<p>In my college essay, I briefly mentioned my family life to set up context for the rest of my story, but my aunt said that it sounded as if my parents did a bad job of raising me and that it sounded as if I didn't love my parents. She also said that it's really risky because colleges want "well brought up" students rather than students from unstable backgrounds. She told me to talk more about my mom's sacrifices, but I'm going to be over the word limit and it's kind of too late to change my essay (the deadline is tomorrow). Also, I feel that this essay is about me and if I emphasize more about my mom, it'll ruin the flow of my essay. I'm very ambivalent because my aunts are sort of guilt-tripping me right now ._.</p>
<p>P.S. Both of my aunts are doctors and one of them (the one telling me about college admissions) was on an admissions team at a graduate school and apparently that's where she learned about the unstable background thing ._. </p>
<p>@Loricg Because in my situation, my dad isn’t home a lot b/c of work, so my mom has to take care of both me and my sibling, who suffers from a neurological disorder. My mom feels frustrated often, so sometimes, she leaves home for a bit and when she comes back, she doesn’t tell us where she was. Does that look bad to colleges? That’s the issue my aunt has with my essay ._.</p>
<p>We look for evidence you are mature, have solid perspective, can take on challenges and master them- or at least grow from them- and more. Sometimes, too much emphasis on the woes themselves, lines spent on detailing them, takes away from your own accomplishments (school, community and life.) Or the message of your strengths. </p>
<p>Your essays, all that your put in the app, is a reflection of your thinking. You can acknowledge an issue, but the issue itself is not what adcoms need to see. They need to learn about how you move forward and come out better for it.</p>
<p>Lots of kids have family challenges of one sort or another. We don’t screen them out for admitting things aren’t perfect. We do look for whether the situation overwhelms you, is all you can write about- or if you can find how the glass is half full, not half empty.</p>
<p>Don’t know if this is for the University of California, but, if it is, leave the essay the way it is. Hardship is something they look for.</p>
<p>If it’s any other school, I’d say two things:</p>
<p>(1) Don’t change your essay to please your aunt - it’s your essay, not hers, and this is college, not graduate school.</p>
<p>(2) Just make sure your description of the difficulties at home is as brief as necessary in order to “set the stage” for your own story. The essay is about you, after all, and not your mom and dad. So, tell your reader (briefly) what obstacles you faced, and then focus on how you overcame those obstacles. (Just as lookingforward said in the post just above mine.)</p>
<p>That your home life is unstable is not a negative reflection on you. It is a reflection on the adults who are supposed to be responsible for you. Your aunt is probably miffed because you made her sister look like a nut-case, and she doesn’t like seeing her sister portrayed that way even if it is the truth. </p>
<p>You are not going to be rejected because you look like you weren’t “well brought up”. If students were rejected for that reason, there would be many fewer students in college in this country, so don’t worry about that. If you are rejected, it will be because of at least one of umpteen other reasons (grades, test scores, too many applicants like you, etc.).</p>
<p>Check around with your friends, and see if some one else’s friend/relative/etc. can take a look at this essay for you. You need the opinion of someone who isn’t close to your parents.</p>
<p>If anything the college will be proud of your struggles. They want to pick people who they think will succeed, and if you have already made it through that, they will be interested to see what you can do.</p>
<p>Don’t change your essay for other people. Good luck amigo/amiga</p>
<p>I think adcoms want students who could be successful at their school. I think if applicants could keep that in mind they would know what to write and not to write.</p>
<p>The UC’s are home to students from all backgrounds and there are a very high percentage of Pell Grant recipients, meaning low income students, many who are surely not ‘brought up right’. Brought up right isn’t a consideration at all. You don’t want to look like an unstable person, but your mother disappearing is something you had to cope with and isn’t a negative reflection of you.</p>
<p>Although we don’t know your essay I’m afraid your aunt sounds off base. One thing to avoid is parent ‘bashing’. But reporting the circumstances that you have to live under and thrive in isn’t a problem. It is exactly why the UC prompt is there. You said off the top that the information is a brief set up and it sounds like you are not making the mistake that others in this thread are concerned about.</p>