A commuter's dilemma: Not many friends!

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I am going through my second semester of my freshman year. I am not staying in the dorms but at home with my parents. I am coping well with my academics, however, when it comes to social life.... I dont have many friends, in fact I can count them by my fingers. To make things worse, most people in my uni are living on-campus. Does it make a difference if you are one year older than yr peers? I just joined the international student club in my uni but i only managed to make some "acquiantances". </p>

<p>In class, I talked to my only friend, thus both of us seldom interact with othe classmates. Shld i have mix with my classmates more? And another thing is that my friend speaks another language. As a result, i am afraid to meet her friends cuz they will speak their language, which i dont understand at all, and i m left alone again.</p>

<p>I am tinkin of transferring to other skool, partly for academic reasons and also to have a "college experience" in the dorm. But i m not sure whether the dorm experience is really a gd idea to meet friends.
Please give me critical advises.</p>

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<p>It's going to be a different experience if you transfer to another school and live in the dorms, because everyone would be freshmen whereas you would be a sophomore.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, the "price" you pay for saving money and living at home is the dorm experience. The dorm experience definitely gives you the opportunity to make lasting friendships, but there is no guarantee. </p>

<p>*unless you are considering becoming a junior transfer, there are some dorms designed just for junior transfers at various unversities (Berkeley, for one) so it's a great way to meet people b/c most people would be clueless and friendless.</p>

<p>Here as several options:
Join organizations: Stay on campus the whole day, and during class and club meetings, you can study together with friends you meet in class.
Live in an apartment with one of your friends: this way you can meet your friend's friends, and their friends, etc.</p>

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<p>yeah, i am thinking of transferring to the UC's but it all depends whether they accept me cuz i am not studying in cc.</p>

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<p>Nah, keep commuting. IMHO, The money you save now is worth a lot more than the "dorm experience" (which, according to a rather interesting newspaper article I read once, wears thin after the first couple of weeks being away from home). </p>

<p>I'm a commuter as well, and most of the people I know pretty well are in my major, that's where I'd recommend you start looking. Since you'll probably be seeing a lot of them anyway, and it helps to have someone else to study with and talk to as well.</p>

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<p>The thing that sux about being a commuter is that it makes it hard to join the activities going on and meeting up with people becomes kind of difficult. So yes go for the dorm.</p>

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<p>If you want to make friends, you have to stay on the campus beyond the time you are in your classes. You can't just attend classes and go home. Go to lunch with students in your classes, join some other club or intramural sport, become a tour guide for the school, get an on-campus job, attend sporting events, etc. When there are evening events/parties, you need to either stay on campus or return later. You may need to be the one to initiate conversation and suggest some activity. If you sit in the same place every day in class, start talking to those around you. It takes a little more effort, but it can be done.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
Nah, keep commuting. IMHO, The money you save now is worth a lot more than the "dorm experience" (which, according to a rather interesting newspaper article I read once, wears thin after the first couple of weeks being away from home).

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Dorm experience doesn't "wear off." Money you can earn back. The dorm experience is once in a lifetime. College. Once it's done it's over for good.</p>

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<p>I commuted and regret it. There is no way I'd allow my kids to commute. I did have fun and friends, belonged to a sorority and went to sporting events and parties. But it was hard. After all the fun was over, and my friends were just relaxing in their rooms, I was driving home alone. Not fun and very tiring overall.</p>

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<p>I am wondering whether does a commuter able to make longlasting friends compared to those leaving in the dorms?</p>

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<p>The cost of living on campus is worth it. I'd transfer.</p>

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<p>I am also living outside. I tink it depends on situation. I have friends who are supposed to live in dorms, but ended living outside after few months of experience. It could be quite noisy sometimes and it also depends on yr roomate.</p>

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<p><em>I am wondering whether does a commuter able to make longlasting friends compared to those leaving in the dorms?</em></p>

<p>Yes, and I hold that the secret is not just talking to people within your classes, but especially those in your major, since you automatically have more in common with them than you normally would. Despite what everybody seems to say (not just here, but I was reading a lot of college help books and everything while I was applying), commuters can enjoy college and make friends. In fact, some schools (not community colleges) don't even have on campus dorms, but apartments located several miles away from the campus, should I expect everybody there to be all miserable, depressed, and friendless all the time? No (or at least I'd like to think not...especially since I started to go there, even made my deposit and everything)</p>

<p>_I have friends who are supposed to live in dorms, but ended living outside after few months of experience. _</p>

<p>That's the "honeymoon" that the newspaper article was talking about, its all fun and games being away from home for those first few weeks/months, but then reality starts to set in and it gets harder and harder to balance schoolwork with annoying roomates and other problems that set in with dorm life.</p>

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<p>I commuted for undergrad because I worked to pay for school and living with Mom was a lot cheaper. When I wasn't at work or asleep I was on campus. I joined a couple of activities that had on-campus facilities and treated those as home. The lounge/lobby at the radio station was my home away from home. I can't say I was as involved as my friends in the dorms, but I don't regret my undergrad years. And it's hard to complain about my total school loans, which came to $2,000, even after I paid for all my own expenses. (Full disclosure -- even accounting for inflation, the UC was a lot cheaper then. I paid ~$625 a year for tuition and fees, and books were usually about $300 a year.)</p>

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<p>Most people make their college friends through shared activities, not through the dorms. </p>

<p>Join some clubs that interest you. That's where you'll meet friends. Also participate in activities like community service or trips that the campus recreation center puts together. Another place to meet people is by working out or taking classes at the campus health spa.</p>

<p>You may be assuming that most people automatically become friends with their freshman year roommate. That's not true. Often freshman year roommates don't have shared friends or interests. Afterward, students typically choose to room with students whom they've met through campus activities.</p>

<p>It's hard to make friends through classes unless one is assigned group projects to do. However, it is very easy making friends through campus activities: You have things in common, and you have a shared experience in which you have to work together. </p>

<p>The sooner you jump in and get involved in campus activities, the better. People expect that freshmen and transfer students will not be that familiar with things, so it's easy to jump in and not to know how things work. The clubs also have a welcome mat out particularly in fall semester when the clubs need help with projects and even filling offices.</p>

<p>When you go to meetings, don't just sit there: Volunteer to help out with things particularly things that need to be done and need lots of help getting those things accomplished.</p>

<p>Don't expect to make friends overnight. Think about the friendships you had in h.s. You may have been acquainted with some of those students since you were in kindergarten. It's not as if you met someone and in a month or two became best friends. Also, you probably shared more classes with your h.s. friends than you do with the people you're meeting in college because college students' schedules vary more than do h.s. students.</p>

<p>Also, no one cares if you are a year or two or even three years older than your peers. College is more like the adult world in that people come together because of interests, not because of their ages. I've seen freshmen who became close friends with seniors. </p>

<p>And if you only talk to your friend in class, you'll not meet any other people there. Take the time and effort to reach out to others.</p>

<p>Also open your mind to meeting your friend's friends. Since they live in the U.S., they probably have excellent English skills and may be happy to meet someone who's not from their home country. After all, they are going to college abroad for a reason, and it's not likely that that reason is that they only want to be with people from their home country. Offer to do something with them like go to the campus health club or go to a movie together. Then you'd have a shared experience that would lead to conversation.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
Most people make their college friends through shared activities, not through the dorms.

[/quote]

See, I partially disagree. Over the course of college you'll probably see that most of your friends are from your major/activities, but generally the first year kids are friends with people they are around the most (ie: kids in their dorms).<br>
The statement that cost > experience of dorms is stupid. Dorms teach you to tolerate people, are fun, and are especially beneficial for shy/introverted individiuals because you have to come into contact with people. I'm a believer in college as an experience in addition to an education.
My hallmates are a pain in the ass sometimes and I don't have a ton of privacy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. It truly is a once in a lifetime experience. Go for the dorms :)</p>

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<p>For those commuters who are assuming that the grass over the dorm fence is definitely greener, check out this thread about roommates from hell:
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=250243%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=250243&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>I also have to admit that a big part of adjusting to college for me was getting used to dorm life and a roommate. I eventually became friends with her, but at first, I couldn't stand her (for reasons that were relatively trivial, but seemed very important to me back then!). </p>

<p>When I taught college, I also heard of some horrendous stories about dorm life. This included male students who were not athletes, but somehow ended up in a freshman dorm where many of the campus athletes lived. On that particular campus, some of the athletes' idea of dorm fun was throwing urine-filled balloons at each other!</p>

<p>Also, I had a student who had to contact the police about her roommate, who had stolen her credit cards! Another had a rooommate who wanted to do everything she did: dress like her, go to all of her social events, etc. It felt like having a live-in stalker.</p>

<p>Anyway, deal the hand that you've got, and make the best of it. Things wouldn't necessarily be much better or easier if you were living on campus.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
The statement that cost > experience of dorms is stupid.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>... as long as you have the money to pay for the dorms. Not everyone does. Trust me on this.</p>

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<p>I was assuming that cost was not the case, Rick Tyler, but if it is then it is understandable to commute to school.</p>

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<p>In my case, i lived with my parents cuz it is very near our uni. As long as i dont go to another private uni elsewhere, my family is able to afford UC fees.</p>

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<p>I dont think its that you meet people in your dorms but more you hang around with people more often if you live on campus.</p>

<p>All my friends live on campus in all different dorms so i definately didn't meet them by living in certain dorms.. But i hang around with them alot because i can just walk over to their rooms and bother them... I can't imagine commuting personally, because hanging around after dinner til 4 in the morning is one of the best experiences you can have. haha. Ok hanging out til 4 is probably not a good idea in general though but you get the idea. I don't have any friends who commutes so...</p>