<p>.... On what it is like to have matches/games/meets against teams that recruited them hard, but lost them to the college/university where they now play? Against teams at schools where they wanted to go and didn't make it in the end? Seems like athletes have unique experiences here, where they end up seeing kids and coaches who may have once hosted them, etc.</p>
<p>Has it come up for anyone?</p>
<p>D took 3 OVs within her conference, so she regularly sees the girls from competing schools that she met during Officials. No hard feelings at all, she’s on hugging terms with several of them. The coaches, on the other hand, act as if they don’t recognize her. Who knows, maybe they don’t.</p>
<p>D has had a similar experience as Varska’s D. Girls she has seen at meets have all been very friendly. We have a priceless piece of video after D won her event at the conference meet. The 3rd place finisher hugs D (they had met at an Official) and the coach is seen getting ready to high five his athlete while glaring at our D.</p>
<p>This is what I have been wary about.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s the kids, but I know even though everyone says it’s not personal, at some point it does just seem to get to that point, where on both sides you realize you were perhaps being strung along, either way (coach/athlete or athlete/coach). And particularly if you are in the same league as your former recruiters/recruits it can be awkward.</p>
<p>I guess one of my faults is always trying to be two steps ahead of the curve. My player isn’t even into college yet but I am feeling that weird feeling for him in advance. I basically like all the coaches he is talking to, i know he really does, too, and knowing he will choose only one feels like a variation on an episode of the Bachelor.</p>
<p>And we have already talked about how strange it might feel to see teams in the future on the field where he stayed with players and had private time with coaches, yet now they are on the other side. I know we should only be so lucky, but still.</p>
<p>C’s mom … That photo must have made you go yikes …</p>
<p>Well in golf its a very small community and there were other coaches in our conference that tried to recruit my son but there is no ill will, in fact one of the coaches told my son he probably made a good choice going where he did as he chose the college with better funding and 2 coaches. When he gets awards this coach (other school) is always very congratulatory and happy for him. Must be because its a “gentleman’s” game!!!</p>
<p>chicagomama^ that coach is no longer at the school…so all good…another reason for athletes to go with the school they love and not the coach!</p>
<p>ChiMama…good coaches take it in stride. I spoke with Kevin Sauer who is a highly respected rowing coach at UVA and these are his words about seeing former recruits, </p>
<p>“If a kid tells me they’ve really thought it out and decided what they feel is best for them, I’m okay with it, either way. And if you approach it that way, you’ll see kids at races that you recruited and they’ll come up to you and thank you for the way you treated them during the process. You might get a note from a kid that you recruited, who’s now competing against you, that sends you an e-mail congratulating you and thanking you – I mean, that’s what it’s all about.”</p>
<p>So, the great coaches get it…and those that want to hold a grudge, well, that’s their choice</p>
<p>In a meeting with one of the NESCAC coaches, we were told a story of the coach having lunch with a competing coach (they are all friends). Both cell phones went off at exactly the same time. They had both received the identical text from a recruit. In NESCAC they are all recruiting the same kids, and the kids are all fishing in the same pond. No hard feelings is what we were told.</p>
<p>ChicagoMama,</p>
<p>My two cents…These coaches are in the rejection business. They deal it out every day, and take it as well. It is their job. If they are going to make it personal they need to “grow up” (in my best Joan Rivers nasally voice) or find another profession because they (clearly) are not cut out for sales. </p>
<p>This has nothing to do with your son or the choices he will be making. Separate your feelings towards the coach from what your son knows is the best decision for his future. The good coaches understand logic, reasoning and don’t take it personal. JMO.</p>
<p>PS…Sure there are all kinds of recruiting stories that could be shared but they are no longer relevant once your son puts his jersey on. If the player can rise above it, the coach should take the high road every time.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Ok, my daughter is a fencer. She was recruited by the three top programs in her sport, one school’s coach had worked with my D,he has trained more All-Americans at his weapon and current has the most wins/scores per touch for his weapon among all active coaches, the second best coach at another school recruited us hard and still is interested and then she has her current coach–good fencer but not a good coach or maybe he is just timid. </p>
<p>Anyway, I was at Summer Nationals Fencing Championships and one of the coaches comes up and we talk, he ask me if my D is interested and why she didn’t fence at lot this year. He said he was surprised that she didn’t fence the week after her team was obliterated at an event, he figured her coach was put her in because she was a better competitor so he prepared his fencers to fence against her style fencer, so he was relieved to see her coach didn’t make any adjustments the next week—and once again his team obliterated them again. Well I relayed that story to her coach(a five time Olympic Gold Medalist/World Cup Champion etc…fencing royalty.</p>
<p>Needless to say he was stoic, but he was boiling because he knew I was be telling this story again to his peers or damn near anyone in fencing who would listen. So, now he’s revamped his position on keeping his team sharp. It’s more competitive versus just saying your #1,2 or 3 just because—I give you money, or you are on the points list or my friend recommended you…I think knowing that his peers were laughing at him hurt his little ego and pride. </p>
<p>So, stock piling talent doesn’t work when you don’t know what to do with it or are unwilling to make the adjustment to utilize it.</p>
<p>I admit the same thought has occurred to me during recruiting. It was very different with my daughter who went the “regular route” - all the rejecting was done from the college end and when she had acceptances to choose from, there was only a form to fill out.</p>
<p>I know son in particular likes two coaches very much, they are very personable and young and use texting a lot, so I think sometimes they border on seeming like friends. But I tell him the same thing, just like one team always has to lose a game, they all know they will win some and lose some. I agree though it will be strange when he goes to one school, he will definitely play against some of the other schools that recruited him.</p>
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<p>If the recruiting coach was a true friend or a decent human being, it won’t be a problem.</p>
<p>Recruiting is sales. People buy things from people they like. Generally, the coaches are looking at the relationship from a business perspective and your young high school son is looking at it from a friendship perspective. IMHO - I think this needs to be pointed out to young people, because when it doesn’t work out they feel like they did something wrong and nothing can be further from the truth. Rejection is the toughest lesson these young people go through. It shouldn’t be taken personally but too often it is. Coaches will lose recruits to other schools, and recruits will get passed over for other recruits. It happens every day in college and the real world. This is part of the maturation process a recruited athlete goes through. </p>
<p>I’m about to go through it with my youngest son starting next weekend in his first showcase in front of college coaches. We’re going to have a “sit down” before next weekend to discuss the “way of the recruiting world”. Fortunately, he has two older brothers go through recruiting, so we’re going to see how much he has absorbed in the last 5 years. </p>
<p>Privately, I’d be lying if I didn’t think that some players have something special in store for colleges that passed them over or left them without support in Admissions. I know some people like this , and I’ve seen them have career days against these teams. In the end, you still have to execute the coaches plan, but there are players that live to play a specific team every year. For some of us in the stands fortunate enough to know the real background story, I can’t help to wonder why these players can’t perform like this every game.</p>
<p>Fenwaysouth said:
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<p>This is spot-on. There are coaches that genuinely care about their recruits and enjoy interacting with them - but don’t confuse that with any sort of true friendship loyalty. Just remember, if coach A has an opportunity to advance his career by taking another position at another school, chances are he won’t let the friendship/loyalty with his athletes stand in the way of doing what’s best for him.</p>
<p>^ So true.</p>
<p>And coaches are there to advance the team (ie coach’s career) so will squeeze out every bit of life blood for it! haha</p>
<p>One of the coaches from a school on my D’s short list snubbed her after her junior year. D felt she was a strong prospect then the coaches emails seemed to stop “showing the love”. Fortunately, this school wasn’t her first choice. Last spring, my freshman D was paired with a player from this school and the coach followed them for a few holes. His player was frustrated and quite verbal with him. D felt good to be able to sink a few long putts in front of him. She also scored one of her lowest rounds.</p>
<p>I think Varska is hitting the nail on the head - so true. In fact it was Kevin Sauer who approached my D at a rowing program this summer to reintroduce himself, congratulate her on her progress, etc. My D had felt awkward as he had been recruiting her, but his program was not what she was looking for. She said how gracious & friendly he was about it all. Indeed, of the 5 OVs she took, none of which she ended up attending, she sees those coaches regularly, and they are all friendly and professional. With the fellow athletes, former OV hosts and peers, it seems as if they have comfortable relationships with mutual respect. This summer, I ended up practically sitting next to a coach who had been recruiting my D, on a 7 hour international flight to a rowing event - a funny coincidence. Happily, it was a very pleasant journey, with no tension whatsoever. We could chat freely about the event we were attending, where our athletes were competing together, not against one another. Wouldn’t have believed that was possible when going through the stress of recruiting!! It is nice to spend time with these people when there is absolutely nothing at stake, and where all of the recruiting politics are in the past. That being said, that might only be the case when you and those coaches know that everything ended up well for your child. But generally speaking, I believe the truly professional, good coaches don’t have the time, energy or interest in harboring recruiting slights.</p>