Before college.....residential HS?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hello all! I'm still new to the forum and found this a great place to seek advice. So, I thought I'd throw this one out at you to see all your viewpoints.</p>

<p>Here in our state there is a public residential HS geared to math and science (but also offers the regular HS subjects too). It is highly competitive to get into, you must have excellent grades, rank, SATs scores and all of that. It offers FAR more than our regular HS does. My daughter is gifted in many things, but math and science especially and she wants to attend this school with a passion. (she has talked about it for 2 years now). We attended open house there last month and we were EXTREMELY impressed.</p>

<p>Since it is considered a public school, it is free (room and board, books, cost to attend, food and everything). The only thing we will have to pay for is an $1800 to 2000 notebook computer that is not mandatory, but will be very beneficial to have and any food purchased off campus. They are not allowed to have cars on campus, but can take the shuttle to the mall at times, etc. They are supervised well. If you graduate from this school, you receive full tuition to any state university in our state for 4 years (excluded R&B).</p>

<p>The only drawback is, she will be two and a half hours away from us and would only be able to come home once every two or 3 weekends. She and I are very close and it would be hard for me to do without her 2 full years BEFORE she would ordinarily go off to college. BUT, I would be willing to sacrifice my feelings for her good. I feel that this school would benefit her tremendously by what they have to offer in science and math and would guide her to what she truly wants to be in life. She is in the applications process now.</p>

<p>But as many good things go, I also feel a little ambivalent. Will our relationship become distant (I really don't think so), will she lose the values we have carefully instilled in her by going off to a more sophisticated place (we are country folk, lol), or will it help her to continue to be the wonderful person she is already.....only getting better and better. I truly feel she has the potential to go very far in life.</p>

<p>I know, we've really already made our decision, and we're waiting til the spring to hear, but I've never asked this question to other folks who have children that are super achievers before.</p>

<p>So....to all of you.....tell me.....what would YOU Do?? :)</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

2

<p>salem, as a mom of a young gifted child (she is graduating a year early this year) who faced this decision a year ago, I advise you to let her go. Do NOT hold her back. You will forever regret it. Interestingly, after we gave our D the option to head to boarding school, she elected to stay home this year and make more challenges for herself within our community. We are a very close very small family, so we thought long and hard...and realized that we could never hold her back. So, my advice is, send her off to the school with kisses, hugs, lots of support....and learn to use AIM!</p>

3

<p>Our family motto: Do not close doors you cannot reopen.<br>
Let her apply, if she is granted admission let her go, if she gets there and hates it let her come home. But she will never wonder "what if?"</p>

4

<p>I agree with the posters above. Let her attend boarding school if this is where she will thrive. Your relationship will not suffer if she does. It might, if she is not allowed to pursue her dream.</p>

5

<p>Dear Salem: In my first job I worked in an east coast boarding school and it was an introduction to me (a west coast public school graduate) to the whole residential school life. It can truly be a wonderfu opportunity for a child who is motivated and eager for the opportunity, which it sounds like your daughter is. I also noticed that close, healthy families found ways to stay very connected to their daughters' experience--even thought it was obviously hard for them at times to feel the physical distance and miss the daily "sightings..." Now that I have a daughter at high school age I've often thought could I, would I send her away? She wouldn't opt for it at the moment--but if she would, I would, hard as it would feel at times. It is such a wonderful endorsement of your belief in her interests, capacity to be independent, and support for her learning. Especially with modern technology, I think you could find good ways to feel in touch. And 2.5 hours is very workable for an emergency or just a big need to give her a hug....The first part is the hardest, then you might be surprised. My son has been in Greece for 4 months and the first week was very strange, then it became quite comfortable and I think we've both gained good things from the "stretch" in our relationship... (Now I'm bracing for the work of getting used to having him back in the midst of us again....He comes home on Wednesday)
The real key is her readiness. Good luck with the decision</p>

6

<p>We are looking at privately operated boarding schools a lot farther away (and a lot more expensive by list price). I agree with the others who have replied that the thing to do is APPLY. See if your daughter still desires to attend if she is accepted, and she if she copes with being there if she enrolls. This is a reversible decision, to apply and start out, but at some point the decision to NOT apply is irreversible--she will keep growing up while she is possibly underchallenged and lacking a peer group in which she is truly appreciated. I'll miss my son too, if he is admitted and if he enrolls in the out-of-state schools, and I won't see nearly as much of him as you'll see of your daughter at an in-state school. But he may have a chance to grow and develop there that he'll miss here. </p>

<p>P.S. We are also considering early college enrollment for our son, and that is possibly another choice for you if there is a reasonably affordable, reasonably challenging college (perhaps a community college) within commuting distance of where you live. There are a lot of possible ways of dealing with the issue of a child who desires and can deal with more advanced learning opportunities, and they all come with different trade-offs.</p>

7

<p>Both of my kids went to boarding schools (for which we paid)--one 2500 miles from our home. It improved my relationship with both of them, for several reasons. First, I no longer had to nag about homework. Second, when they were home, they were home, and we could do things together without worrying about school st uff.</p>

<p>Good luck to your daughter.</p>

8

<p>I never in a million years thought my sister would allow her precious baby boy to do this. She wanted to have the perfect birthing experience and be the perfect mom. She even grew veggies and made her own baby food. The whole family thought she babied him too much his whole childhood. Their state school, junior and senior year, sounds a lot like yours. My nephew begged and pleaded and mom finally gave in (dad always thought it was a good idea). It was the best decision they ever made for him. </p>

<p>They were less than an hour away, but only saw him on school holidays. Many of the kids were 3 or more hours away. It was a wonderful experience for my nephew and his friends. And my sister not only survived, she was willing to let her daughter attend also. My niece decided to stay at her regular school because she was so invested in band and would have had to give that up. (She's in the marching band at her college and still loves it.)</p>

<p>I wish our state had this option as both of my boys would have loved it. It would have been hard to give up daily life with them at 16, but with a cell phone and email you can stay in touch.</p>

9

<p>We were in your exact shoes 3 years ago. S really struggled with his decision and it turned out to be the best thing he could have ever done. If you're speaking of NCSSM, let her go! It is the most amazing place. He was happy enough at our small-town high school, but he felt he was only operating at half-speed (his words). When he got to NCSSM, he was really in his element. He thrived, both intellectually and artistically. His SAT scores shot up and he had some great options for college. He is so glad he decided to "accept the greater challenge." PM me if you want to know more.
It may be a tougher decision for second S. He's a top student, but also a top soccer player. Leaving home would mean leaving his high-level club team (along with exposure to college coaches), so it would hurt his chances to play college soccer. But he still says he wants to go to NCSSM no matter what.</p>

10

<p>Thank you all so much for the advice! It reaffirms her (our) decision to go ahead and give it a try. I think it would be a once in a life time opportunity. Please wish her luck in the selection process! :)</p>