Hello everyone, I am really stuck here and was wondering if someone could give me some advice on what to do. This may be a long read, so I apologize in advance. I am eighteen years old and graduated high school in North Carolina last spring with a 30 on the ACT, and a 3.8 GPA. The guidance counselors at my school treated me terribly for no reason, and didn’t really help me at all during the applying process or help me find schools, I had to do it all on my own. This hindered me severely in getting scholarships or looking for other options. I wanted to go to school out of state, and they were not supportive and kept telling me I shouldn’t do it. They told me I set my sights too high (even though I had the second highest ACT score in my entire school…) and that I should settle for community college somewhere in NC. I applied to eight different schools, and was only accepted at 3 of them, and waitlisted at another. Now, two of my financial aid packages were terrible, and the only affordable one I recieved was at a school instate that I did not like- and only applied to because my counselors said it was the only place I would be accepted at.
Of course, my councelors said “we told you so” and that I was going to love my school rather than some stuffy out of state institution. I went in with a positive outlook and tried to make the most of it, but it was a horrible experience. I have high functioning autism/aspergers, coupled with a severe anxiety disorder, and this did not mix well with a school where I knew nothing and no one. All the other schools I applied to were near the city where my best and only friend lived, or town where my boyfriend lived. (I grew up in a very rural area where the nearest university was well over an hour away, so staying at home with my grandparents wasn’t an option)
Still, I gave this school a chance, but holy hell, was I miserable. The school told me I was required to live in a dorm with a roommate, and I hated every moment of it, I begged and pleaded to stay off campus and they refused. I stayed off campus anyway after a few weeks and didn’t tell them. I went to clubs and activies but couldn’t make any friends because my school was incredibly small and tended to be ‘cliquey’ and I couldn’t relate to or really connect with anyone because my school didnt have any clubs for my hobbies and I was trying new things. I wasn’t allowed to join my major’s club because I was a freshman, and I applied to multiple jobs- just so I could have an escape from how sad and depressed I was becoming there- to no avail.
One of my professors admitted that he had no idea what he was doing, and would sit in our class and Google things if someone asked a question because he never had any answers. I struggled immensely in two of my classes, despite studying and working on homework everyday for hours. Most people in my math and computers course were failing or doing poorly, and I tried to talk to my classmates and coordinate study groups, because I really wanted to succeed. No one seemed to care. Most people just thought I was weird, and some people even laughed at me behind my back. I started failing my Calculus class and had numerous meetings with my professor, two different tutors, numerous hours spent on Khan Academy, and still failed most of my tests. I was stressed and on the verge of tears almost everyday. I went to my schools counseling center and they didnt give me any resources or help- besides the doctor putting me on a cocktail of prescriptions that put me at a high risk for seizures. I had no friends and no support. I was constantly depressed because I had no one, and felt like an outsider.
I managed to finish my one semester there this fall with a 3.4 GPA, barely hanging on by the skin of my teeth. I took a lot of AP classes in high school, so I left my college in December with 31 credit hours under my belt. Immediately I came back to South Carolina to live with my boyfriend, with the intention of transferring to Clemson and having a much better support system in place this time. I was accepted several months ago to transfer in this spring, but did not recieve my cost of attendance and bill till the day before classes started. I would have to pay 18,000$ out of pocket for one semester, and it just wasn’t manageable. Financial Aid said I would not recieve any scholarships because I am out of state- all the random online scholarships I’ve applied for have been a bust too. With no other choice, I dropped all my classes.
I had a seasonal job during Christmas, and am renting to own a house with my boyfriend and a close friend of his currently. We are allowed to leave the house and not have to pay back the rest of the loan if things don’t work out and we need to move, bevause the house is owned by his relative. Once I get another job, I had planned to register my car in this state, get a new Drivers licence, and register to vote in South Carolina. However, I could still be denied residency even if I do everything right. Even though I do plan to live here permanently besides going to school. Also, my name isn’t on the loan for our house so I’m afraid it will hurt me.
I am extremely worried that I won’t be able to pay for school if I decide to go back to clemson next year. Right now I’m in a sort of limbo because I dropped out of college. FAFSA is ridiculous and counts me as a dependent of my mother even though we have no relationship and she has never paid a dime towards my college education. I live off of my own income, and inheritance from my father that I am trying to save to the best of my ability. Next year I will have to report the 30,000$ of inheritance that I recieved on FAFSA in addition to my mother’s income, basically revoking pretty much any aid I’ll get. I’ve already been selected for verification this year and because I never see my mother, it was a huge hassle just getting my FAFSA filled out. Now, she’s not even done any of the required steps for verification despite having weeks to do it!!!
I feel like I may have no other options but to continue my year off from school, and then try again at another school in North Carolina that I didn’t apply to like NC State or Wake Forest. I don’t think I can handle living in an unfamiliar place all by myself though, and I don’t want to invest in another school far away and then have the same thing happen again because I’m on my own.
I really don’t know what to do, community college here isn’t really an option for me because most of their classes in my major aren’t going to transfer to other schools in the area, they dont have the other program I wanted to pursue, and they don’t even have a lot of the gen ed classes I would need for Clemson. I’m so frustrated because of all this, I wish I wasn’t autistic and a huge child and could just move and live in dorms like everyone else does.
What do I do?