<p>H and I have differing opinions on how to help pay for college for our kids (S is currently a freshman in college). One of us feels that after the 529 has been depleted, S should take out loans to cover the tuition, room and board not covered by his scholarship and grants. The 529 will be depleted by mid sophomore year and after scholarships and grants, loans would total about $25k-30k for the remainder of his undergrad.</p>
<p>One of us feels other than books, S should carry loans. Since S has many more years of potential earning power than we do, the question is to whether we should have to sacrifice some of what we would be using for retirement savings to help S from starting out with so much debt. </p>
<p>bbkitty, for us the answer was "yes" we did disagree. My h wanted our kids to shoulder most of the financial burden probably because he "paid" for his own education. I wanted to shoulder our kids financial buden probably because my parents "paid" for my undergraduate and I felt we could financially handle the budget we had given the children. We compromised by requiring our kids to take out the Stafford loans. We have not told the kids, nor will we, but if we feel financially secure we will pay or help pay the loans after all is said and done but we will not make that commitment at this point because that is not in our current retirement finanical planning.</p>
<p>momofthreeboys - we were also in the same situation. My parents pretty much covered all of my college costs, whereas, my husband's parents just helped out a little, and he had student loans. Interesting thing was, his parents were much more financially wealthy than my parents were. Also, his parents both attended college (dad had an MBA from Wharton), and neither of mine did. Go figure.</p>
<p>We have provided all costs associated with college, except for some spending money. We made it clear early on that we would do so. We also started saving when they were young (and still paying off H's student loans), and were able to get D1 through, and D2 probably just over halfway through just with the savings we've had. For jr. and sr. years, we will probably have to dip into stock options as a supplement to what we can pay monthly out of paychecks. I feel very fortunate that we've been able to do this. </p>
<p>Where I think we'll put our foot down is any kind of post-grad school. Both H and I have post-grad degrees, but did them completely on our own... no help from parents. Of course, this is if either one decides to return to school at any point. </p>
<p>A quick logistics question - if you have three boys with whom you'd like to help pay off Stafford Loans, do you wait until all three are done with school, and divy up what you are able to offer, or risk paying off the eldest one, and hope there is money available for each subsequent child as they graduate?</p>
<p>My husband and I disagreed strongly on college finances when our kids were applying to colleges, and we still do.</p>
<p>My husband believes that young people should be on their own, financially, with no help from their parents, starting from the day when they get their bachelor's degrees. He was willing to pay for our kids' undergraduate education -- no matter how expensive the schools they chose (we have enough money for that) -- but he is not willing to pay a dime toward any education past the bachelor's degree.</p>
<p>I disagree with this view. I wanted to tell our kids that X amount of money was available to each of them for educational purposes and let them make their own decisions about how to use it. If the kid wanted to chose a less-expensive undergraduate institution in order to save the rest of the money for graduate school, I think that should have been OK. But my husband vetoed that idea (most of the money is his, so he has veto power).</p>
<p>The result of all this is that our daughter is attending an expensive private college, all expenses paid, but will have to go into debt later on to get the MBA that she eventually wants. Her second-choice college was a state university where she would have been an out-of-state student, but where her costs would still have been $10,000 a year less than they are at her current college. But she had no financial motivation to go there because she would not see any of the $40,000 savings. If we had done things my way, she would have had the option of choosing that university and having $40,000 available toward the cost of getting an MBA.</p>
<p>DH and I also disagree on college costs. While we both plan to pay for school, he feels that the state flagship is a great choice for DS because it offers an affordable, solid education and DS can have every opportunity available if he just reaches out for it. DH is vehemently opposed to incurring significant debt (nor would he or I allow our 17 year old to decide to take on huge debt) for a bachelors degree. I agree to an extent, but I would probably stretch ourselves thinner financially if the more nurturing and (dare I say the word) prestigious private institution opens its doors for DS. Now I'm just holding my breath for a few months, hoping that merit aid will be offered and everyone can be happy.</p>
<p>"Disagree" is a little strong, but I would be more generous (or would have until our stock account lost so much). He pushes schools that offer full ride for NMF. I don't think most of those would be a good fit for our daughter. He figures if she goes cheap UG, when can help with graduate school. I started at I'd like to pay for all of UG, but graduate needs so to be self-financed. He also wants to see some buy-in (DD should have some motivation to consider cost). I've come to see it more his way. Our resolution: we'll pay 100% up to $x and 50% of what is above that for UG. If UG is <$x, then the difference is available for grad school. We've worked it out, but I still would like x to be a little more, and/or maybe the 50% to be a little higher.</p>
<p>DH's education was fully-funded, and that arguably is a key reason we have what we have-- he was able to save and invest beginning while he was in college. He was able to do that without giving up anything academically (service academy). I went to a directional school, and I want DD to be more engaged and challenged, and less lazy, than I was. (DH was engaged, challenged, and definitely not lazy at his full-ride.)</p>
<p>My ex-husband was pretty shocked to realize what private colleges cost, and his initial reaction was that no way could we afford to send our D there. But I showed him all the data I could find on typical financial aid awards at various family income levels--the more specific the better. I also showed him what merit scholarships D appeared to be a strong candidate for at her chosen schools. </p>
<p>There were spreadsheets. Many spreadsheets. :D And I also had him do the EFC calculator based on his income, since he's the custodial parent for financial aid purposes. </p>
<p>So...I was able to convince him that while a private college would never be as cheap for D as our state university/college system, it wouldn't have to bankrupt us either. Her scholarship & financial aid offers will certainly play a big role in the final choice, though. </p>
<p>If the financial aid packages aren't quite what we're hoping, I've suggested that he talk to his parents about contributing something. They're over 80, an age where it might make good financial sense to disperse some of their assets as gifts.</p>
<p>He and I have never talked about financing grad school. I've told the kids that I'll do everything in my power to pay for their undergrad education, but as far as I am concerned they are responsible for anything beyond that. I'd certainly help them with budgeting, financial planning for grad school, etc., though.</p>
<p>Oh, my, yes - we had an epic disagreement about funding our oldest d's education. I fought hard for my viewpoint (which was basically that we should stretch to fund the cost of a top-tier OOS public school), because I knew that the 2 younger kids' educations were also resting on whatever we eventually decided.</p>
<p>Husband is not the happiest guy to whip out his checkbook for whatever reason. In his defense, he has worked very hard and made many sacrifices as the major breadwinner (I earn far less than he does). But his attitude back in 2001, when d1 was choosing a school, was beyond ignorant. Like many people, he thought the FAFSA figure was hallucinatory. He thought that colleges "shouldn't" be as expensive as they are - as if that mattered to anyone else! He attended the same lousy college I did and became successful anyway, so he wasn't receptive to seeing the differences between our flagship state U (far better than the school we attended) and the other schools our d had on her list.</p>
<p>After an unpleasant winter and spring, he finally agreed that d could attend her top choice. (Our EFC, btw, was in excess of the amount to attend a private school - so the OOS public represented a financial compromise). After one semester, he became the school's biggest fan and is now willingly paying almost twice as much to send our youngest there. </p>
<p>What turned him around? Several things - hearing from financial peers that they were paying far more than he was willing to pay. Kids who worked very hard and deserved to go to a top school as much as anyone does. And maybe something a neighbor who was in the same position said - "well, you can tell her she has to go where she doesn't want to go because of the money, and she'll always think you could have done better by her. Or you can send her where she does want to go and be the world's greatest dad for the rest of your life."</p>
<p>I would choose different words than agree or disagree ... on issues as important as this and with as many options as this I think it is pretty unlikely that a couple will TOTALLY agree on all aspects of financing their children's education. In my relationship I look at how closely we align ... are we arguing around the edges or do we have major disagreements about our approach?</p>
<p>Fortunately, at the macro level we're pretty much in agreement about our approach to paying for college ... although I have to admit when it comes to tactical decisions (when to pull the 529 money) we start in different places on almost every decision.</p>
<p>Overall, I think college finances is one of the more stressful decision processes a relationship faces ... it's very important and people are likely to have very strong feelings about their opinions/preferences. Good luck working through the issue.</p>
<p>Yes, we disagreed at first - at the macro level, to use 3togo's phrase. My H thought the kids should pay for their own college, while I thought we should pay (for undergrad, anyway). It was just like others of you have described: nobody paid for H's schooling, so that was his viewpoint. My mom did pay for my college, most of it anyway, so that's where I come from. We went 'round and 'round about it for the longest time. H wanted the kids to contribute something, maybe a percentage. But I thought that was too complicated and didn't reward them for getting a merit scholarship. We finally decided on a certain dollar amount per year. Anything over and above that, they'll have to take out a loan, get a scholarship, or pay for out of summer earnings. (I think S will just squeak by this year without having to pay anything himself, thanks to his scholarship!)</p>
<p>We agreed from the start (when they were born) that we would do our best to save enough to pay for the two of them to get through any of our instate public u's. We have a good state system (from which DH and I both graduated) so felt they would be sufficient for our kids.<br>
If they wanted to go elsewhere, it would be up to them to aquire scholarships to pay the difference. Also included in the plan was if they got scholarships to state u., the difference left in their college accts. would be theirs upon graduation to use for grad. school or to get started in their adult life. </p>
<p>Both kids are at in-state u's. One on a full-ride and will have cash in the bank upon grad. The other is paying full freight from the college fund so will not have cash upon grad. but will not have debt either.</p>