My D SIR’d to UCSB after being waitlisted on Friday. She loves the campus and school vibe but it’s 90 miles away with no housing guarantee next year due to covid-10. Yesterday, she was accepted into UCLA. While UCLA also doesn’t guarantee housing, the campus is 8 miles from home so if she cannot get housing, she could commute if classes are in person.
While UCLA is higher ranked and stronger in my D’s major, my D feels a deeper connection to UCSB. (My older D attends UCLA and the younger one doesn’t like to follow in her sister’s footsteps.) Financially both schools are comparable but UCLA offers more flexibility during these uncertain times, stronger academics in her major and possibly better long term opportunities with name recognition. Knowing all of this, my D is still leaning towards UCSB. UCSB is a great school and I do think she would enjoy her time there more (once she can actually live on campus) but I feel she is approaching the decision with a short term lens.
This has been an especially hard year for seniors and for my D. My D has been open to all her options throughout applications but now just wants to settle into a decision. I want her to be happy and excited abt the school she enrolls but I can’t help feeling like she is leaning towards the wrong choice for the wrong reasons. At what point does a parent step in and make the choice for them or do you really leave it completely in their hands at 18 yrs old?
When I read your post it sounds like you are the one whose decision is based on the short term. It sounds like your daughter is making the best decision for her in the long term.
@VaNcBorder - Thank you. I believe I am looking at both short term and long term benefits, It’s hard to ignore the current pandemic and added challenges we face. It’s also hard to ignore the better program and academics given a choice.
I probably didn’t position my question well originally. If the schools/programs were reversed, the added pandemic challenges could be overlooked.
At UCSB she’d enter as a global studies major but hopes to double major to add economics. At UCLA she enters as a business economics majors and hopes to add global studies as well.
If she doesn’t go onto graduate school, I feel her degree from UCLA would take her further.
Agree that majoring in business economics at UCLA is likely to yield better career opportunities.
Talk to your daughter. Share your concern that if she selects UCSB, that she may be unable to attend in the Fall due to Covid-19 coronavirus housing shut down.
If housing is available at both UCSB & UCLA, will your daughter live on campus at UCLA ?
Easy to understand the attraction to UCSB & Santa Barbara.
While there is no easy answer, then your daughter’s decision should be respected if affordable without loans (or if the cost is equal).
Thanks! If able, she would live on campus at either school. However, the UCs seem to be leaning towards online as most kids live in triples. Good chance she will be taking classes remotely either way.
I have talked to her and expressed my concerns with the hopes she would come to a practical mature decision on her own. I too am of the mindset that the decision should be hers but this is getting difficult to swallow. Part of me thinks, if I make the choice for her, she will adapt to the idea easier. She’s managed the disappointments she’s faced this year tremendously well, which is part of her character.
You’re the parent. You have veto power. It’s a question of how strongly you feel.
My wife and I were in a similar position with one of our daughters where we felt that there were issues of safety involved, so we said no. She didn’t like our decision, but she went to her second choice, had a great 4 years there, and has had a great career since.
I can’t tell you what’s the right decision in this situation. But I would advise that you not abdicate your parental responsibility here. It’s a shared decision, but in the end it should be a decision that you can both live with. If your risk analysis leaves you unable to live with UCSB - both short and long term, then don’t live with it. It’s not like UCLA is not a great alternative. It’s an honor that she’s achieved admission to such a great school. Frankly “feeling a deeper connection” to a college as a high school senior is not a good basis for a decision. I understand her not wanting to follow in her sister’s foot steps, but she really won’t be. It’s not high school. UCLA is a big place where she can forge her own path totally separate from her sister’s.
I would agree with all of the posters and your general concerns OP.
However, our college students may be our children but they are not children. They are young adults.
In many ways our primary job is to prepare our children to grow into independent people. Those who can contribute to society. You have clearly succeeded in your role as a parent.
Congratulations.
I know we want to make the waves less choppy for our children, if possible. Imho it is more important for you to have taught them to be the captain themselves and learn to handle the choppy waters. They will and be more resilient for it.
UCSB is a heck of a school too. Either will be great. It’s not that big of a void imho.
This is a tough one. First I think you need to decide if this IS your child’s decision or not. If it’s not, be upfront about that. My daughter HATES when we tell her something is her decision but then overrule her or criticize her decision after she’s made it. If it’s her decision, I would let her know your thoughts and concerns but then tell her you’ll respect and support whatever decision she ultimately makes (and then you have to do that - don’t second guess her if her decision is not what you want).
It may seem like I’m choosing prestige over fit but I’m not. She had also applied to Berkeley for a chance to get accepted into a niche global business program. She was very excited abt the program but not the school itself. (She really doesn’t like Berkeley!) I told her I had no problem having her choose UCSB over Cal if she couldn’t get into the business program she wanted. All along UCSB and UCLA have been her top in-state choices. Now that she’s committed, she digging her heels.
While I value ‘fit’, majors/programs and strength of departments hold more value in my mind. I agree, 18 is a young adult and should be able to make independent choices. However, at 18, I’m less confident that they fully grasp the consequences of some of those choices. @Bill Marsh, I lean towards your view: as her parent it’s my responsibility to veto decisions that she may later regret.
She has a few days to make a decision. I will give her some space to digest her options and hope we are on the same page in a few days.
It’s a tough situation that Ive faced many times. It really depends upon the issues and the student as to hardline one should be. I remember crying with a dear friend over 20 years ago when she had to tell her lovely, gifted, wonderful, talented daughter who also had anorexia that she was not ready to go away to college. Now, the DD ( and a number of events that have happened) bear her out that the decision was the right one, but, boy, that day in 1998, it did not. The fall out was painful.
But that isn’t the situation with your DD. You can afford both schools Cost is another issue that a parent needs to strongly address and should not allow student preferences to bully one into taking in financial commitments that are foolhardy, unwise or unwanted when good alternatives are available. It’s a matter of preference here
I think you have a strong case for UCLA. I agree with you fully. Better program, better Major, better name recognition, better alternatives if housing issues crop up. However, your daughter truly prefers UCSB and it’s a fine school.
She also isn’t needy, I’m assuming, in a way where the distance is a worrisome issue. On the other hand, you don’t bring up that she needs every bit of positivity to get through college. For some kids it’s touch and go, and you want them to have their strong desire for a school to be in the picture rather than talking them into something they don’t want. Mine were that way. Things often do not go well at times in life, including at college, and being somewhere with resentment can be a big detractor when things go wrong. Everything tends to get blamed on being in a place one didn’t want to go. At least when the kid chooses, that argument isn’t in the picture and it’s often a bit more of an incentive for them to work things out rather than throw up hands and call sour grapes.
So do weigh all of these factors. My kids didn’t go to the schools Id have chosen. Didn’t turn out well for one, but I think that they picked their schools helped overall.
My D is not needy as you mentioned. If I step in, I think there is a high chance she will be disappointed for a day and move on. She has never been one to mope. Of course there’s also a chance with this I could be wrong and giving her far too much credit. It’s a delicate balance for sure…
Let her pick between them, it will increase buy-in and maturity. It is a good problem to have - both are great schools and will prepare her for success, relatively equally IMO.
If you pick for her, and everything isn’t “perfect” (and we know it won’t be) you will hear, “You MADE me go here, it is YOUR fault” for 4-5 years. Who wants that?
If she has to commute 2 days per week, she can probably do that. My kids went to high school in Orange county and had kids at their school commuting from San Diego and LA (1-2 hours, usually by train). People commuted to my workplace (Irvine) from SB, but not every day (some work from home even then). If she’s willing to do it, then she should go to UCSB.
No one knows what’s going to happen. There may be housing because few kids choose to attend schools that aren’t in their neighborhood. There may be more off campus housing available. Everything may be online.
It seems like UCSB is a good choice, but (in your mind) UCLA is a better choice. A choice between good and better is a lot different from a choice between bad and good.
If she chooses and has regrets, it will be because of her choice. If you force her to go to UCLA against her wishes, then she will blame you for anything she does not like about UCLA.
Also note that UCLA business economics requires a secondary admission process to get into the major. A 3.3 college GPA is required, calculated with triple weighting for some of the prerequisite economics courses: https://economics.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Handbook.pdf
Many kids (1) change their minds about majors (2) go to schools that are not the “best” for their program/major (for many reasons - merit, fit, feel, ski team, whatever) and are successful and do well. I’m not an absolute on this but it’s UCSB, its hardly a bad school. If it was a choice between UCLA and say (no offense to anyone) Chico or another CSU I might be more “on your side”, but I personally don’t think there’s enough of a difference here for you to need to enforce your views.
Agree with this, as I do with the poster who said you need to decide if it is actually her choice or not and stick with that. If you say it’s her choice, let her choose it. If not, be clear about it: “I’m deciding where you will go”, and own that.
@ucbalumnus: The 3.3 GPA requirement may be viewed as a motivational factor–rather than as a significant barrier.
Also, Intermediate Microeconomics I & II (Econ 11 & econ 101) are given triple weight in the calculation. This emphasis lets students know what is the important foundation in the major.
On the other hand, the beach is better at UC-Santa Barbara.
Thank you all for great input. We are lucky she has very good options either way.
My H drove my D to UCLA and walked around campus again this afternoon. Funny enough he ran into an old work colleague that was there with his son trying to decide between the same, UCSB, UCLA and SLO. When they asked my D which school she was leaning towards more, my D responded “emotionally UCSB, logically UCLA”. She has joined both school’s social media pages. Maybe that will give her a better feel for the student body at both, beyond gorgeous beaches or reputation.