<p>"DD made us a powerpoint about her depression. It was very playful wording for such a serious topic, but the gist is that she wants us (or perhaps W more so) to know that it is biological, that it should be treated just like a broken leg, and that she really wants our support so that she can kick it to the curb. "</p>
<p>She is crying out for help. Glad you are now on the path to providing it. Best of luck. </p>
<p>Kudos to you fightingirishdad for doing the hard work.</p>
<p>Glad you are moving from the therapist. As “just a mom” in my opinion cutting is aberrant behavior…it not something a well adjusted person does and I think it’s rather shocking that a therapist would appear to be somewhat dismissive about this type of behavior. I haven’t posted either since the very beginning, but clearly she needs “different” help. Kudos to you for continuing to push forth. Best wishes as you continue to move things forward.</p>
<p>I’ve read that the big difference between cutting and a suicide attempt is that cutters “don’t want to die.” Most who attempt suicide actively wish to die. But, cutting can lead to accidental death (too deep, etc.). Also, part of leading up to a suicide attempt is the process of overcoming fear of bodily harm and of pain, I’ve read. So, it’s all very dangerous, and none of it should be seen as a teen parlor game. </p>
<p>I’ve been following this thread, and wishing OP and his daughter well. There is lots of thoughtful, caring advice here. I do want to add, as a parent who knows a teen who has struggled with cutting – it is generally a form of stress relief, not a step along the way to suicide. It becomes an obsessive way to focus the emotional distress into a single point which can be controlled by the teenager. Very upsetting, as we know from the parents who watched their teen do this. All that being said, it is still something that a therapist should be taking seriously as an expression of emotional pain/anxiety. </p>
<p>Sorry, I must’ve typo’d - W said that meds can mess her up, not the pediatrician. She was very supportive.
I talked to the psychiatrist; not feeling the vibe, so we’re seeing another one later this/next week. I want to see the best MD we can, of course. </p>
<p>The school is being difficult to contact and hard to get a hold of, but I’m trying. I’ve typed up a list of 504 accommodations that I might off by a doctor ASAP.</p>
<p>D has been better. I told her lay off the work for a day or so (she’s missed the last week and a half due to flu). I know everything’s piling up, but she needs the breather, and I want to get this figured out before I swamp her with any work.</p>
<p>I agree the therapist’s comments are a bit off, but this has been her therapist throughout high school. Perhaps she was trying to protect DD’s confidentiality. I’ll check up with her today.</p>
<p>Everyone’s feeling better about the whole situation now. We’re taking action with the school (which itself relieved D of so much angst), taking action with D and her medication/care.</p>
<p>There is apparently a meeting next Wednesday with the teachers to discuss the 504. i know a lot of you already did, but what exactly would the school be allowed to give her?</p>
<p>fightingirishdad I did help keeping up with DD’s backlog assignments and coordinated with Ass’t Principal who was the school person handling these kind of situations.</p>
<p>Your typo caused us to think therapist was not up to the patient challenge.</p>
<p>With D having the flu on top of this, your D needs to have the opportunity to get well. </p>
<p>I would explore options with Incompletes and stretch out assignment deadlines based on therapist and psychiatrist recommendations. If my D, I would try to put academics on hold or ‘pause’. Certainly the school has had these situations before and also psychiatrist and therapist who would know how to direct you.</p>
<p>Your most important interest is your DD’s well being, and secondary academic success after getting well. School’s agenda is different, so you have to work the ‘system’ the best you can with the help of outside professionals.</p>
<p>I would approach the school with a “we are considering a medical withdrawal for D due to her health, and will figure out if she will home-school, take her GED, enroll in a near by HS as an “out of district” student, or re-enroll down the road once we have a healthy daughter to assess”. That will help the school team focus- you are not asking for C’s to be upgraded to B’s; you are not asking for deadlines to be extended a few weeks, you are not asking them to tinker with her transcript. You are informing them that she is not healthy enough to attend school and keep up with her schoolwork right now, and that no options (distance learning, out of district, etc.) is off the table.</p>
<p>My guess is that your D will feel a fifty pound weight come off her shoulders once she realizes that you are serious. More than a pause, more than some flexible scheduling, more than “let’s let a few homework assignments slide by”. You are willing to figure out whatever it takes to get her healthy, and then you will do whatever it takes for her to complete her HS diploma (or equivalent) and then take the next step in her education. But you are not going to tackle all these decisions right now and you are not going to keep her on a path which is contributing to her illness.</p>
<p>Do you know who the 504 coordinator is? Have you talked with him or her?</p>
<p>I don’t see how there can be a meeting with the teachers about the 504 when there isn’t one. Have you have a meeting with the coordinator? Have you signed anything? Are you or your daughter going to be present at the teacher’s meeting?</p>
<p>It is troubling that you cannot reach anyone at the school.</p>
<p>It seems as if this school operates in a way I am not familiar with. The Fed DOE office of civil rights can be helpful (as I said) and I think you can save yourself a lot of trouble by getting an advocate. But you cannot get anything done without a professional psychiatrist, MD and/or therapist on board to back you up and document.</p>
<p>I’m glad that your daughter is feeling better without the pressure of work, but it does seem as if her relief may be based on a false premise: you don’t really know what will be in the 504. You can exert some influence on what is in it, or write it yourself (or with a lawyer).</p>
<p>If your daughter is so much better after taking a break from school work, perhaps she really should leave and homeschool, finish online, do a GED, community college or NARHS diploma. Or perhaps an advocate or lawyer can help you figure out a way to make the school work. No matter what she should still be allowed to do extracurriculars unless that makes her feel uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Or maybe meds will straighten out the situation for a bit. If so, the school needs to give her extensions that last into the summer so she can make things up in a way that is not too stressful. Perhaps April vacation will help…</p>
<p>Glad someone chimed in about cutting. I think of it as similar to bulimia.</p>
<p>A 504 is an accommodation plan. It needs to be based on your daughter’s needs. It can include things like extended time on tests, reduction or modification of homework, actually any reasonable accommodation which will allow your daughter to access the regular curriculum.</p>
<p>I have never seen a 504 that says “student will pass course even if he/she does not complete the required work”, or “student grades will not be considered when determining passage of course”. But modifications TO the workload can be on an accommodation plan if this is necessary.</p>
<p>Everyone should NOT be “feeling better” just because there is a lull in issues presented by your daughter. This has happened again and agin over the more than year you have been posting these concerns. Yes, be happy she is doing OK. But really, don’t brush this aside as meaning everything is OK. That is what you have done a number of other times.</p>
<p>cross posted with comp mom about GED, etc. And agree with Thumper 100%- a lull in the proceedings is not a step forward.</p>
<p>P.S. every school district is REQUIRED to have a 504 administrator. REQUIRED. You need to out your request for a meeting in writing to that person and send it registered mail. Send a duplicate to the school principal. </p>
<p>If you don’t get a call from the hs, you call the district. This is routine “running it up the ladder.” Unless someone specifically gave a reason for needing, say, 48 hours to pull something together.</p>
<p>We don’t know what your or your D’s history is with the school. If you are now trying to pull together an effective solution, be on your game.</p>
<p>Agree, another lull is just another lull- stay focused.
Mom’s comments about meds messing up D’s life- just baloney. Ten minutes on the web and you can see it’s baloney. No one in an ordinary situation will put your D on the sorts of drugs that could lead to long term threats. In an ER situation, one shot, maybe. Someone needs perspective. They will likely start her on the easy meds- the ones that are so effective for so many. Then adjust as needed. </p>
<p>*Look for a psych who focuses on hs and college age.
Call the local college health services, if needed, for a recommendation. There is a huge difference in what an adult needs versus a young person. </p>
<p>ps. cutting can come for many reasons. The point is to find out why, in any kid’s case. It’s not necessarily pre-suicidal, nor just a social experiment. It can come, for inexplicable reasons, in waves in some hs settings.</p>
<p>Dad if you showed up at the school, would someone be available to see you?</p>
<p>Schools often can put off calling you back, etc., but if you are waiting in the office?</p>
<p>Hope you can find your way to get your DD with the right treatment. Keep reassuring her that you love her and want to see her to better health.</p>
<p>You have to understand all your options to get ‘pause’ on the academics.</p>
<p>The comment about meds messing up the D’s life are pure nonsense. Don’t even waste your time. It sounds like X-W is in major denial, if not a contributor to your D’s issues. </p>
<p>I agree the therapist’s comments are a bit off, but this has been her therapist throughout high school. Perhaps she was trying to protect DD’s confidentiality.</p>
<p>“Throughout hs” and look at where you and D are, now. There are cases where “inaction” (getting behind in schoolwork) is made better by actions (catching up.) And maybe the “therapist” thinks, for some good reasons, that getting D’s wheels back on track will be a huge positive step. Sure.</p>
<p>But, even from the few comments you have made, it is clear your D feels this is more than just catching up. This has gone on for a long time and she is exhausted. I credit her for wanting to get better, take this to the next stage, for being able to do the power point. </p>
<p>Fighting- you are indeed “fighting” a losing battle if you’re going to go down the river of denial every time a well meaning person (even your D’s mom, therapist, guidance counselor) suggests that there is anything close to healthy in what you have observed. Cutting, “walking dead”, the type of exhausted/giving up you are seeing in your D-- don’t let people who are wishing and hoping that these behaviors will magically disappear get you derailed.</p>
<p>There is typical but healthy teenager “acting out” and then there is what you have described. The fact that your D can “look normal” with her friends, or doing an activity she enjoys does not mean that she’s NOT REALLY DEPRESSED. </p>
<p>You can do this. It will be very hard, because it does not seem as though the people who know your D are prepared to admit that this high performing, well liked, talented young woman is going through anything worse than “a bit of a rough spot”. But in your heart, you understand that she is ill, and you’re going to find a therapist who has successfully treated adolescents with both talk and meds, and you’re going to yank her out of school if you have to, and you’re going to worry about next year next year once your D is back and healthy.</p>
<p>you can do this.</p>
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<p>In the nicest way possible, I say “so what?”
This therapist is, from your posts, not meeting your D’s needs (psychologically or academically) and seems, from what you’re saying, to have actually made things worse. </p>
<p>I would urge the OP, and everyone else here to go and read this poster’s first CC thread “worried about my daughter” which was started in January 2013. Same concerns, and MUCH of the same advice was given out at that time. Info about depression, the reoccurring nature of it, for example. The concern about medications being harmful was also addresses in that thread. </p>
<p>Read it all again, fightingirishdad. It’s the SAME story, 14 months later.</p>
<p>I’m sure someone will speak up if they disagree but in my experience psychiatrists are for meds…they need not be warm and fuzzy and understanding and in fact often are not to do their job well. Most of the time their appts are like 15 minutes long and they have a totally different role than the therapist. </p>
<p>Go to the school. Sit in a seat. Wait to see someone. Start giving them a sense of urgency. </p>