That is definitely a family decision. My kid would be picking up there own incidental costs if we were paying for college, but since we have no tuition, room and board, or fees to pay, we would feel a little guilty about not paying anything at all besides an occasional plane ticket home. @thumper1 is right as usual. There are some things that the CC family can not help with:(
Students also vary. Many will spend everything they have, like lots of people in the US (e.g. people with $250,000+ incomes who somehow have no savings for their own retirement or any way to contribute anything for their kids’ college). Some will be frugal and spend very little even if/when they have significant amounts of money.
As you can see, there is no avg. We have given our kids maybe $100 a semester.
We asked both of our kids to take summer jobs to build up funds for incidentals and entertainment during the academic year. This worked well for the older one because he was able to work as a leader/instructor in a debate camp organized by his former high school debate coach. I was also able to get him a summer job at a local university in his home town working as survey interviewer. He netted a couple of thousand each summer. We promised to pay for all key academic equipment (computers) and books. He went to college in Chicago and attending professional sporting events was one way he relaxed.
Our younger one couldn’t easily find a decent paying summer job and she really needed some down time. So after the first summer we let her take it easy. Since she was attending an art school, the major “incidental” spending that she did at school was for art supplies and equipment. That really added up but we trusted her to be careful in what she purchased. Beyond this were some costs of transportation when she went to visit friends in nearby cities.
In sum, “incidentals” added up to a fair sum but the kids did provide some support for this and avoided being too spendy, without actually having a tight budget.
Freshman year with the most comprehensive meal plan, $100.00/month.
Sophomore year, in a campus apartment with a kitchen and a commuter meal plan, $200/month. Mostly any cooking for herself. Junior and senior year in campus apartment, sharing expenses and regular cooking with roommate, $200/month.
All years, $100/month for private music lessons. Occasionally travel bonuses ($50 or $100 depending). We also send a lot of grocery care packages of Asian ingredients that our daughter grew up with and loves to cook with, even with shipping cost much less from here.
I have a feeling that even with this budget she manages to save some of the money we send.
One lesson I learned this year (my first year as a college parent) is a lot depends on the availability of the dining halls when it comes to a full meal plan.
My daughter has a full meal plan. Only one dining hall is open on the weekends, and if there is a football or basketball game it closes early. During the week, the other dining halls have hours that don’t always mesh with her classes. So you can have a full meal plan and say “eat the meals I’ve paid for” but if the dining halls are not open that won’t work. It’s not a question of her not liking the food - it’s that she can’t always make the meal times through no fault of her own. Most of the money I provide her (she doesn’t have a job during the school year) goes to food.
So, before you make any hard and fast rules, see how that first month goes. You can establish a budget and talk about things, but sometimes reality is quite different.
I see parents here say their kids spend less than $100/month. Do your kids date? Go to “dress up” dance? Go to birthday party/dinners? Get pizza/munchies late at night? Go to movies? Contribute to pre-game alcohol?
I was a scholarship student. My parents gave me very little money, but it didn’t mean I didn’t need it. I ended up working 20+ hours a week just to have some spending money and subsidized food money my parents gave me. There were times when I had only a quarter in my name until my next paycheck.
I think it is more about food, it is important for the student to have some money so they could go out with their friends every once in while.
Years later my father said to me that he could have given me a bit more each month and he wish he did. He said he didn’t realize it was so hard for me (as an Asian father, he thought I would just be studying and there was really no need to socialize).
@oldfort Our kids have had no problems socializing. They do things that don’t cost a lot of money. They go hiking, play disc golf, have game nights, have cooking nights where they get together with their friends and either cook meals or simply bake cookies, etc. Fwiw, no, they don’t go to movies very often. They didn’t when living at home, either. Campuses also offer all sorts of free entertainment venues. And, yes, they go to “dress up” dances, but no, they don’t go out and spend $$ on new outfits for them.
Our kids have never lacked for anything. They have always had whatever they have needed. But, they also live in a much different world than most posters on CC. Our kids would never ask us for or even accept $100/mo in spending $$. To be clear, I am not talking about grocery money, rent, or utility bills. I’m talking about pure $$ for nothing other than fun, not need.
I am not advocating parents in giving spending money to their student, but rather wondering parent’s assessment of their student spending less than $100 (on average) per month.
My kids didn’t buy a new outfit for every dance, but they had to buy a ticket or contribute toward dinner before the dance. They also went to a lot of on campus events, but many of those events required a purchased ticket, even if it’s less than $5.
Both of my college kids have jobs at school. When we offer them money they refuse. We are not of limited means. . Both on limited meal plans being a sophomore and junior. Both worked in the summer. Both have credit cards. Once in a while they use them or buy something on Amazon. They are attached to our accounts and neither of them are excessive. My son might have a decent amount left over after 4 years and will see what loans he can apply it to. I think my daughter is saving money towards a car which we will help with. She was in Southeast Asia for study abroad and used her own money to take off spring and back pack for two months.
When they were home for Thanksgiving we offered them money and they both said “for what?”… What’s wrong with them? ;
Here is a funny story…My sister in law noticed there were quite a few orders on her Amazon account. She asked her son why he was ordering so many things. He said they were for his friends because they didn’t have an Amazon account and then he added, “It is ok mom. They gave me money for those orders.” SIL said, “But I am not seeing any of it.” I guess that’s a good way of getting some spending money.
Urban setting versus rural setting probably makes a difference. When most of the socializing is at free events on campus, kids will spend less money than if they are going to socialize at establishments that charge admission.
Also- I am amazed by the comments by some posters assuming that kids will spend to the limit of whatever they have. I guess it depends on the kid’s personality and the family’s discussions.
Personality:
Some kids are naturally frugal “savers” or not that oriented towards buying things. There are the kids who work a summer job and never use one penny of their money, keeping it all in the bank, there are kids who use the money for a few carefully chosen expenses or maybe save up for something they want in the future, and there are kids who will spend the whole paycheck before the next one. (Same with adults, too!)
Discussions:
As always, open discussions about expenses, and planning together, not in a directive or controlling way, but rather in a collaborative, problem-solving way, is the best way for a child and parent to work this out. The parent’s role is to help the child learn how to manage money on his own, preparing for a lifetime of doing so. The more controlling the parent is, the less the child will be able to learn how to do this.
My D is responsible for her own books and spending money and anything else that rolls around like parking permit (or fine lol), UBER costs, her own gas and tolls, social expenses, clothing. I pay tuition, fees, room and board. She is not on a meal plan this year and I allotted her approximately $75/week, some in cash, some in dining dollars. She has worked every semester since she started, sometimes two jobs but never more than 15 hours weekly. Still, 10 hours a week is around the $100 mark and if she can’t live off that, too darn bad. I live on much less so that she can go to college. She enjoys the different jobs she’s had…working the box office, cooking in the cafe, dog sitting for professors.
I set her up pretty well at the beginning of the year with hygiene items and replenish after the holiday break if she needs anything. She buys the “special products” she wants, whether its a nice perfume or special oil treatment for her hair, that sort of thing. If she wants a dress for a dance or another item for a once-wear event, she either saves up for it or borrows one, just like I do. I also stock up her cupboard with canned goods (tuna, powered lemonade, boxed raising, that sort of thing) and again replenish with some things after holiday break. She always goes home after a visit with a pan of frozen homemade mac n cheese, homemade pasta sauce and meatballs, chicken soup, etc. She is not going hungry lol.
First step to independence is learning how to balance your budget. Some kids get out of college and can’t do a weekly grocery list or know how to compare prices. Some kids can’t afford the hair and nail budgets their parents have been paying every month. Parents who pay for every little thing aren’t doing their kids any favors.
S works during summer and has a part time job during the semester. Summer is to contribute a small amount to tuition and cover all his personal summer expenses. Job during school is to cover his spending money while at school. We are full pay at an expensive school. That was part of the agreement we made when he made his school selection. He could have gone elsewhere and we would have paid everything including spending money, but this is what he wanted and we were fine with that. Glad to see he has lived up to his end of the bargain. Never asks for money.
@TheGreyKing and @NEPatsGirl… Yes to both. Kids that work should also spend some of their money. Getting some gradification back from working is great. We taught this to our kids early on. Usually will just make them want to work harder.
My wife did a great job teaching my daughter how to shop. If she wants some new clothes she will go to a store on mega sale or thirft shop. She actually loves to thrift and finds some really cute things. Medi pedi once in a while… There are coupons and special first time pricing for that or Groupon…
How much money they even want is a product of the culture of the school they attend. We are VERY generous with our kids. Their budget was, well frankly, non existent. Meaning spend whatever you want. Both my kids went to school with many wealthy kids. But at one school, whose campus, though near a city, wasn’t super easily walkable to much. The culture there meant that there just wasn’t much opportunity to spend money. The big social activity was to go to an under 18 bar with a 5 buck cover charge. Even extraordinarily wealthy kids ( the children of movie stars and heirs to some of the largest fortunes in the country) ate almost their meals in the dining halls.
For my other kid with a seamless campus to college town the culture of the well off kids was to go out to relatively pricey restaurants once a week or more. Birthday dinners, dates, Sunday brunches etc…
As for this opinion of an earlier poster : “You have to keep it low because they will spend everything you give them.” It also really depends on the kid. Some kids are born like that. Others not.
When my daughter was doing her semester abroad in New Zealand she mentioned that it was annoying that nail polish was so crazy expensive like 25 dollars a bottle for good polish ( daughter blessed with beautiful nails and she loves doing them). I told her that she should just go get a bottle or two. It was fine with me. “I don’t know…” she said. I said” Look it’s your choice but feel free to get it”. She said ‘ yes it’s my choice and I choose not to be crazy and spend 25 bucks on a bottle of polish.”
My girls are also great shoppers. They like VALUE. I do agree with Knowwstuff about kids should learn to get gratification from spending hard earned money, to me, more importantly, is to get some joy in spending it on someone else.
This is going off a topic a bit, but when they were dating I would ask if their boyfriend took them out or bought them gifts every once in a while (and I hoped they would do the same).
@maya54 funny thing is when in the same situation and I tell my kids “sure splurge and get whatever” they never do. I will tell them I will put some money into their accounts through a transfer and still they don’t like your daughter. I guess it’s a good thing?
I have two daughters in college. We pay their tuition, books, and incidentals for necessities (deodorant, toothpaste, etc). I have one D who is very honest about this. She’ll go to target and spend $50, will charge it and will Venmo me the amount of stuff I won’t cover. The other D I have to watch more closely. She’ll try to sneak in a mascara with her shampoo.
I don’t give them money for social activities. They both work over the summer and have jobs at school. We didn’t require the jobs but they both like to work. One is returning from studying abroad and is already looking for a job back on campus. She had to quit her job when she went abroad. The other D just got a job on campus. She’s making good money. Which is good because age spends a lot more than the other one.
The one in a suburban town doesn’t spend much. Most social events take place on campus and don’t cost the students much if anything. The other one is more urban and has many restaurants, coffee shops and stores right outside her dorm. She goes off campus frequently as well
Add us to the parents who had their kids work for their extra spending money. We paid for the dining plan, books, car insurance, health insurance, and cell phones (although middle son wanted to take that on himself by his junior year). When we visited we’d take them to the grocery store and Walmart - plus once bought a nice winter coat and ice skates for my Rochester lad. Beyond that they were on their own.
They were definitely active in clubs, going to events/campus movies, and occasionally eating out or ordering in so it worked for them. They enjoyed their jobs too - and made some great contacts for later networking.
None of my lads are into fashion or video gaming or other pricey things. They weren’t while at home either. One of my fondest moments with one lad in his younger years was taking him shopping for new school clothes. He’d tried on some jeans and I asked him which ones he liked better. His response? “Mom, they’re just jeans. Buy whichever one is the cheapest.” We’ve taught them since about value (vs cheap) and watching what they support with their $$ for other reasons (save our planet, support - or not - causes/businesses, etc), but they’ve retained their overall financial intelligence. There are plenty of things one can do on a limited budget. Most people in the world need to live that way, so figure it out.