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Maybe I'm on the wrong track, but I think she'll get pretty far in life with manipulation
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<p>It depends on how you define 'far'. I believe there's something inside of you that will make it unable for you to feel truly happy with "ill gotten gains". It definitely affects your self esteem and casts a pall on anything you accomplish.</p>
<p>BTW, I was thinking something similar to Andi, but didn't post it. It may be interesting if the "popular girl" goes into damage control mode and contacts the schools thinking something was sent. I've told the story here before where a friend of mine interviewed at a prestigious school after another classmate. The interviewer said: "Oh, I see you're on the track team, I just interviewed your captain". The other student didn't even make it through tryouts on the team, but my friend said nothing. Later on the same student was caught cheating on his SATs and had several college admissions rescinded.</p>
<p>dooit - Actually, I'm not sure if people actually 'respect' me, but I'm not the quiet passive sort. The thing is, I'm not sure if this was an elaborate plot from beginning to end; maybe she just thought it was good to be friends with someone who -could- be one of those people who would write her a good rec (since I'm kinda like her superior for this large-scale charity project). She's a really charming and pretty person though; homecoming queen nominee. </p>
<p>After thinking it through, I kind of believe that maybe she wasn't being manipulative. She's just used to having her way. Can you believe that practically the entire college application was done by her parents? Her mom helped her fill in all the personal details on the ten schools she's applying to, helped her do all the mailing, emailing the schools to answer her queries, and even got in touch with some of their friends (Ivy alums) to edit her essays - and she's not even appreciative of it. I don't think I was 'picked' right from the beginning to be her pawn; I think she just milks the worth out of everyone else around her.</p>
<p>I agree with CTmudsC's advice. Write a frank, factual, but non-accusatory letter to her stating exactly what you said in this post. Send the identical letter both by e-mail and snail mail so you are sure she reads it. Definitely try to avoid the accusatory language, but lay out the facts - "You started contacting me; you ask for and I give you recommendations; and immediately then afterward I get the cold shoulder from you".</p>
<p>Also important in the letter is to say you are open to talking to her about any misimpressions or misunderstanding that you may have (perhaps she may interpret some of your friendship contacts as "smothering" and "being closer as friends than she intended"). However, be clear that you were used and you don't appreciate it. Send the letter which will then give you an immediate self-esteem boost. You are not a doormat and you will not be treated as one which she will know after getting this letter.</p>
<p>Gut it up and do it. Don't let her get away with using you.</p>
<p>Interesting thread...
I remember when I first learned that some college's request peer recs, I had recently met a new friend. I can't lie that the thought of getting her to potential write a rec crossed my mind and such a thought may have made me open up a bit more, but it was not my sole reason by far. Result? I ended up not applying to any peer rec colleges. and I have a friend who I consider to be a very good one thus far.</p>
<p>Dont write another letter. It can very well ruin her chances. That will ruin her life. You dont know whether she just planned this from the beginning. Who knows maybe she just didnt saw what she liked in you but you already promised her a letter. I agree what she did was very selfish of herself but be glad that you learned a lesson. Better now than later when you will really be heartbroken.</p>
<p>Dartmouth is the only one of the ivies that requires the peer rec.</p>
<p>As other parents said, what goes around comes around. It may not happen today or tomorrow, but it will happen.</p>
<p>I agree with Andi take the high road and let he stew by having her think that you dropped an additional recommendation in the mail to Dartmouth.</p>
<p>Is there any chance that she (the former "friend") and/or her parents might have perceived something not so flattering or something that raises questions about the applicant in the recs you wrote (thus provoking the cold-shoulder response)?</p>
<p>Sometimes certain language/words used in recs can send subtle messages that a writer might not have realized -- is it possible this happened?</p>
<p>If I were you, I'd ask a teacher or another adult who is experienced with the nuances of recommendation letters to read the rec you wrote just to see if there is any inadvertent negative or even neutral message in the rec. At least this way you'll be able to eliminate any possibility that her behavior may somehow be linked to the actual recommendation itself.</p>
<p>Clearly the OP was used, I didn't state or imply she hadn't been used. Nonetheless, identifying any potential catalyst for the offender's behavior could at least yield the OP a clearer understanding. Perhaps you are the one who needs to "get over it" because clearly you are the one who is disturbed.</p>
<p>I'm usually a nice guy, but I immediately jump to being an @$$hole if something like that happens to me.</p>
<p>If I were in your shoes, I would send a note to the schools just laying down the facts:</p>
<p>She became close friends with you for a few months, asked you to write her a peer recommendation (which you did), and after giving her a completed and very positive peer recommendation, cut off all contact with you.</p>
<p>The adcom will conclude the rest.</p>
<p>Don't worry about ruining her life. Plus, it's better for her to learn this lesson earlier now than later.</p>