After hours of crying... what should i do?

Applying to College Admission Stories
1

So I received my Stanford REA rejection letter about 10 hours ago.
It felt awful. The most surprising thing was HOW awful it felt, I really thought I was prepared for this… but I guess I wasn’t. I haven’t sent out my other applications yet and right now I am having serious doubts about my Common Application essays; worried about having almost nil volunteer hours or research projects on my transcript. I was considering applying to a few other top-notch schools. I have the grades and scores, but… I keep reading over my CommonApp essay and thinking, was this too cheesy? should i have been more lighthearted? or more serious? was this story just not compelling enough? etc, etc.

I could REALLY use some advice on this… I haven’t had this big of a breakdown since getting bullied in 5th grade. I feel disgusted at myself for being so broken over an email; I keep telling myself this counts for nothing in the bigger scheme of things but I find myself opening the rejection letter and reading it over and over again. What’s wrong with me…

Should I consider changing my CommonApp essay? Am I just not good enough for the top schools? I have the basics but nothing unique. From your experiences when will the awful feeling go away? Did you ever stop wondering WHY you were rejected from your first choice?

Just a neverending cycle of questioning and doubting every bit of my application and on extension every bit of myself.

2

First, stop beating yourself up, there’s nothing wrong with you. This is just one school, and their decision has nothing to do with your worth. I know someone who was rejected Stanford EA and went on to be blazingly happy at an Ivy that was a better fit for him, anyway–he was just as miserable and self-doubting as you, believe me. Give yourself a little time to mourn, but then find some schools–there are so many great ones!–that will be great for you, and think of them, imagine yourself at them, let the vision of yourself at that other place fade rather than cloud your new image.

Before you freak out about your application, have some other people read your essays. You’ll have to write some new ones anyway, probably, and perhaps the new ones will seem inspired enough to dump the commonapp essay, but don’t panic.

And yes, make sure you have a range of schools on your list. Don’t give up on reaches, but don’t limit yourself to them.

Good luck! This was just a first swing of the bat; you get several more, you know.

3

As a parent who has been on CC for many years, first child applied 5 years ago, and the second one your year, I want to tell you that what you are feeling is very normal.

My older one was deferred from Columbia when we all thought she should have been a shoo-in (we were a lot more naive back then). The night she was deferred, she curled up into a ball, with her head on my lap, cried herself to sleep. As a parent, it was the first time I felt there was nothing I could do for her.

Long story short, she ended up at Cornell. Just a week after she showed up on campus, she thought it was the perfect school for her, she didn’t know why she ever considered other schools, much less Columbia. She had very good 4 years at Cornell. She loved it so much, she really encouraged her younger sister to apply ED there this year.

Stanford’s admit rate is so low, with so many applicants, they probably could fill their class multiple times with very qualified students. I wouldn’t take the rejection as an indication of your qualification, maybe more of a fit.

I would get someone else to look at your application/essays again to see if there is anything you should change/improve. If you have good enough stats for Stanford, you will have many options come April, and end up at a place that’s right for you.

D1 wondered why she was rejected from Columbia when another girl from her school got in. It is something she would never know, but at some point it just didn’t matter any more. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling so bad. You worked hard to get to this point. As I told both of my kids, “Don’t let the college process define you as a person, and don’t let it diminish all you have accomplished.”

Good luck. Hope you feel better soon.

4

thank you for the replies. i’m slowly starting to recover. at the moment i can’t stop myself from being insecure, but from what you’ve both written i have hope that i’ll get over this quickly. thanks again.

would it be too much to ask if either/both of you can read my main essay? i’ve messaged some close friends and they’ve said they’ll read it and give me comments, but i’d like to get a stranger’s/adult’s perspective if possible.

5

I will read it.

I would be happy to take a look at your ECs section too. D2 took a lot of time with that section.

6

do you mean the EC short response? :frowning: i didn’t spend a lot of time on that one, it was pretty hastily done. is there a specific way i should list my ECs? I noted everything in detail and put them in order of personal importance; that was all i did…

7

I absolutely know how you feel. I was rejected from my dream school yesterday, and I went into shock after finding out. I physically felt ill; it was like going through a bad breakup. I’d “get over it” for a few hours, and then I’d get this unexpected crying jag and absolutely break down. Sounds melodramatic, but my heart was really set on going there, and I guess I wasn’t as prepared for rejection as I’d thought. Also, according to CC, people with lower GPA’s/test scores/worse stats were accepted, and I wasn’t even deferred. All my friends and family tell me I’m good enough for the Ivy League/Stanford, etc. but now I’m basically considering only state schools and easy private institutions, because I just don’t think it’s worth my time and money to chase after the schools I used to dream about. But who knows? This college thing is a crapshoot, and everything happens for a reason, right?

8

same boat, I feel like crossing out my original list and just applying to schools near home. my parents are being really supportive over this rejection and they’re super nice but that makes this worse… all that money they paid for my stupid private school and SAT books and applications… and another small fortune to pay for applying to schools that, from how Ive been feeling for the last couple days, I’m not going to get accepted to anyway. But the only way to know is to apply I guess. It would be great if we had an outlet for our insecurities though.

9

avtrox, that’s what CC is for. Many, many,many posters here have been down the same road.

My son found himself in the same place - he was in love with Georgetown. He ended up at Penn, and has never looked back (Though my wife found his rejection letter stashed away in a dresser drawer). Along the way, he was accepted at many other great schools. I know it’s difficult, but trust that you will end up where you are meant to be.

Here is an interesting article on the topic.

[When</a> Success Follows the College Rejection Letter - WSJ.com](<a href=“http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704211704575139891390595962.html]When”>http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704211704575139891390595962.html)

Good luck!!

10

Personal experience has shown me that about three night’s sleep softens the sharp edges of the rejection to manageable tolerances. Time does heal. But remember, even with the best credentials in the world, entry into these types of schools is still kind of a crap shoot. The only way this rejection could hurt you is if it makes you doubt yourself and you stop trying.

Despite it’s advantages, I’ve always felt that the biggest downside of EA is the demoralization factor should you not get in. At least with RDs you hopefully get some acceptances along with the rejections or waitlistings in the same short span of time to mitigate the effects of the bad news.

11

Just remember that admissions into these highly competitive schools often comes down to admissions officers trying to balance the classes. So if you have the same stats as a left-handed oboe player and they don’t have a left-handed oboe player in the class, then that person will be selected over you. One of the most brilliant kids I know didn’t get accepted into Stanford but got into every other Ivy she applied to. You don’t need to give up your dreams because one school didn’t accept you. Apply to a range of schools you’d be happy attending…some reaches, some targets and some safeties and you’ll be fine.<br>
There is more than one “right” school.

12

Stop being so negative. Stanford is one of the toughest schools to get in, and I don’t believe that there aren’t any schools that can’t offer you the experiences and opportunities that you want in college.

13

Also want to add, this is the first of many disappointments in life - my D went through it a few years back with Brown. She can’t figure out why she was upset now and is heading to study in China next month for 7 months. Your lives will go on and be full and rich with experiences and honestly - this is good prep to get on with life. Don’t give up on your dreams, just reinvent them.

14

<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/harvard-university/1114407-love-class-2014-a.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/harvard-university/1114407-love-class-2014-a.html&lt;/a&gt;

15

As a parent, and someone with a few years of life experience: go ahead and cry for awhile and get it out of your system. It always hurts to be rejected, no matter for what or how old you are.

But then, let it go and move on. If you get into an ivy League or top school, great. If you don’t, it isn’t the end of the world. Life is what you make it. You don’t need a degree from a ‘top’ university to be a success in life. Success isn’t about the best job, or the most money, or the best (whatever), it is about being the best person you can be, loving others, giving back to your community and world, being a person of integrity, and so much more.

Good luck to you!

16

thanks so much to everyone who has replied;) i’m completely over it now and happily making the finishing touches to my RD applications! hoping for the best:)

17

Please keep us updated…we are on your side. You will have many successes and we want to celebrate them with you!

18

After my hours long crying sessions the first thing I usually do is throw my pillow in the dryer. It’s okay to cry. It helps.

19

Please don’t post to old threads. This one is almost 5 years old.