We had the oddest experience today: an absolutely terrible tour. The guide mumbled his way through the entire tour, spent way too long on boring things, and seemed to know nothing about the school. This school has a specialized niche program, which both students on the tour happened to be interested in, and the tour guide knew nothing about it. Why wouldn’t the school give the students who have expressed interest in this program (which you must apply to separately as part of your application, so the school certainly knows of our serious interest) to someone who knew something about it?
Not only that, but none of the kids that we saw seemed particularly welcoming. At other schools, you can tell that kids have been told to be good representatives of the school when a tour goes by: they straighten up, put away their phones, and look studious. They give you a big smile as you walk by, and say hi to the tour guide to show what a friendly environment it is. I went to prep school, so I remember the drill well. At this school, they just seemed obnoxious, a group of girls pushed past us (in a non-crowded room) without seeming to see us, and a group of boys in the back of one class (we were standing in the back!) were sharing and giggling over a video on someone’s phone.
I’m trying to decide if it’s fair to judge a school based on one bad tour (perhaps a usual tour guide was sick, so this young man was subbing in?), but it just felt like a waste of the morning, and I don’t want to pay 50 grand for my kid to hang around with these kids. There are other schools that we knew weren’t for us, but we barely wanted to go on to the post-tour interview here. (I’m glad we did, because the admissions person was absolutely lovely, asked great questions, and had great answers.)
I don’t want to say the school, but it’s a school with a good reputation in the Boston area, gets plenty of kids into top colleges, and I just don’t see it at all. I just wanted to vent, because it’s rubbed me wrong all day. And yes, my child had the exact same reaction we did and asked if he could rescind his application. (Which is already finished, so no.)
Why wouldn’t the school give the students who have expressed interest in this program (which you must apply to separately as part of your application, so the school certainly knows of our serious interest) to someone who knew something about it?
Reverse scenario: Perhaps the school asks why are people waiting until just before the deadline to tour such a niche program if it is that important to them.
Not only that, but none of the kids that we saw seemed particularly welcoming. At other schools, you can tell that kids have been told to be good representatives of the school when a tour goes by: they straighten up, put away their phones, and look studious. They give you a big smile as you walk by, and say hi to the tour guide to show what a friendly environment it is.
So you’re upset that the school didn’t fake it for you to entice you to go there? Would you rather have them appear sparkly and shiny now then realize how gut wrenching awful it is AFTER you sent them your $50k check?
It’s perfectly ok that a school didn’t live up to your expectations so close to the application deadline. If you’d gone earlier in the year, you could have saved $50-60 and not wasted your child’s time applying.
I’ve had a similar thing happen with me while visiting colleges (and I do recall doing the same thing with the Hun School back in the day); sometimes, the tour isn’t even bad, you just don’t feel the vibes of the place. I wouldn’t read too much into it; just go with your gut. If something makes you feel uncomfortable now—no matter how trivial it is—it probably won’t stop doing so in the future, and either way, you’ll still have a bad taste left in your mouth.
I don’t think the schools would read into the timing of a tour. Particularly if a student is touring from out of the area. Plenty of kids are admitted to boarding schools without ever visiting at all.
Regardless of that, OP, we had a similar feeling after visiting what had been one of my daughter’s top choices. The tour guide was not great and kept making negative comments about a rival school during the tour. Honestly, that made it seem like he felt like he wished he were at the other school and was jealous of them.
He told us what a grind it was, that kids didn’t have much downtime or free time, etc. Just not the vibe my daughter is looking for at all.
Perhaps she would have felt differently with a different tour guide, but the school was immediately dismissed in favor of the many other schools she did enjoy touring.
Agree with the poster above - go with your gut. It can be really hard to let go of a dream or a particular program, but you need to consider your student’s happiness outside the classroom. The school will be their family for most of the year. Is it the family you would choose for them?
Sorry for the bad tour. It’s hard to feel so let down by a school that has been swimming happily in our heads and dreams.
I would take the unprepared/boring tour guide issue as a small data point and set it aside. Surely there are other guides at that school who are fantastic and what if you had lucked out and gotten one of them? The school would still be the same school. So, I guess wouldn’t let one person stand for an entire community, good or bad.
But what is more interesting is the overall feel you described and the general tone of many of the students you saw. That I think is super important. As my mom used to say to me: when people tell you who they are, believe them. The overall tone of the school does not seem to be a fit for you or your kid and I think that is totally fine! If student is admitted and this school is for some reason in play for you still come March 11th, well you can dive in deeper then. Until then, vent away! We had a couple of tours that pulled the schools right off our list too. (Although we did them in the fall so pre-application.)
(But FWIW I would completely disagree with the suggestion someone made above that perhaps a school would be annoyed that you are touring close to the deadline. I absolutely think schools know the scheduling can be tricky. I wouldn’t worry one tiny bit about this.)
Schools don’t care when you tour. They’re busy. Applicants are busy. If you get there, great!
Every tour - and this will happen again for college, so take note! - involves some serendipity. Do you click with the tour guide? Is the weather nice? Are you catching everyone in the middle of exams, return from break, etc?
So I would consider the possibility that you managed a whammy of bad breaks. I would also consider the possibility that you are picking up on something in the vibe that is indeed there.
If your app is in, sit tight. If this is an option on M10, you can revisit. If you are local, why not go to some events at all your schools that are open to the public and observe "unscripted " interactions. Theater productions and sporting events are easy ones.
Tour guides are volunteers and at most schools are not required to “volunteer.” If the program is so niche, then the pool of students is smaller. Read nothing into that.
Regardless, there are schools that just don’t vibe with a particular student. And that’s ok.
Sometimes schools don’t have kids free at your time who align with your states interests. At Groton it’s students - senior prefects - assigning tour guides. And while they try to make good pairings there are definitely cases when they send a “help we have tours and no guides” email.
Not sure I get the secrecy on the schools name - people can tell you your gut may be right or they can tell you they’ve had a great experience there if you name the school.
My son didn’t like the vibe at nobles or Andover and had enough other good options that he didn’t apply.
From experience, we haven’t found schools to be judgmental about last minute interviews and tours. They realize that these are students and families with busy lives and who may not live nearby. Also, most schools are happy you found them. In all of our searches we’ve found many schools, even HADES, are welcoming and accommodating at any point. Some have offered post 1/15 visits, especially in this post Covid era.
To the OP, we found it telling if after our child expressed an interest in a sport in our case, if our child wasn’t matched with a member of that varsity team if not the coach themselves for the tour. However, I also know because most schools want your child to feel like more than an athlete or artist that they’ll mix up tour guides. One of our children is at a school that does that but they say it’s often not their best tour because they’re not prepared to answer questions about the school music program. But they also make sure to connect the prospective student with the people involved in they’d interests.
We had good experiences during our tour and like the others mentioned: you need to go with your guts. I know couple of friends whose children went on campus visit and didn’t get good vibes and/or totally turned off with the school(s) that they thought were their top choices.
Regarding the tour guide: it could have been this was the first time the student leading the tour, maybe it was a bad day for this student. I would separate the “noise” from the “message”. One tour that we went to, the student was ok, but compared to the others, she was probably on the “okay” level compared to “wonderful” when talking about spots on campus etc, but she was really lively when she explained her experiences with her internships and that was the main selling point of the school: they integrate internship with your curriculum that you can graduate on time even with internships and most students get 2 internships by the time they graduate.
And the goal for a campus visit is not to reaffirm your belief but to figure out whether you and/ (especially) your kid get positive vibes or not. The friends I mentioned earlier: they went on tour to one of the top colleges in the country and they didn’t like it. But I know some did and ended going to school there.