Am I writing the essay correctly?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I would like someone to take a look at my essay and see if I am doing it correctly.
The assignment is as follows:</p>

<p>"Tough challenges reveal our strengths and weaknesses." This statement is certainly true; adversity helps us discover who we are. Hardships can often lead us to examine who we are and to question what is important in life. In fact, people who have experienced seriously adverse events frequently report that they were positively changed by their negative experiences.</p>

<p>Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?</p>

<p>My response:
People need challenged to help them reveal their strengths and weaknesses. Always being at ease is bad as it doesn’t allow us to discover our hidden abilities. Students discover their capabilities only after they are given a tough assignement. Likewise, athletes figure out their limits only after they have pushed themselves to the extreme. Therefore, ease does not challenge us and we need adversity to help us discover who we are.</p>

<pre><code> I have gotten to know myself only after I was put into a difficult curriculum. That included all honors classes and one AP class. The amount of homework was enormous, especially for the AP World History which gave essays as homework. Honors English class was also difficult as it gave projects that took much time to complete. Thus, my schedule was challenging. However, it did reveal to me my innate talents. For example, the essays helped me to discover that I was a good writer as I scored perfectly on every single one of them, while my classmates struggled to even get a passing grade. In addition, the plentitude of projects that I have created for my English class revealed to me that I had much creative though in me, as the English teacher always commented on how unique my projects were. Furthermore, I have learned that I am good at researching stuff for my projects, as the teacher said, were “well researched and well done.” If I hadn’t been put into such a rigorous curriculum, I would have never discovered that I had these qualities in me.

Athletes, like students as me, also find their limits or talents only after they push themselves to the limit. An aspiring athlete can only figure out if he can be an endurance runner only after he has signed up for a marathon, which is insanely hard to complete. Similarly, an athlete may never know if he is Olympic material unless he signs up for various competitions, which are both time consumnig and difficult. In addition, an athlete may find that he is not good at sports, but that can happen only after he has challenged his body with vigorous exercise. Overall, an athlete can dins his talents or limits only after he has challenging himself with exercise or competitions; with enduring or winning meaning he has what it takes and collapsing or losing meaning he doesn’t has what it takes.

In conclusion, only with challenges can we discover our streghts and weaknesses. These challenges put us through a test and if we pass it, we have talent, but if we don’t, then we have a weakness.
</code></pre>

<p>This is how I graded my essay (not sure if correctly though):
This essay effectively develops that point of view that "People need challenges to help them reveal their strengths and weaknesses." The essay then demonstrates progression of ideas by using a personal example to describe "a difficult curriculum" at school and how "it did reveal to me my innate talents." Next the essay states that "like students", athletes "also find their limits or talents only after they push themselves to the limit." The essay suggests that pushing oneself to the limit is a difficult thing. Finally, the essay concludes with a brief conclusion.Vocabulary is apt, although more difficult words are needed and some misspellings are found (assignement, consumnig, streghts...) Some variety in sentence structure is found: "These challenges put us through a test and if we pass it, we have talent, but if we don't, then we have a weakness." However, the example about athletes is not as fully developed as the personal one. More critical thinking on the topic would have helped the essay score higher. Nevertheless, this essay showed reasonably consistent mastery and merits a 5.</p>

<p>Well, what do you think? Did I overestimate my essay, which I think I did? Any tips on how to write better would be greatly appreciated! Thank you</p>

2

<p>bump 10char</p>

3

<p>bump… you don’t have to write much, just give me the #</p>

4

<p>I would give it a 4/6.</p>

<p>Your examples are a little superficial and could benefit from more insight. Also, you tend to repeat phases and use the same sentence structure.</p>

5

<p>Indeed, my writing does seem to be kind of repetitive. Thanks for your input!</p>

6

<p>Your second example is based strictly on your personal opinion. It consists of assertions without proof. I suppose you think that the assertions are common sense, but that’s not the point of essays.</p>

<p>If you want to stick to examples of “athletes needing to test their limits” you need an example akin to that of the first four-minute mile – pacing, failures, hard limits, and training etc. in the period when this was one of the most anticipated breakthrough in sport. Research this, or similar athletic feats and try to rewrite your second example.</p>

<p>Your first example finesses the need for “proof points” because you talk about yourself. It lacks depth but it’s okay in that it’s on topic.</p>

<p>My sense is that this essay would score a perfunctory 6-8.</p>

7

<p>I guess my examples are a little too general. Maybe its because I used to write essays for world history which are based primarily on generalizations and common sense… Here is my rewrite for the second paragraph which is more specific and detailed:</p>

<p>Athletes, like students as me, also find their limits or talents only after they push themselves to the limit. For example, LeBron James was born to a poor family. His father abandoned him and his mother was only sixteen at that time. Despite being born into poverty, LeBron continued on and attended school, even though he found out that he is not good at academics. He struggled and eventually found out that he is good at basketball. LeBron quickly perceived that he had a natural strength and quickness that is not found in many young players. However, this did not come easily as when his mother gave him a ball, he would drivel for many hours each day. Instead of going to school, LeBron could have dropped out of school and become involved with drugs, but he persevered. LeBron decided to struggle on and to participate in sports despite his bad financial situation, which allowed him to discover his talent in basketball. If he wouldn’t have faced these challenges, LeBron probably wouldn’t have tried as hard for he would know that he is already rich and there is no need in trying. The ominous financial challenge and his poor background are what gave LeBron a task of pushing himself to the limit, which he did by practicing for hours each day, and this pushing is what allowed him to discover his natural talent for basketball.</p>

<p>Thank you for replying!</p>

8

<p>Yes, that’s what’s expected. In practice you won’t have time on the SAT for so much detail, and the readers don’t expect so much.</p>

9

<p>Oh, I see. Now looking back at my previous essays that I have wrote, I perceive that most of the examples in them were just assertions or “common sense” as you term it… It seems that I’ll have to work on creating generic specific examples for the SAT essay. Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it!</p>