I have enough stress in, “regular” years about holidays because they have been tricky ever since we moved out of state and dh’s dad died - both in the same year. Sil’s stated expectation (at the lawyer’s office a week after her dad died) has been that we will, “take” mil for TG because she does that holiday with her husband’s family. She hosts Christmas. Mil came down here for TG in 2018 and 2019. Of course, not in 2020. Flying/travel around TG is hard enough as it is, but air travel continues to not be back to normal in my mind.
Dh is vacillating on whether or not we will go to mil’s for Christmas. Since moving out of state we only went in 2018. We didn’t go in 2019 because he was having horrible back issues. Didn’t go in 2020 because of Covid. I know she wants us up there for Christmas, but we would drive. He knows he should go, but I don’t think he really wants to.
Thrown in the mix is what ds will do. I think if he goes to see his grandmother at Christmas, dh will also want to go, but he hasn’t made any plans yet either. I feel like it’s all so interdependent, but no one is making a decision/forcing a plan. Now that September is here, I feel like some planning needs to occur because of scheduling flights. We are East Coast, ds is West Coast, and mil is in flyover country.
I have no idea how people with multiple children/large families figure it all out. My parents were deceased before I married, so dh’s family has never even had to share. I am not all that sentimental and feel like the expected, “Normal Rockwell” moments desired by mil for the holidays is forced and contrived. She came down here in May. We went to visit her in July.
Does it annoy anyone else that TG and Christmas are so close together? Lol.
Anyone else want to vent/rant about holiday expectations?
We’re going to be alone for Thanksgiving this year. Airfare is crazy expensive and D has to work the day before and after. We’ll see her two weeks later anyway.
Our bigger issue is Christmas. We committed to traveling to family this year before Delta blew up. We have our airline tickets, hotel reservations, dog sitter, and plans have been made for the entire week but all the family members that need to fly are feeling twitchy. At this point we are planning on going but if the covid situation gets a lot worse, we’ll make a last minute cancellation. Not ideal but it is what it is.
Wish there was more clarity about vaccine protection with Delta and boosters!
DH is the youngest of 6. My Thanksgiving and Christmas schedule was determined before I even married him. MIL had established a holiday schedule, which she started when her first child got married, where her entire family got together for Christmas or Thanksgiving on alternating years. She was fortunate my family was willing to fit into her schedule. My husband’s family still sticks to it even though both parents have passed.
2020 was the only year it didn’t happen. Not sure it will this year either due to Covid/Delta.
I was looking forward to the first Thanksgiving in many years when my children would both be here. Now I’m concerned that it may not be safe for my baby grandson to fly here.
Since we would drive if we were to go at Christmas, it doesn’t make much difference when we go. It sucks up dh’s vacation time for any day that isn’t a holiday.
What does make a difference is that dh went back to work in 2020 after he has retired in 2018. Also, until we relocated we were only about a 3-3.5 hour drive away from his parents/family. So, new to dh is the necessity of using vacation time for holiday/family time. I don’t think he’s fond of that. We historically could go down for a long weekend around or on the holiday, and it would only cost dh a day of vacation. Dh does not want to fly over the holidays, and it’s a 2-day drive each way. Now with ds launched and working, he has to consider vacation usage as well. Different than when he had a three week winter break.
So one silver lining to the past 18 months is that all of the “bubble-forming” (and/or resultant exclusions from them) really clarified some things for us, as far as spending time with certain family members when we used to do it mainly out of a feeling of obligation.
We used to spend a lot of energy worrying about splitting time evenly between my H’s family and my parents, even though we were just one of many in H’s family, but all my parents had (so, they would be alone on the holidays we spent with my in-laws). Without going into the details…we no longer feel any obligation to inconvenience ourselves to spend time with H’s dad and step-mom, and certainly not at the expense of my parents.
Every single year. I feel a lot of angst/obligation towards making everyone happy and that is probably my problem.
My daughter in law’s father is very sick and they have been told that this will probably be his last year. So I already told her that her family gets all the holidays this year.
We are flying to my daughter’s for thanksgiving. Her boyfriend is on call/working so I’ve already booked tickets to them.
The family has decided to meet the weekend before Christmas at my son’s house. My dil will be very pregnant so going there will be better as far as traveling/taking vacation time for them. I’ve asked my mom to fly to my sisters and they can drive to sons. And my husband and I will drive the in laws.
My mil is not listening to me when I told her these plans. But that’s what they are and they’ve already been planned.
I have to say that I feel robbed about the holidays last year. Our family was very Covid careful and we did not get together last year because that is what the experts were asking of us. Talking to my friends and neighbors, none of them stayed away from their families. I know I did the right thing, but it’s hard you know. Feeling like we were a bit of an island.
Immediate family are all within a couple of hours of each other so I expect we’ll wait and see where the world is a few weeks before and then make plans. My H still has to tell his sister that her anti-vax adult kids will not be welcome in our home.
I doubt we will have the larger family party this year (35-40 people many from out of town) but we’ll see. A number of them came in for my D’s recent wedding celebration and may not want to make another trip.
We are looking forward to hosting Thanksgiving (we love it) again. Moving next year so this is the final “big” Thanksgiving at our house. At this point several guests are planning to attend (all fully vaccinated).
Start your own traditions. I have seen to many friends and family spend the entire holiday on the road trying to divide time between extended family. Thankfully, I have never had to do that and I will not expect my children to do that.
I don’t think it’s that simple. If I could have what I wanted, I’d stay home for all of it and ds would come see us for one of those two holidays. My mil is fine, but I have seen her three times this year already. But, she is 82 years old, and I also don’t want to force ds to choose between seeing his grandmother and seeing his parents.
No parents, no in laws, no grandchildren - just our son. He is hesitant to make any plans yet for either Thanksgiving or his birthday (late December) and air fares are pretty high right now anyway for those times. So we’ve tentatively agreed that if he is comfortable traveling, he will fly down for Chanukah. It’s early this year; the week after Thanksgiving. It’s a low key holiday in our family so no stress or angst involved.
This will not sound nice and I don’t mean to sound like a harsh person (and it is my mom’s 88th bday today and we are so lucky to have her!)…
But I have lived through that conversation of "so and so is getting old…this may be their last Christmas (I had an uncle we accommodated for this thought and he went on to live MANY Dec. 25ths! - also understood that for some people due to illness time is more finite <3) …I hate for so and so to be alone…and so on.
Anyone over 60 is FORTUNATE to have parents/in laws alive to visit! Absolutely! But you know, we are not young either! No one is guaranteed a certain amount of years. To think sometimes that for 40 years of adult/married life we have struggled with these holiday decisions - when is it enough?! Can we not tie time together to scheduled dates like the 4th Thursday in November?
Whew, feels good to say that out loud.
(I hope that I have made it clear that I appreciate and are fortunate to have any parents alive to visit - please no comments or offense to anyone who wishes for this to be true to them - I empathize!)
so going there will be better as far as traveling/taking vacation time for them. I’ve asked my mom to fly to my sisters and they can drive to sons. And my husband and I will drive the in laws.
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