American Pageant: Does anyone hate it?

CoyoteBringsFire · July 27, 2010, 4:37pm

Yes, this was the worst textbook I’ve ever used. I kept up the first 50 pages of reading, then gave up for the rest of the year. It doesn’t even help.

nerdofcomputers · July 27, 2010, 4:45pm

Never Mind…

th3lolz · July 27, 2010, 4:46pm

yes! the list of quotes:

<ol>
<li>The physical growth of New York was correspondingly ■■■■■■■■.</li>
<li>It was like giving a cannibal a finger in the hope of saving an arm.</li>
<li>He would indeed carry them out to the garbage heap.</li>
<li>…British, who now were ardently wooing their American cousins.</li>
<li>Yet the expansionists or imperialists could sing a seductive song.</li>
<li>Pleasure-loving General Howe then comfortably settled down in the lively capital.</li>
<li>The sprawling railroad octopus sorely needed restraint.</li>
<li>[Adams] was even accused of having procured a servant girl for the lust of the Russian czar- in short, of having served as a pimp.</li>
<li>Latter-day punsters gibed that the Mugwumps were priggish politicians who sat on the fence with their ‘mugs’ on one side and their ‘wumps’ on the other.</li>
<li>The moonlight-and-magnolia Old South, largely imaginary in any case, had forever gone with the wind.</li>
<li>Babies went unborn as pinched budgets and sagging self-esteem wrought a sexual depression in American bedrooms.</li>
<li>The Colossus of the North now seemed less a vulture and more an eagle.</li>
<li>Statutory neutrality, though of undoubted legality, was of dubious morality.</li>
<li>This ancient dictum, hitherto unilateral, had been a bludgeon brandished only in the hated Yankee fist.</li>
<li>By 1913…the chimes had struck sex o’clock in America.</li>
<li>Appeasement—the tactic of throwing weaker persons out of the sleigh to the pursuing wolves—has been tried, but the devoured victims had merely whetted dictatorial appetites.</li>
<li>Their high-pitched ‘rebel yell’ (‘yeeeahhh’) was designed to strike terror into the hearts of fuzz-chinned Yankee recruits.</li>
<li>Sweaty laborers also made gains as the progressive wave foamed forward.</li>
<li>Sherman and his orgy of pillaging on the South…</li>
<li>To conservatives this orgy seemed like the end of the world.
12th edition, page 262</li>
<li>Van Buren was washed out of Washington on a wave of apple juice.</li>
<li>The land was pregnant with opportunity…</li>
<li>Burr’s pistol blew the brightest brain out of the Federalist party.</li>
<li>The soil wasn’t fertile but the people were.</li>
<li>To say that America, with some French aid, defeated Britain is like saying, ‘Daddy and I killed the bear.’</li>
<li>The Federalist party was as extinct as the dinosaur.</li>
<li>The southward push of the Russian bear, from the chill region now know as Alaska.</li>
<li>The woods were full of presidential timber.</li>
<li>President Polk, broken in health by overwork and chronic diarrhea…</li>
<li>By the time beaver hats had gone out of fashion, the hapless beaver had all but disappeared from the region.</li>
<li>They denounced Van Buren as a supercilious aristocrat, a simpering dandy who wore corsets and ate French food from golden plates.</li>
<li>The two fiends could now slit each other’s throats on the icy steppes of Russia.</li>
<li>‘Long Tom’ Jefferson was inaugurated president on March 4, 1801… with large hands and feet.</li>
<li>But the Homestead Act was stabbed to death by the veto pen of President Buchanan, near whose elbow sat leading southern sympathizers.</li>
<li>‘Old Andy’ Johnson was no doubt a man of parts–unpolished parts.</li>
<li>Pope… had seen only the backs of the enemy. Lee quickly showed him a front view.</li>
<li>‘Tyler too’ rhymed with ‘Tippecanoe,’ but there the harmony ended.</li>
<li>The free soil voters thereupon thronged to the polls and snowed it under.</li>
<li>It was ominous that the cultured Sumner should have used the language of a barroom bully and that the gentlemanly Brooks should have employed the tactics and tools of a thug.</li>
<li>His enemies dubbed him General “Gass” and quickly noted that Cass rhymed with jackass.</li>
<li>The new party assembled a strange assortment of new fellows in the same political bed.</li>
<li>As a result of a painful groin injury that caused him to fall of a horse, he (Franklin Pierce) was known as the ‘Fainting General’.</li>
<li>The nation lost the cream of its young manhood and potential leadership.</li>
<li>But when one’s house is on fire, one does not inquire too closely into the background of those who carry the water buckets.</li>
<li>Emboldened by this success, Lee daringly thrust into Maryland. He hoped to seduce the still-wavering Border State and its sisters from the Union.</li>
<li>The Confederate troops sang lustily.</li>
<li>What other power would have spurned the imperial domain of Texas? The bride was so near, so fair, so rich, so willing. Whatever the peculiar circumstances of the Texas revolution, the United States can hardly be accused of unseemly haste in achieving annexation. Nine long years were surely a decent wait between the beginning of the courtship and achieving the consummation of the marriage</li>
<li>Ravenous, the gods of war demanded men – lots of men.</li>
<li>Shunning people, he [Adams] often went for early-morning swims, sometimes stark naked, in the then pure Potomac River.</li>
<li>A few skunks can pollute a large area.</li>
<li>The Native Americans were finally ghettoized on reservations.</li>
<li>Americans did not feel that they could offend their great and good friend, the tsar, by hurling his walrus-covered icebergs back into his face.</li>
<li>Lincoln needed a general who, employing the superior resources of the North, would have the intestinal stamina to drive ever forward…</li>
<li>In addition, tens of thousands of babies went unborn because potential fathers were at the front.</li>
<li>…The first voting in the Senate, the tension was electric, and heavy breathing could be heard in the galleries.</li>
<li>Yet few rebellions have ended with the victors sitting down to a love feast with the vanquished.</li>
<li>The Man in the Moon, it was said, had to hold his nose when passing over America.</li>
<li>…His [Lincoln’s] death could not have been better timed if he had hired the assassin.</li>
<li>In the mud splattered campaign that followed, regular Republicans denounced Greeley as an atheist, a communist, a free-lover, a vegetarian, a brown-bread eater and a cosigner of Jefferson Davis’s bail bond.</li>
<li>Some are born great,
Some achieve greatness,
And some are born in Ohio.</li>
<li>They were uncoordinated like a drunken centipede.</li>
<li>Delay seemed dangerous, for the claws of the British lion might snatch the ripening California fruit from the talons of the American eagle.</li>
<li>The war rearoused the snarling dog of the slavery issue, and the beast did not stop yelping until drowned in the blood of the Civil War.</li>
<li>What might young people get up to in the privacy of a closed-top Model T? An Indiana juvenile court judge voiced parents’ worst fears when he condemned the automobile as ‘a house of prostitution on wheels.’
12th Edition, Page 742</li>
<li>Sweeping through 27 states and traveling 18,000 miles, he [William Jennings Bryan] made nearly 600 speeches - 36 in one day - and even invaded the East, “the enemy’s country.” Vachel Lindsay caught the spirit of his oratorical orgy.</li>
<li>The Indians, who had lived in the area for centuries, severely cramped the style of the settlers in New Netherlands.</li>
<li>America did not start the war with imperialistic motives, but after falling through the cellar door of imperialism in a drunken fit of idealism, it wound up with imperialistic and colonial fruits in its grasp.</li>
<li>The metallic fingers of the railroads intimately touched countless phases of American life.
Page 535</li>
<li>Corruption lurks nearby when fabulous fortunes can materialize overnight.</li>
<li>As fast fingered financers executed multimillion-dollar maneuvers beneath the noses of a bedazzled public…</li>
<li>Public interest was frequently trampled underfoot as the railroad titans waged their brutal wars.</li>
<li>The early years of Jamestown provided nightmares for all concerned—except the buzzards.</li>
<li>Telephone boys were at first employed as operators, but their profanity shocked patrons.</li>
<li>Competition was the bugler of most business leads of the day.</li>
<li>The depression of the 1890s drove into his unwelcoming arms many bleeding businesspeople, wounded by cutthroat competition.</li>
<li>The stage was set for miracles of production.</li>
<li>A kind of primitive savagery prevailed in the jungle world of big business, where only the fittest survive.</li>
<li>Duke took full advantage of the new technology to mass-produce the dainty “coffin nails.”</li>
<li>Aroused, the republicans struck back swiftly.</li>
<li>The chronic skin disorder on his nose inspired the taunt, ‘Johnny Morgan’s nasal organ has a purple hue.’</li>
<li>But Darwinism undoubtedly did much to loosen religious moorings and to promote unbelief among the gospel-glutted.</li>
<li>Colleges and universities also shot up like lusty young saplings…</li>
<li>A college education increasingly seemed indispensable in the scramble for the golden apple of success.</li>
<li>The popularity of heavy whickers (beards) waned as the century ended; such hairy adornments were now coming to be regarded as germ traps.</li>
<li>Critics now complained in vain of these “pressitutes.”</li>
<li>Mustachioed Mark Twain had leapt to fame…</li>
<li>His (Anthony Comstock’s) proud claim was that he had driven at least fifteen people to suicide.</li>
<li>But rum was now on the run.</li>
<li>To many Americans, the Japanese were getting too big for their kimonos.
12th edition, page 659</li>
<li>Hessian hirelings proved to be good soldiers in a mechanical sense, but many of them were more interested in booty then in duty.
11th edition, page 144</li>
<li>This controversy poured holy oil on the smoldering fires of rebellion.
12th edition, page 95</li>
<li>Seemingly the farmer had only to tickle the soil with a hoe, and it would laugh with harvest.
12th edition, page 91</li>
<li>The so-called rape of Panama marked an ugly downward lurch in U.S. relations with Latin America.
page 657</li>
<li>A wedding of the rails was finally consummated near Ogden, Utah, in 1869, as two locomotives gently kissed cowcatchers.
12th edition, page 531</li>
<li>A nest-feathering crowd moved into Washington and proceeded to hoodwink Harding, whom many regarded as an ‘amiable boob.’</li>
<li>But in the new era, exploratory young folk sat in darkened movie houses or took to the highways and byways in automobiles–branded “houses of prostitution on wheels” by straightlaced elders. There, the youthful “neckers” and “petters” poached upon the forbidden territory of each other’s bodies.</li>
<li>The anti-imperialist blanket even stretched over such strange bedfellows as the labor leader Samuel Gomper and the steel titan Andrew Carnegie.
11th edition, page 655</li>
<li>The eminent chief justice, so Webster reported, approvingly drank in the familiar arguments as a baby sucks in its mother’s milk.</li>
<li>America needed no such cowardly apostles, whose white sheets concealed dark purposes.
11th edition, page 748</li>
<li>The South of 1865 was to be rich in little but amputees, war heroes, ruins, and memories.
12th edition, page 450</li>
<li>After all these unpopular measures, the war scare had petered out, and the country was left with an all-dressed-up-but-no-place-to-go feeling.
Page 212</li>
<li>As literacy increased, so did book reading.
13th edition, page 579</li>
<li>He was much like the mother who had to throw her sickly younger children to the pursuing wolves to save her sturdy firstborn.</li>
<li>A “wedding of the trails” was finally consummated near Ogden, Utah, in 1869, as two locomotives – “facing on one single track, half a world behind each back” – gently kissed cowcatchers.
13th Edition, page 533</li>
<li>The prewar song ‘I Didn’t Raise My Boy to be a Soldier’ was changed to ‘I Didn’t Raise My Boy to be a Slacker,’ which in turn inspired the cruel parody: ‘I Didn’t Raise My Dog to be a Sausage.’
Page 727</li>
<li>In essence, the Spanish-American War was a kind of colossal coming-out-party.</li>
<li>The University of Chicago, opened in 1892, speedily forged into a front-rank position, owing largely to the lubricant of John D. Rockefeller’s oil millions.
Page 576</li>
<li>Swallowing some of these possessions eventually produced political indigestion.
12th Edition, page 624</li>
<li>He cast his seed on fertile ground.
12th Edition, page 624</li>
<li>One hungry man killed, salted, and ate his wife.
12th edition, Page 29</li>
<li>Their censors sheared away war stories harmful to the Allies and drenched the United States with tales of German bestiality.
13th addition, Page 689</li>
<li>They began to dump the contents of their bulging warehouses on the United States, often cutting their prices below cost in an effort to strangle the American war-baby factories in the cradle. The infant industries bawled lustily for protection.
12th edition, Page 241</li>
<li>The Confederates, themselves too exhausted or disorganized to pursue, feasted on captured lunches.
12th Edition, Page 452</li>
<li>The Klan became a refuge for numerous bandits and cutthroats. Any scoundrel could don a sheet.
12th Edition, Page 493</li>
<li>The Great Depression was one omelet Hoover couldn’t unscramble…</li>
<li>The Russian bear, having lumbered across Asia, was seeking to bathe its frostbitten paws in the ice-free ports of China’s Manchuria, particularly Port Arthur. In Japanese eyes, Manchuria and Korea in tsarist hands were pistols pointed at Japan’s strategic heart.</li>
<li>Opponents quailed at the crack of his quip.</li>
<li>Other pen-wielding knights likewise entered the fray.
12th Edition, Page 665</li>
<li>Jovial Taft, with ‘mirthquakes’ of laughter bubblings up from his abundant abdomen was personally popular.
12th Edition, Page 683</li>
<li>Taft revealed a further knack for shooting himself in the foot…
12th Edition, Page 685</li>
<li>He had bitten himself and gone mad.
12th Edition, Page 689</li>
<li>To remain in the White House, the president would have to woo the bull moose voters.
12th Edition, Page 693</li>
<li>America’s war declaration of April 6, 1917 bore the unambiguous trademark ‘Made in Germany.’
12th Edition, Page 707</li>
<li>The newcomers soon made friends with the French girls—or tried to…
12th Edition, Page 718</li>
<li>He forced through a compromise between naked imperialism and Wilsonian ideals.
12th Edition, Page 720</li>
<li>One democratic senator angrily charged that the president had strangled his own brainchild with his own palsied hands rather that let the Senate straighten its crooked limbs.
12th Edition, Page 724</li>
<li>The ‘Fighting Quaker’ was there upon dubbed the ‘Quaking Fighter.’
12th Edition, Page 729</li>
<li>Decent people at last recalled from the orgy of ribboned flesh.
12th Edition, Page 730</li>
<li>…And the 1920s witnessed what many old-timers regarded as a veritable erotic eruption.
12th Edition, Page 745</li>
<li>Railroad workers…were not sidetracked.
12th Edition, Page 693</li>
<li>Britain ruled the waves, and waived the rules.</li>
<li>Thrusting out steel tentacles, it changed the daily life of the people in unprecedented ways
10th Edition, Page 754</li>
<li>Not only did he lash the devil with his tongue, but with his fists he knocked out rowdies who tried to break up his meetings. His Christianity was definitely muscular.
13th Edition, Page 322</li>
<li>Imperialism or Bryanism in 1900?
Page 670</li>
<li>The superenergetic, second-fiddle Roosevelt out-Bryaned Bryan.
Page 670</li>
<li>But as the year dragged on, Japan began to run short of men and yen.
Page 659</li>
<li>Under such dubious midwifery was the infant born, and no one should have been surprised when the child proved to be sickly and relatively short lived.
Page 649</li>
<li>But gradually he evolved from a shrinking pipsqueak into a scrappy little cuss, gaining confidence to the point of cockiness.</li>
<li>Most troubling, in trying to demonstrate to a skeptical public his decisiveness and power of command, he was inclined to go off half-cocked or stick mulishly to a wrongheaded notion.</li>
<li>‘No one’ remarked Al Smith ‘shoots at Santa Claus.’
Page 798</li>
<li>But like a drunken reveler calling for madder music and stronger wine, Hitler could not stop.
12th Edition, Page 813</li>
<li>The radiant Texas bride, officially petitioning for annexation in 1837, presented herself for marriage.
Page 280</li>
<li>And Adolph Hitler, a fanatic with a toothbrush mustache…
Page 809</li>
<li>General John J. (‘Black Jack’) Pershing, a grim-faced and ramrod-erect veteran of the Cuban and Philippine campaigns…
12th Edition, Page 696</li>
<li>In truth, Hoover had been oversold as a wizard, and the public grumbled when his magician’s wand failed to produce rabbits.
12th Edition, Page 774</li>
<li>Many of these conditions had been created or worsened by Uncle Sam’s own narrow-visioned policies, but it was now too late to unscramble the omelet.
12th Edition, Page 770</li>
<li>Bedeviled abroad and becalmed at home, Jimmy Carter’s administration struck many Americans as bungling and befuddled.
12th Edition, Page 978</li>
<li>…the dubious moral character of ‘Tricky Dick’ Nixon…
11th Edition, Page 921</li>
<li>But MacArthur pooh-poohed all predictions of an effective intervention by the Chinese…
12th Edition, Page 884</li>
<li>The tide of “silver heresy” rapidly receded, and the “popocratic” fish were left gasping high and dry on a golden-sanded beach.</li>
<li>The concord of Camp David had been replaced with the grapes of wrath.</li>
<li>Who wants a chewed-up tank?
13th Edition, Page 815</li>
<li>The Whigs pussyfooted around the government.</li>
<li>Movie star Marilyn Monroe, with her ingenious smile and mandolin-curved hips, helped to popularize and commercialize- new standards of sensuous sexuality. So did Playboy magazine, first published in 1955.</li>
<li>A smallish man thrust suddenly into a giant job, Truman permitted designing old associates of the ‘Missouri Gang’ to gather around him and, like Grant, was stubbornly loyal to them when they were caught with cream on their whiskers.
13th Edition, Page 863</li>
<li>Another cancer in the bosom of the south…
12th Edition, Page 352</li>
<li>In pursuing its nativist goals, the APA [American Protective Association–notorious ‘know-nothings’ in a different guise] urged voting against Roman Catholic candidates for office and sponsored the publication of lustful fantasies about runaway nuns.
11th Edition, Page 576</li>
<li>The torch had now passed to craggy-faced Lynden Baines Johnson…
11th Edition, Page 945</li>
<li>The new federal regime would thrive, the propertied classes would fatten, and prosperity would trickle down to the masses.</li>
<li>A graceful pullout was becoming increasingly difficult.
Page 921</li>
<li>Eisenhower knew that he could not unscramble all the eggs that had been fried by the New Dealers and Fair Dealers for twenty long years.
Page 898</li>
<li>In the realm of consumerism, American products seemed to have Coca-Colonized the globe.
10th edition, Page 1015</li>
<li>One Virginia delegate insisted that to leave the choice to the people was like asking a blind person to choose colors.</li>
<li>Stonewall Jackson, master of speed and deception…</li>
<li>‘Forward men, they have cheese in their haversacks!’</li>
<li>[Henry George] was rich in idealism and in the milk of human kindness.
Page 577</li>
<li>Thaddeus Stevens, crusty and vindictive congressman from Pennsylvania. Seventy-four years old in 1866, he was a curious figure, with a protruding lower lip, a heavy black wig covering his bald head, and a deformed foot.
13th Edition, Page 490</li>
<li>…Strange French bedfellows…</li>
<li>A militant abolitionist, Brown became perhaps the most sung-about man up to that time, except Jesus.
12th Edition, Page 413</li>
<li>A silent crowd watched approvingly as salty tea was brewed for the fish.
12th Edition, Page 133</li>
<li>Vietnam is the dead albatross around Johnson’s neck that may pull him down.</li>
<li>…Massachusetts Bay, where many people were as much interested in cod as God.
11th Edition, Page 44</li>
<li>…The colonial chicks had been forced to cling close to the wings of their British mother hen. Now that the hawk [the French] was killed, they could range far afield with the spirit of independence.</li>
<li>The Canadians, of course, were profoundly displeased.
Page 162</li>
<li>The Americans had grown accustomed to running their own affairs, largely unmolested by remote officials in London.
Page 123</li>
<li>Europe developing sweet tooth would have momentous implications for world history.
Page 10</li>
<li>Hell was paved with the skulls of unbaptized babies.</li>
<li>A troubled soul, he finally blew out his brains with a shotgun blast.</li>
<li>Meanwhile, the kingdom of Spain became united- an event pregnant with destiny- in the late fifteenth century.
Page 13</li>
<li>In America chickens squawked and tar kettles bubbled as violators of The Association were tarred and feathered.
Page 134</li>
<li>They supported institutions like prisons, asylums, and pubic schools.
12th Edition, Page 272</li>
<li>…Supreme Court justice, Samuel Chase, who was so unpopular that Republicans named vicious dogs after him.
12th Edition, Page 219</li>
<li>Our country! In her intercourse with foreign nations may she always be in the right.
13th Edition, Page 240</li>
<li>But the poorer states’ rights people pooh-poohed the talk of anarchy.
12th Edition, Page 177</li>
<li>Americans were too busy chopping down trees to sit around painting landscapes, especially when a hostile Indian might burst from a nearby bush.</li>
<li>The frightful excesses of the French revolution were avoided, partly because cheap land was easily available. People do not chop off heads so readily when they can chop down trees.</li>
<li>The swelling numbers of these wretched bachelors…
12th Edition, Page 68</li>
<li>But solid foundations were being laid, and American cradles were continuing to rock a bumper crop of babies.
12th Edition, Page 199</li>
<li>This explosive issue had been debated with much heat in Congress, where the old North-South cleavage still lurked ominously.
12th Edition, Page 196</li>
<li>…In the small shop, where the master craftsman and his apprentice, rubbing elbows at the same bench, could maintain an intimate and friendly relationship.
13th Edition, Page 303</li>
<li>Everywhere the people flexed their political muscles.
12th Edition, Page 257</li>
<li>Bayonets were not for broiling beefsteaks over open fires.</li>
<li>John Quincy Adams was a chip off the old family glacier.</li>
<li>…clamoring for a public tit from which to suck the treasury…
Page 268</li>
<li>Schoolteachers, most of them men in this era, were too often ill-trained, ill-tempered, and ill-paid. They frequently put more stress on “lickin’” (with a hickory stick) than on “larnin’.” These knights of the blackboard often “boarded around” in the community, and some knew scarcely more than their older pupils. They usually taught only the “three Rs”–“readin’, ‘ritin’, and 'rithmetic.” To many rugged Americans, suspicious of “book larnin’,” this was enough.
13th Edition, Page 325</li>
<li>Yet much unofficial do-it-yourself liberation did take place.
12th Edition, Page 459</li>
<li>Some reformers were simply crackbrained cranks.
13th edition, Page 328</li>
<li>The proposed Whig tariff also felt the prick of the president’s well-inked pen.
Page 372</li>
<li>Sound American strategy now called for a crushing blow at the enemy’s vitals…
Page 383</li>
<li>Federalist aristocrats nervously fingered their tender white necks and eyed the Jeffersonian masses apprehensively.</li>
<li>Governor Wise of Virginia would have been wiser"
13th Edition, Page 423</li>
<li>Boom times became gloom times.
Page 508</li>
<li>Croquet became all the rage, though condemned by moralists of the ‘naughty nineties’ because it exposed feminine ankles and promoted flirtation.
12th Edition, Page 588</li>
<li>Republicans could not take future victories “for Granted.”
12th Edition, Page 503</li>
<li>Yet few rebellions have ended with the victors sitting down to a love feast with the vanquished.
12th edition, Page 497</li>
<li>The Russians were quite eager to unload their “frozen asset” on the Americans, and they put out seductive feelers in Washington.
Page 499</li>
<li>“The Philosophic ****,” attacked Jefferson.
Page 213</li>
<li>But wool manufacturers bleated for still-higher barriers.
Page 263</li>
<li>Leading the invading force was the grossly overweight General William R. Shafter, a leader so blubbery and gout-stricken that he had to be carried about on a door.
12th Edition, Page 634</li>
</ol>

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iltli92 · July 27, 2010, 11:18pm

lol strangest book ever… It’s often confusing and the only thing I really remember from the book was the fact that John Quincy Adams used to skinny dip in the morning, despite the fact that I got a 4 on APUSH. Haha, and all the awkwardly used adjectives…

RootBeerWriter · July 27, 2010, 11:36pm

Oh my gosh…American P!!! Bahaha this book was kind of a joke? I found a site that summarized the chapters for the quizzes, so after the first chapter, I never opened that book again. I got a 4 on the APUSH exam and a 710 on the SAT Subject test.

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