Any parents of ordinary kids here?

Parents Forum
41

Not intending to be condescending at all. I identify more with the OP than I do with most posters on CC. My two average kids go to average colleges that are perfect for them, schools that are never talked about on CC. They didn’t write essays (well, one wrote a 250 word one, which I’d describe more as a few sentences than an essay), didn’t need letters of recommendation, didn’t need glowing reports from their high school guidance counselor (who I didn’t feel helped them get into college or even suggest a college). They looked at a few schools, picked the ones they liked, applied and that was that. They knew nothing about prestige of a college so it never factored in their choices. They liked or didn’t like schools because of the programs, the buildings, the other students, the activities offered. Neither one has ever heard of USNWR and wouldn’t know if their schools were ranked 27 or 227, nor would they care. Finances were a much bigger consideration than any ranking for our family.

My first average child also got merit aid, but nothing near full tuition. My other child who is above average in math and science but below in English and writing (so average) got more, but not full tuition. Her athletic hook would have gotten her into top LACs but she didn’t want that.

My average kids didn’t need any help from CC to pick their schools or get in. I still find CC very helpful for other things, including financing and taxes.

42

@poblob14 A 3.7 g.p.a. is very good. There are a lot of people who have improved their ACT scores from 24 to 27 or 28 or even higher, and doing so can result in some real merit aid at schools like Alabama and Ole Miss, among others. My nephew went from a 24 on his first attempt as a freshman to a 34 on his eighth as a senior. So the best way to view this forum is as a self-improvement site.

With that said, there are a lot more people with a 24 than a 30, and a lot of them are looking for information, too. They just aren’t as quick to throw their ACT score out there.

43

Agree about the supermatch tool. It came up with such an odd list.
But most of us mention getting a Fiske Guide. And if needed, How to Pay for College Without Going Broke, or others.

In the end, it’s true, there are so many fine colleges educating bright kids well.

44

Even most of those ‘top’ kids go to their local state schools and flagships. People go a bit crazy during the selection and application process but reality hits once financial aid (if any) and scholarships numbers come back. Some will choose a less prestigious school because of scholarships or low cost, proximity to family, friends, etc. etc. Some don’t get admitted to ANY schools they applied to (!) and end up at community college. Others may have similar stats to your daughter but also possess special talents (sports, music, social activism) , be a URM (including males at many LACs) , or have a compelling story, or just be a great weaver of tales.

In this most recent round I saw many of my son’s friends turn down Ivy’s and major privates for our state schools. It’s hard for a middle class family to justify $150K+ difference for an undergraduate degree, or even more with the merit scholarships many received.

For example, in the big 10, your daughter is within the 25/75% inter-quartile range of Nebraska, Michigan State, Iowa, Indiana and Purdue. Raising her ACT 2 points adds Illinois, Penn State, Wisconsin and Minnesota. She isn’t far off the average for many major research universities.

Use this time to explore what works best for your daughter, and use CC for practical advice about the process.

45

Those who don’t believe there are extraordinary kids out there will be surprised when their kids get older. This is especially true for folks living in small towns like mine. Practical knowledge is hard to grasp without experience for, i.e., young parents.

46

Everyone thinks their own kids are special. And all of us want the best for our kids - whatever that means.

Most of the posters here at CC are, or at least try, to be helpful. But sometimes their perspectives are very different, and the advice they give, while well meaning, doesn’t apply to all of us all of the time.

Particularly, this forum skews more heavily towards families who earn significantly more than average. Also, there tend to be few parent posters here who claim not to have gone to college themselves. There is probably a correlation there.

Despite what many of us might wish for, the college search, application and decision process is not scientific. But it can be overwhelming at its worst, if not intimidating, and at best it can be described as simply challenging. Hearing from parents and students who have gone through this process before can be reassuring to most of us.

In addition to some great information and advice, I also have found, quite often, that I will get a chuckle or two when I read some of the comments here. I appreciate the humor that many share here, as it helps me to do something that a lot of people advise anyone going through this process - RELAX.

47

I have two kids who attended/attend some pretty average colleges, so no, you won’t be the only parent here not considering the IVy League. You can find great advice on the search process, but I agree with whoever said the scope of recommended schools is really narrow. Check out the fin aid forum. Lots of great, practical advice there, especially if you’re going to have trouble meeting your EFC.

BTW, a 24 ACT isn’t average. It’s at about the 74th percentile. It really is a Lake Wobegone score!

48

Welcome, OP! I don’t blame you for feeling like you’re in the wrong place-I sure did at first. And I totally got your sense of humor.

As it’s already been pointed out, a 24 ACT is actually ABOVE the average, and a 3.7 is well above average too. Just because SOME people think that is community college material, don’t get discouraged. You’re only in trouble if all you want is Ivies, and heck, even most of the best of the best of the best don’t even get into those!

My D was looking at a very specific subset of colleges that aren’t well-represented on CC-that is Historically Black Colleges/Universities. So I had to figure those out for myself. But other info on CC has been very useful, and I too will recommend the “Class of” forums. I’ve found some great friends there, who don’t even care what “stats” each of us has.

My only caution would be not to take everything said on any forum as gospel-we all have our own journeys and our kids have their own stories. Even if one of the old-times thinks you should do “A” but you think “B” is better-listen to yourself too. They aren’t you.

My older D was an “average” student by CC standards who got into every college where she applied-large, small, public, private. She did NOT start at a community college. Some of D’s friends could tell the same story. Good luck to you!

49

I was actually drawn by your post title. When I first came here I started in the chance me threads and thought I was in the wrong place. It had me questioning my parent skills. You do have to sift thru the high achiever threads to find the average Joe threads. For every Ivy league kid there are 10 regional university kids. Lots of great information here and welcome to the forum.

50

“790 on my math2 should i retake??”
“only 35 on act, how to improve?”
“gpa sucks, only 4.9. can i still get into a good college”

  • collegeconfidential in a nut shell
51

We are parents of above average but not tippy top kids. We also have decent incomes but we are not in the top 1%.

52

This site may also be helpful. Colleges that change lives. The main goal is to find a school which is the right fit (academic and environment that suits their personality) for the student where they will feel comfortable and want to spend the next four years.

http://ctcl.org/about/

53

I will say one thing in defense of CC…I became much more realistic about where to aim for when it came to colleges for my kid…I was thinking Harvard but turns out Harvard really wasn’t thinking about my daughter. :slight_smile: But I was able to help her find some awesome colleges and it all turned out. With your daughter’s 24 ACT and weighted 3.7, you’ll find the right colleges and it’ll save time and money once you have that list!

54

My advice as a newbie would be to not rely solely on cc for information - early on to the site we followed some advice and fortunately I brought it up at an admissions presentation and the AD said, I wish you would have called me and asked about this…luckily we could still fix it…so if it is important, remember the admissions people are available at a school to answers questions, or even call the department of the major. Also, every student has a different situation, if you read housing if full at xyz school, call them - don’t believe what you read, that kind of thing…

Lastly, there are plenty of people that pay for college, many full boat, because they can or they want to, and they do it with cash, with 529 funds, with grandparent’s money, with credit cards or loans, whatever works for them. For the first year on here, I thought no one on CC actually paid for college and only went if they got merit or aid. Oddly, how much you choose to spend or borrow will be what perfect strangers have the biggest opinion on.

55

Referring to post #18…I am still getting over being jealous of RightCoaster’s kids got up today at 9:45 am! :slight_smile:

Every kid is soooooo different. We have 5 and each one is unique.

1 was an 89% average kid in HS, only 1 AP. No amount of nagging would get her to raise that 89 to a 90 (= National Honor Soc) because well, frankly, she said she didn't want to! Luckily through CC we found our way to an opportunity program, where she is in an accelerated pre-professional program. She will do a 1-year masters, so minimal debt.

2 was a 100+ % average kid with 10 APs and a highly developed leadership and ECs. Through CC we found out about Questbridge and he is the first from our HS to go to the Ivy he now attends. The financial aid (need-based) is even more generous than most full merit packages would have been.

Two totally different kids, two very different searches and results. Both affordable. Neither would have been possible without CC.

Now we are on Round #3! You can bet I am counting on CC for advice every step of the way.

By the way – I make it a point to never read Chance threads.

56

Never did I think of my child as “average” and very few would call her “ordinary”. However, I also knew she wasn’t going to gain admission to an Ivy. My D15 was also a weighted 3.7-something student. Her unweighted GPA was around 3.2, 3.3. Bright but a solid B, B+ student. We leaned heavily in the CTCL schools and public liberal arts colleges (St.Mary’s College of Maryland, UNC Asheville, Truman St). I learned of these schools on CC.

We did a wide search because I knew the fit would be important, even for a non-stellar student. Cost was also a factor. She ended up getting significant merit aid at all but one school so our COA is comparable to an in state university.

I found the parent 3.0-3.3 students threads very helpful. Everyone works together to help and support each other through this process.

57

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1871275-parents-of-the-hs-class-of-2017-3-0-to-3-4-gpa.html#latest

58

I have been on this forum since 2007 and have never been on the chance forum. I am often puzzled by posts like this since the parents’ forum often has kids who are spiraling down in some way, or the parents who are concerned and want help. My perception of CC is very different than its reputation apparently.

There are a lot of great schools out there. People have mentioned the Colleges that Change Lives website. Loren Pope wrote the book and there are national fairs. Pope also wrote “Looking Beyond the Ivy League” which has encyclopedic info on many many schools though a little dated.

Schools like Goucher, Clark, College of Wooster, Beloit, Grinnell etc. etc. are in CTCL.

I don’t think ordinariness or specialness is measured by college admissions : )

59

From a parent with a couple of “average” kids - a bit of a story. Maybe it will be helpful in some way, to someone.

Look outside the box. Think outside the box. You may find the best fit some place you never imagined.

It seemed “odd” at first, being in VA with some great schools, but we chose to do that, and so happy we did.

Our college search started with looking at the “2+2” programs in VA (2 years community college, then finish up at a 4 yer school) but realized that if that option was chosen, any freshman (and through their 4 years) merit money would be forfeited, so we had to consider that in our “numbers”. Also, and while I can’t speak from experience I did hear from some others who did, that sometimes coming from the 2 year CC into the 4 year University, students who started as freshman were given first choice of the upper level classes, and at times it was difficult getting the classes needed to require to graduate with a certain degree…result being either 2 additional summers, or an additional year, at the chosen 4 year school. Again, not sure if that’s true, but we did consider that in our decision.

I love the idea and opportunities of a “2+2”, but once we marked it off our list, we truly stepped out of the box. My older daughter had numbers that made her more competitive for merit funds - though not in our region. So we looked up large state schools, and then some others, and then some others. Amazing choices! Applied at some she initially turned her nose up at, because the apps were easy and the app fee very inexpensive. We figured, 4 years of college - worth it to spend an additional couple hundred on application fees. Once the “random” acceptances and scholarships started rolling in, we really opened our eyes.

It helped, at the beginning, that we took a couple of weeks, a lot of granola bars and snacks, and drove 10+ hour days, for days, and saw a lot of this country and a lot of schools - just walking on the campus at night if just driving through a town, to get a “feel” for the personality of a school. Weird, the adventures you go on when you do things a bit “differently” for a college search. Crazy, yeah, but good. Doesn’t hurt that my daughters saw places they will now not consider moving to for employment, graduate school, etc.

Ultimately, my older daughter did apply to her “no way I’ll ever get in this school why are we spending the money on the application” and was accepted at her first choice (UNC-Chapel Hill) and chose to attend. I remember after orientation - wow, this school has the right personality for my child. She’s now a rising junior, and excelling in a double major with a minor and loving her choice. Her second choice was University of Montana (with a follow up from Gonzaga, then Miami of Ohio, then Clemson - all schools we initially would never have considered), and with her stats the numbers came out even better at many of these schools than a VA in state option. While she absolutely loves being a tar heel, now that she’s well “into it”, she recently wondered out loud how she would have been at MT - which she absolutely loved due to it’s “personality”.

She is now considering moving west upon graduation, for either a job or, if she decides, graduate school.

My experience with my older daughter primed us from the start for a more “expansive” search for my younger daughter. After her sister’s search experience, she was excited to look “everywhere”, as well. An “average” (at best, relative to many of the “stats” on here) student, she really looked at schools where she felt the “personality” would fit, as well as the variety of programs. Outside of our region there are many great schools where even her “mediocre” academic performance (just over a 3.0, no honors, etc) gave her merit funds. I also have no pride and will “own” the fact that I feel like a nice scholarship letter is well worth the $30 application fee for the confidence boost it gives a “mediocre” student.

Due to programs, logistics, climate, etc, my younger daughter chose CO State U, in Fort Collins. We just had her orientation at CSU and came away from it feeling so happy that she is going to the “right” school for her, with merit funds, to boot. It met all my expectations and many more - I am overwhelmed with how excited I am for her; shaking my head as to how “right” it feels. She is sooooo happy. Oregon state was second on her list (though no merit money to assist), and West VA third - just an amazing array of opportunities. Personally, I loved MT state, in Bozeman - neat town, appealing school (she felt it was too small of a school for her).

In the end, for both daughters, we ran the numbers each way, looked outside our zip-code self imposed box, and opted to place a much higher emphasis on “personality” match, and programs offered, than the numbers - we are lucky enough to do that, though it’s a stretch.

It’s a huge country, with so many great schools. For stats like your daughters, she’d get a good bit of funds a various state schools (Univ. of Alabama, as well). Just arm her with some realistic numbers and wider eyes - you never know what may show up as her top choice. On our home front, I don’t think we could have planned our outcome any better.

60

The “chance me” threads are crazy-making. Especially the “chance me - I’ll chance you back” ones. If you don’t know your own chances, how are you judging someone else’s?