As Rejections keep rolling in What do you tell your Honor student?

Applying to College Admission Stories
101

I am going through this right now with #1 Son. have jumped on his account to comment. Love reading all the helpful comments.
He’s National Merit Finalist, FULL IB scholar, Fluent in English and Chinese, (we are not Asian) plus heritage language and another language semifluent (4 in all). he applied to many top schools and many state schools also. We had to hedge due to finances.

what overwhelmingly happened to him (and his friends) is one student who has ruined it for everyone. Hate to sound annoyed, but I am.

This one student applied to AT LEAST 30 schools–ivies, 2nd tiers, etc. of course she can only go to one, but she applied Early (nonbinding) decision to all that allowed and binding to one and so thus, in the graduating class of 392 that they have at the HS, everywhere she got in EARLY basically kicked everyone else out of the process because really, how many kids is a university going to take from a HS with only 392 graduating seniors?
Admissions officers may not have quotas, but they sure are not going to accept 5 students to the UChicago or Georgetown’s Walsh School from the same High School and **** off 4 other High Schools with equally qualified seniors.

It’s just RUDE to over apply like that, I think.

She has made an enemy of everyone, and the kids at the school hope that she flunks out freshman year. Her grades are not significantly better than anyone else’s, she’s National Merit (like 3 other kids at the HS) and unless she paid a professional writer compose her essays OR she lied about her ec’s we are baffled as to how she got accepted to so many schools. (current count = 27!)
Her family is also loaded so it’s not like she had to hedge her bets because of uncertainty with financial aid.

I am completely without any comprehension why someone would apply to so many schools (for themselves, first off…when did she have the time?). Could she really “like” so many schools? See herself such a good fit at so many schools? That’s absurd!
Did she not give any care to her classmates at all (apparently not)?<br>
Anyone able to comment on this?
I’m appalled that the counselors sent her transcripts to so many schools and didn’t guide her to cull her list. Regardless of where she gets accepted (which makes them look good), they know (better than anyone) how it negatively affects all the other seniors.
Someone, please advise. I just learned about the extent of this last week and have been stewing since then.
AUGH!

102

It’s only a “no-name college” among folks who breathlessly worry about USN&WR rankings. Grad schools know it very well, and the PhD productivity of its alumni have proven that for years.

Also worth noting is that Jobs withdrew after six months for financial reasons, not because he was dissatisfied with his education. He actually audited several classes at Reed after dropping out, including a calligraphy course, about which he said during a Stanford commencement address: “If I had never dropped in on that single calligraphy course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts.”

Hell, he even named one of his kids “Reed”!

What I’m trying to convey to my kid is that a “dream school” is a place that is an ideal fit–academically, socially and financially. For us, the Ivies hold little cachet (and I’m an Ivy grad myself), except for their excellent financial aid awards. There are schools that hold tremendous appeal. (The admissions director at one we visited this week said 85% of their applicants would thrive at the school; alas, there aren’t near enough seats for all of them!) My goal now is to help my S find other schools that replicate that feel.

I think it’s really important to remind our kids that it’s okay to want to attend one of the hot schools if there’s something there that really makes it a good match beyond “prestige,” but that you have to approach applying there almost as if you’re playing the lottery, and have some more realistic schools that you love in the mix.

For those, like OP, who are comforting a disappointed child, it sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Disappointment is a necessary–and valuable–part of life, as painful as it might be. It’s what you do with that disappointment that matters. I would encourage your child to move on and never look back, rather than focus on the rejection. And when the hurt bears its ugly head, it’s always worthwhile reminding oneself that “living well is the best revenge.” :slight_smile:

103

Boy do I hear you. Watching my child get rejected this week is horrible and a pain that I would gladly spare her from if I could. I can’t but it doesn’t make the pain any less. My advice as the rejections keep coming is to have a good wallow, then decide “they” don’t define her and plot another path.

104

CollegeBoundCA: I would wager that the young lady is exaggerating.

That said, it ruins it for everyone when people apply to ten or fifteen schools, and it wastes a tremendous amount of time.

105

CollegeBoundCA, that girl is outrageous…she crossed the line…

106

[quote]

Excellent first post, passinthru! I could not agree more.

[quote]

Only if you “play the game” and decide that you or your child will apply to colleges with extremely low admission rates (where their chances may or may not be defined as a “crapshoot” :)). My son had ZERO rejections out of 10 or 11 very good colleges. He also received significant merit aid from many of them. I don’t honestly feel sorry for people who may be smart on paper but do not do their homework or have a good safety in the bag…especially in this day and age with all the information that is readily available online.

107

I feel for your daughter. My niece “ended up” at her “safety” and then ended up telling us all she had really liked the school, she just always felt pressured to go elsewhere! It worked out and she has been accepted to a top tier Grad program.

Not to hijack a thread, if I am, but there is so much grade inflation at some schools and “different rules” that it really is hard to explain differences in acceptances. Take my nieces high school. Niece had a top gpa and SAT score, and the girl that got accepted to nieces choice had a lower gpa and SAT score. But wow! The other girl was a 4 year varsity player on two sports and President of a few clubs. But what this doesn’t tell you is that the other girl chose two sports that only have varsity teams and are not competitive at all. Almost everyone gets a chance at being a “Captain” for part of the season so this is listed. There are no try outs. Niece played on three competitive teams, never made Captain but scored a game tying goal in the State Championship which her team eventually won. She was in some of the same clubs as the other girl, but the Principal was dating the girls mother so she was always appointed “President”. They each had community service hours in the hundreds. So while there are many kids that work their butts off to be where they are, some get unfairly treated, in my opinion. But I think my niece ended up learning more and has better skills for the real world. It just stinks that these situations happen some time. I’m sure your daughter will be great wherever she goes!

108

^^ What I meant to say in my last reply is sometimes the best students aren’t always the accepted ones, as shown just within my nieces high school. Colleges have to TRY to sort through all of this with limited time and thousands of applications.

109

You have to be realistic! That does not mean you should not reach…if you don’t have at least one rejection, I think you didn’t reach high enough. But you reach knowing the percentages are small and then have great safeties in place to make sure there will be choices to make! You should also have a conversation about realistic expectations before you start the application process:)

110

Sally, my fear is that it gets harder and harder to avoid the game. Those of us who don’t worship the Ivies are being told that schools once off the radar are now sought after, that the acceptance rates at LACs which were once in the 50% range now range in the teens and low 20’s. I’m not saying it’s not possible to find alternatives, just that there’s a lot of anxiety, a constantly moving landscape and it’s not only the prestige hounds who are affected by the admissions process. And the high school years are polluted by the free floating anxiety that pervades school life.

111

So she applied ED to one and EA to 29 other schools? Perhaps I am not understanding this correctly but did she get accepted to her ED school. If so, then she would have to cancel all other apps. Also, I thought that if you do ED you can only EA schools that are public. Perhaps I am wrong.

112

Sally, my d hasn’t been rejected (yet–we’re expecting the Stanford rejection tomorrow, and she did get waitlisted at Pomona), but even the wait for the acceptances (which came with large, unsolicited merit scholarships) was pretty rough. I think for my daughter, the waiting itself was pretty fraught. The excitement of choosing and applying to schools had passed, and the fun of choosing the school she will actually attend hadn’t quite begun. Now that we’re in this final phase, I think things will calm down.

Even if a kid applies to match schools, the silence between the application process and the response from the school is so long that it’s easy to start doubting. That’s why I say the process is painful. But like a lot of painful things, it’s beneficial, too.

113

I looked up the definition of “crapshoot” in case I was misunderstanding something. The definitions I found were (1) “a risky or uncertain venture.” One of the examples provided was “getting admitted to the college of your choice has become a crapshoot.” (freedictionary.com) (2) “something (as a business venture) that has an unpredictable outcome.” (Merriam Webster)

You said: “If all are equally likely, and it is random which of the 30,000 get in, then that is a crap shoot. But, it is not random which of the 30,000 are selected. Ergo, not a crap shoot.”

It’s not random? Sure it is. At least it is for the thousands of unhooked applicants, it is. There are general guidelines and yes, it’s necessary to pass a basic score/grades threshold to get past the first cut. Beyond that, there are lots of random factors that come into play.

I didn’t understand the rest of your post.

114

Hopefully shes not done hearing. Just wanted you to know though you dont’ want to hear it it IS arbitrary, but ironically these situations really do seem to work out.

My D also applied to 15 schools. Top student, top everything. First 5 were 2 waitlists and 3 rejections. She DIDN’T get out of bed for a full day. I was heartbroken for her especially when she some others with lesser credentials getting in to schools she thought were sure things. I supported her the best I could. Acknowledged her feelings but did my best to encourage her to keep on going.

Surely enough, she got into a few and then lo and behold the top school she applied to (an ivy) accepted her, one of the two schools she knew she stood a dim chance of getting into. So my point is there will be a happy ending for your daughter, I am sure of it but I certainly feel your pain in a big way. Been there, only thing I can say as a piece of advice is to hang tight, some school is going to get very lucky to get a wonderful kid who has worked hard to get there. Best of luck!

115

3girls3cats, you are dealing with girls, who can be more anxious than boys about some of this stuff. But there are PLENTY of schools that will GUARANTEE acceptance based on certain stats. (They are just not the “choice” schools many kids on this thread have their hearts set on.) This is why experienced parents here constantly admonish the newbies to Love Thy Safety. And that means spending at least as much time finding those schools as it does obsessing the “reach” schools at the top. Few people do that, because they believe their kids will get in to at least ONE of the desirable places on their list–even if the odds are against them.

Also, what is going on with this site today?! Is it crashing because it’s “Ivy day”? I tried to edit my messed-up post before and it wouldn’t let me.

116

No. She didn’t ruin it for anyone. Time to get off that pity party and stop bashing a student who isn’t here to defend herself. My child goes to a school with a small graduating class and colleges are having no problem taking multiples even after the EA decisions are announced. You can’t use grief over your own child’s results to assume a single child ruined it for them. I’ve been working with MIT applicants for decades and I can tell you colleges don’t have quotas for how many “good” kids they can take.

First - On the 30 colleges issue - how on Earth would you know without looking at their Naviance account? Consider how many supplements (and essays) that student had to write if that is true. It is possible she “considered” 30 but only completed a fraction? Or those 30 included many that are not top-tier and had essay requirements that allow re-use of one written for another college? Certainly if they didn’t, she couldn’t have applied to 30. My D applied to 9 and it killed off all her free time writing essay responses to the customized requirements.

And certainly applying to only a “few” schools wouldn’t have helped the original poster’s child. Less is not necessarily “more” in college admissions.

Second, it has been a “bloodbath” for lack of a better word for a lot of qualified students this year and last. So many of us recommend applying broadly to a number of schools. And yet, that may not be enough any more. Certainly that becomes clear when you look as the original post. The student and parent are grieving - vitriole about an anonymous student who got her act together isn’t in the spirit of the thread.

30 schools is a bit much - but not outrageous given how competitive college admissions has become even for top performing students. Because their competition is also top performing. Could be that your student did EVERYTHING right, but unfortunately, lots of students applied with identical resumes. Speak multiple foreign languages? I can name quite a few students like that. Speak a heritage language? Check. and so on and so forth. Special to a parent isn’t necessarily special to an Adcom faced with tens of thousands in a pile.

And I will also say that sometimes the applicant’s file contains a hobby, an activity, a secret passion - that the high school and other peers don’t know about. I know a private school that saw a student get into MIT for the first time in years and started sending me applicants with identical stats - thinking that was the key. Only I knew he had something else special going on - which I confirmed - and which was not on the school’s radar. THAT is what jumped him to the top of the pile. Perhaps that girl did too.

So quit the sour grapes and bashing of that girl. She may have gone on an application overload - but her decision certainly did not limit anyone else’s chances. Be what the school wants that particular year, be interesting in a way that isn’t ubiquitous and cliche - and you’ll at least make the finalist list.

If the results aren’t what you’d hoped - it’s about volume of applicants and a bit of luck that your stats and personality will appeal to enough Adcoms to get a majority of their votes. It is certainly not a reflection of the value or quality of the student who was turned down. It is certainly not about stats as a guarantee. A rejection is also not personal.

P.S. - that last statement in bold in the quote above sounds like it came from a student, not a mature adult with perspective. Wishing harm on another for getting an opportunity you covet may point to why the school rejected the student with that attitude. You’d be amazed what nuances I can pick up in a college interview. And for those students it is easy to write “NO” on their application.

117

^Excellent post.

118

I haven’t read through all of these notes, so pardon any repetition. I think our son is a candidate for any school he wishes to attend. Not his decision in the end, rather, what schools offer that seat.<br>
I think the hardest thing is to see the disappointment and to quote him, “Why didn’t they like me?” Ugh. We can say there are thousands like you for just a hundred or so seats.<br>
I feel we needed to give him time to digest the negative decisions and waitlists. Sometimes I think our words fall into the old, geeky category. It doesn’t mean we don’t have supportive comments.
Maybe for some, this is the first time they were not ‘chosen’ for the top something or other. It’s okay. It’s life. Doesn’t mean they are deficient.
I really like the note about focusing on the attributes of their child and celebrating their accomplishments.
Being our second time around, I truly believe the majority of kids have a good fit into a college. The process doesn’t make sense, but it does seem to pan out in the end. I can see it as an adult but doubt the 18 year old does until they get there.
I echo the sentiment about undergrad work…let them prove themselves and they can waltz into a terrific grad school. It’s all good…it all works out.

119

What to say? Not getting into preferred schools is a loss like anything else in life. I think having good safeties is key as even a “perfect” student can get disappointed with the “top” school admissions process.

It really is more important how well you perform at the school you get into.

120

Just tell your student the truth the admissions people can’t see their struggles their value towards education.
We can all graduate high school we can all get straight A’s or not get straight A’s. Its cheesey and cliche but its really about the things you overcome that shows how successful a person you are. Admissions people can’t see it.

Sorry its all choppy and iffy im have to run and just had to reply.

Some things are subjective others are objective.