Someone mentioned advisor systems in another post, and I felt like this is such an important topic for new parents to consider so I thought I might share some here.
All schools have some kind of advisory system, and honestly they can all start blending together and sounding the same.
Advisory systems vary widely by school, and advisors vary by person. I’ll share a few personal experiences in the comments but here are some general lessons-learned I might share based on my three BS kids.
I might consider three main differentiators in looking at what the support might be for your kid going to a school:
-
- What is structure of the advising system, and how many touchpoints will they have structurally/procedurally due to the advisor system at the school? In other words, how often and in what contexts will your kid see that advisor, regardless of the advisor’s personal tendencies (nurturing or not, friendly or not, supportive or less so)? Some things to consider: is the advisory a group that meets regularly? Do they meet in a variety of contexts, like do they have meals together? Or take any lifeskill classes together? Or do events together? How often do students cross paths with their advisor just randomly? (might be different in a big school vs. small school). In what situations does an advisor ever connect one-on-one with students? Is the Advisor the “first point of contact” for parents? Are there scheduled updates between the advisor and the parents? Do students and parents typically have the advisor’s text numbers, or is the relationship more formal?
-
- What is the DNA of the school’s culture? In other words, does the school lean away from scaffolding – do they say they are a “school for independent kids – help is here, but they will need to learn to find it themselves” or are they highly scaffolded – do they say “kids will not fall through the cracks here!” Or, is it somewhere in between. SCHOOLS WILL LET YOU KNOW WHERE THEY ARE ON THIS. BELIEVE THEM WHEN THEY TELL YOU.
-
- The person. People are different levels of helpful and willing to jump in. Note though that parents also are different levels of wanting updates. So if you want more, don’t be afraid to initiate more connection with that advisor. That could be you emailing with a quick update on something like: “hey it’s susie’s birthday next Thursday so I’m sending her cupcakes.” OR: “hey Susie seemed unusually upset that her swim meet didn’t go well – I wanted to check with you – is she seeming otherwise like she is doing well? I just wanted to take the pulse on how you are thinking she is doing since you see her in person.” Consider using language like “thanks for your partnership” to let them know – you really are considering them a partner in the precious life that is your kid. Pay attention to how quickly you get answers. Like, does the advisor say: “oh I’ll pop out and check on her after my next meeting!” or “I’ll see her at lunch today and I’ll be sure to check in” or “I saw her yesterday after the meet and she did seem a bit down, but she said she was going for ice cream with the team.” OR, does it seem to be a matter of a day or two before they will be able to get back to you? NOTE: most schools allow kids to change advisors, so I woudn’t be shy at all about doing that if both you and kid are finding the advisor not to be a good fit.
Any other thoughts/best practices/experiences from others, feel free to chime in!
3 Likes
My personal experiences with advisors in two different schools:
I personally LOVE that I am on a text basis with all of my kids’ advisors. And I love that all of my kids’ advisors have been a support to my kids in both good and bad moments. When my daughter randomly ran out of tampons and was stressed about it as a brand new freshman so she felt too nervous to ask a dormmate, she and I agreed I would text her advisor, who sent over his wife within minutes with a selection of products. She also brought cookies.
One of my daughters just caught the huge gastro bug last week, and after vomiting 12 times, her blood pressure dropped and the school doctor sent her to the ER in an ambulance. Her advisor dropped everything and followed the ambulance to the ER and he just sat with her for over 10 hours while she was hooked up to an IV with anti-nausea meds and hydration. I sat on the phone 3000 miles away with an airpod in my ear while she slept with her advisor in the room…I just listened and waited for the medical updates from the nurses. Her advisor texted me throughout the night. He left his family and his work (he is in admissions and it was the admissions deadline very night this happened), and he assured me: I have a great team; this is more important.
By contrast, one of my daughters started BS at another school as a freshman a few years ago, and the very first conversation or piece of communication we had with her advisor (beyond the group intro email we got in august saying “hi parents! I’m your kid’s advisor and I love puppies and sailing!”) was over Christmas break. (My daughter had already decided to transfer that point.). To be fair, that school definitely was upfront about saying they were “for the independent kid who would seek help if needed.” And, personalities vary. I’m sure other kids had great hands-on advisors! But my point is: the support was NOT systemically in place; it relied upon some level of luck-of-the-draw to get a helpful, involved advisor. (Side note: when she DID transfer, I asked my daughter what her advisor’s reaction was and she said “oh I have no idea if she even knows that I left.” Ouch. Again, this is surely NOT everyone’s experience.)
Bottom line: for me, being 3000 miles away from all my kids, I want someone who will drop everything and go sit with my kid in the hospital and facetime me in for 10 hours.
I want someone who will bring tampons and a cupcake to my kid on a tough day. If you don’t have that, my suggestion would be to consider: is it the system? Is the cultural DNA? Or is the personal relationship that maybe can be managed on your end to set up a better line of communication? And if not, can that advisor be changed?
Hope that helps give some thoughts around the advisors! The adults around my kid matter a ton I think!
5 Likes
We of course have no experience with this yet as our daughter is just now applying to boarding schools.
However, the “feel” of a school and community was super important to her in this process. The first thing she said she was looking for was “a kind community” - both students and teachers.
All of her schools that she applied to have advisory meetings at least once a week if not more, have advisory dinners, and other events/outings together.
One school we visited was incredible in the friendliness of the adults when we visited (we visited over the summer and there was only one day student on campus helping out with some A/V stuff for a conference there). The first stop on our tour was the Head of School’s office. He came out and had a chat with us about interests, his background, etc. While on the tour, every adult we ran into said hello, introduced themselves to my daughter, and spoke to her directly. It was amazing. Even the grounds crew stopped to say hi as we walked by.
During another school’s student panel, advisory relationships came up and a student gave the example that he had been late to a class by maybe five minutes a few days prior. He said within an hour or two, he had a text from his advisor asking him what happened, why he was late, and if everything was okay. That let us know the teachers are communicating about the students and really aren’t going to let them slip through the cracks.
Speaking of that, at a couple of schools, they said that they gather as a faculty community weekly to discuss each student to make sure advisors and other teachers/coaches/etc are in the loop about areas of difficulty or triumph for the student.
@RoonilWazlib99 You are smart to pay attention to the feel, in addition to the meetings, etc. Also, I realized I may not have been super clear in my comment above that at my daughter’s previous school, we (parents) didn’t have a meeting with the advisor until Christmas break. But there were regular weekly advisory meetings with the students. (I can’t think of any school that didn’t do that.) It just wasn’t a super connective advisory system – it checked the boxes for “meeting with the advisor” regularly but nothing beyond that. And the basic check-in advisory meetings my daughter experienced didn’t build enough of a bridge to hold any weight.
So I guess I would say that if support is important, it might be a question to ask at revisits to dig deeper into, beyond the “advisories meet once a week” answer that I got at a lot of schools (before I realized how widely schools actually differ on the support front).
Also, I’ll add that not everyone wants a ton of support. For example, I think my kids might find it a little too much to have an advisor reach out about being five minutes late for class. But this is a great example of “no one will fall through the cracks” support that some schools provide. So the “best” answer isn’t the same for everyone…so be sure to ask!
Revisits are a GREAT time to ask the hard questions because you no longer have to worry about getting in. So do NOT be shy!
:).
No revisits for us as we are too far away (over 8000 miles from Boston), but thank you. I’m sure there will be an opportunity for us to email someone after March 10 with questions if she is accepted anywhere.
1 Like
I could write so much on this topic as we have been quite disappointed in the advisor program for both of our children’s schools, but I’ll try to be brief. While kiddo 2 has a better general set up than kiddo1, (weekly meetings, kids in different grades in his advisory etc), his advisor is a bit lackluster and doesn’t follow up with kiddo2 as much as we would like.
Kiddo1 has had a new advisor assigned to her each year (as is standard for her school). Her advisors for freshman and junior years were a terrible match and kiddo1 never felt comfortable going to them for help (which defeats the whole purpose of an advisor). Kiddo1 had an incredible advisor her sophomore year, but when that faculty member was moved to a different dorm for duty, she was no longer allowed to be kiddo1’s advisor. Advisors at her school have an affiliation with their advisees dorm, so while the school says students may change advisors, it would be more than awkward for a student to ask to switch. After a recent, devastating, incident at kiddo1’s school, and kiddo1 said she had no faculty member in which she felt comfortable opening up to, I reached out to her advisor from sophomore year, asking for help. Fortunately, she was happy to step up and fill the void for kiddo1. She is truly the most wonderful person ever.
When comparing advisor/y systems in schools, things that would be most important to me are:
Being able to choose your own advisor within the first semester if the advisor assigned to you isn’t a good match.
Being able to keep the same advisor for all four years. The fact that some schools don’t do this blows my mind. An advisor is going to have the most impact on a student if they have the time to really get to know the student and follow them throughout their entire time at the school.
Having advisors that are not necessarily associated with the students dorm.
An advisory lunch at least once a week.
I agree with all that has been said regarding advisors. I found out half way through my son’s first year that he had stepped up and was essentially leading his advisory group… (his advisor was new to the school and ended up leaving the school after 7 months… ) On the one hand I was not happy that his advisor wasn’t doing their job, but on the other, it was a great reminder that we need to create the space for our children to stretch and step up as they are often more capable than we give them credit…To this day, that advisory group is extremely close and supportive of each other and the school often points to them as the example of how an advisory group should behave. It is not just the advisor that counts, it is also the others in their group that can make a positive impact. Another line of questioning for revisit days in how are advisory groups put together (random or do they group by common interests etc.)
Some schools have kids stay with the same advisor and other school’s do with with a dorm based advisor. I have had/have kids in both styles.
The one with the dorm based advisor ended up working out fine. Most boarding schools are small enough, barring high turnover, so advisors will be familiar with a kid even if they are “new” to each other. It was also good in that the advisor from freshman year was a lot more hands on compared to the one from senior year. I’m assuming they did this on purpose.
The one with the assigned advisor can also work out. There is movement allowed based on fit after a year and no hard feelings.
One factor I noticed in how much bandwidth the advisor had is how much “support” staff there is. One school is intense and adults have to wear a lot of hats, which affects how much they can devote to advisory.
2 Likes