Advice for a concerned dad? (College ideas)

<p>That’s when they choose to focus on med management alone. Or they just back up a really great therapist relationship for prescribing.<br>
My D’s psychiatrist is her counselor. Some detached doc just asking her about med effectiveness or effects would not cut it with my D. Would not have gotten her talking. Or listening. I see it as something of a two-fer. (Plus this doc is expert on hs and college age, “under-performing” and other issues.)</p>

<p>My psychiatrist does both the counseling and meds. She is an adolescent psychologist though so maybe that’s different than those who work more with adults. </p>

<p>THIS: </p>

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<p>Nothing can be done about what has already been completed. A 504 plan at this school will not suddenly make everything better. Stop trying to “save” her academic record and just focus on finishing when she can. </p>

<p>And this:</p>

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<p>Yes, 14 months later and you are still fighting the same battle. Don’t care if this has been her therapist since birth. Therapy alone, with this person, has been ineffective. Move on.</p>

<p>And finally this:</p>

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<p>You did this last time, too. Suddenly, you had a plan and it was all going to work out. You’re back. </p>

<p>I do wish you well, as this is a battle I am far too familiar with, but you have got to make some changes or you’re going to be back her next year talking about all the problems your d is having at the college she attended before she was well enough to matriculate. </p>

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<p>This has been our experience as well, except that the appointments are 30 min so the patient has plenty of time to describe the symptoms and side effects. Then the doc adjusts or changes meds accordingly. </p>

<p>I will add D’s psychiatrist is available anytime- she can email or leave a vmail. We each try to do what seems to work best and MMV. My kid could not have coordinated between the two. Her doc can deal directly with both her psychological issues and the med mgt. Hour-plus visits and in between doesn’t need to wait for one person to contact or confer with another. Also, easier on the insurance issues. Just saying.</p>

<p>Not sure how dredging up past threads is helpful at this point. Obviously Dad was wishing away his daughter’s troubles. I think, though, through the kindness and advice of posters, he is fully understanding the seriousness of the situation. I don’t have much practical advice, so I really appreciate those who are chiming in.</p>

<p>OP, is this a public school? If so, I agree with everyone–the school is obligated to consider the 504, under a set procedure. You can google for your school district’s procedure.</p>

<p>If your daughter goes to private school, all bets are off.</p>

<p>I don’t know if links are allowed here, but this organization can help you find an educational advocate or sped lawyer: <a href=“http://www.copaa.org/”>http://www.copaa.org/&lt;/a&gt;. It sounds like your school personnel are being clownish. </p>

<p>Actually, bringing up past posts is incredibly relevant. Especially if FID is talking about his D entering a “lull”. </p>

<p>Depression is a tricky disease. Like many mental illnesses, it can come and go without warning and the sufferer can often expertly hide their symptoms until it spirals out of control. Depression is not well understood by the vast majority of people (it’s not even understood by its victims most of the time) and therefore people might not realize that when you are in a “lull”, it’s really just a monster in wait. As this has been going on for several years, looking like with remission, it’s important to have a reminder that just because there’s a lull, that doesn’t mean the D is in recovery or anything of the sort. </p>

<p>Honestly, sometimes we need reminders because we don’t remember just “how bad” it was. Our minds are both wonderful and tricky like that- they can downplay painful memories. </p>

<p>eta: I went back and realized FID never used the word “lull”. My apologies. My point still stands of why you would bring these things up… and the last post almost sounded like FID was going into a false sense of security. </p>

<p>The school personnel should have responded. But really, a 504 accommodation plan, or an IEP (if the student is eligible) will NOT solve the underlying issues this father is reporting. At this point, his child’s mental health issues should be paramount. School issues can be resolved once the mental health issues are under control.</p>

<p>@fightingirishdad,</p>

<p>Regarding psychiatrists vs “therapists,” since you are in SF/Bay Area, generally, the 2 specialties tend to be separated from each other in this part of the country, I would imagine . Your D would go a psychiatrist for medications and then to another type of therapist for counseling. It would be great if you could find a psychiatrist that also does counseling/psychotherapy/behavior therapy, but it is unlikely given the part of the country that you live.</p>

<p>Once you get your psychiatrist in place (since you didn’t mesh well with the first psychiatrist), then get the name of a new therapist from that psychiatrist. Personally, I like large psychiatrist groups because they have many psychiatrists that you might be able to meet to see who meshes well with your D and also they may have psychologists (PsyD, PhD, or MS counselor) on staff for the counseling, behavior therapy, etc.</p>

<p>Didn’t get a good vibe with the psychiatrist we met with, so we’re seeing another one next week. </p>

<p>Note that I never said D was entering a “lull”… I said that she was looking better, i.e. not sitting in a closet for hours on end and crying, because we had a plan, and that made me happy. We’re still trying to get her meds, contact the school/pull her out of school or get a 504 plan, continuing therapy, and there’s no less urgency. </p>

<p>Keep your chin up. </p>

<p>I’m glad you’re now “shopping around” psychiatrists so to speak. I wish you and your D nothing but hugs and a steady recovery. </p>

<p>How are things going?</p>

<p>I wish to 2nd YoHox2’s comment. I don’t know psychiatrists in Boston or my area of FL who are now trained to do therapy. In both cities, I am/was a part of large practices.</p>

<p>I am also well versed in self-harm behaviors, e.g. cutting (did podcast on this topic). I learned while working in a residential program; perhaps 1/4 or more of our young people were cutters. We took this behavior quite seriously. </p>

<p>Until the OP provides an update, I am editing my desire to say more.</p>

<p>OP, have you considered that D’s inability to do school work is her subconscious way of exercising control and rebelling against her mom? Perhaps that is why she functions much better in her outside activities? And it might explain the conflicting diagnosis.</p>

<p>My D has different medical issues than yours, but I have been in a similar position - alternately desperate, frustrated, scared, confused, hopeful, and in denial. From the previous posts, D’s self-worth seems to be tied to her academic achievements. And because of her intelligence and talent, the family has high expectations of her. While there’s nothing wrong with high expectations, if parents become too invested in the “success” of their child, it’s hard for them to accept a different reality. When a student’s path veers due to an injury, people sympathize with the parents. Unfortunately, mental illness still has a stigma attached. There are those, as you’ve encountered, that believe it’s an excuse. These attitudes make it even harder for parents to accept that the child may need to take a different path. If your D is suicidal, and you don’t get her help and give her options, you may regret your decision forever. In such event, your D’s grades will be meaningless. </p>

<p>Listen to the great advice on this thread (blossom , thumper1, sally305 - among others)! I wish I’d been on CC when my D’s problems began. I’d like to think that I would’ve taken the advice and saved myself and D unnecessary grief. </p>

<p>Sometimes, you have to let go of your vision of your child so you can help the child in front of you. Trust me when I say I know how easy that is to say yet how hard that can be do - but your D’s life may depend on it.</p>