Thanks guys! Great advice and information! Starting to see more clearly.
I don’t think he can go as high as to qualify for NM but I think he can get a good score to get in , with preparation. Good to know the October this year one doesn’t matter , it’s going to be so-so.
@BluEyeL Based on your posts, it looks like his budget will be $27,000/yr ($60,000/4 + $12,000) funded by you and $5500-7000/yr in direct student loans for him. If he gets a job that amt could go up some. For simplicity’s sake, let’s say $33,000/yr.
Ivy’s cost around $70,000/yr. Before he even thinks about applying to a school in that price range, you need to understand how your financial situation will be seen. If they are going to factor on your husband and your ex’s income, unless they are willing to contribute the extra $30,000/yr, schools that require all parties’ info are going to be unaffordable.
If a student applies well, college apps consume a huge chunk of time. Wasting their time on applications for schools they cannot afford is a waste of time and $$. Apps get old fast. Kids get sick of the process. A well-thought out targeted list of schools that fit the essential criteria–cost, likelihood of acceptance, major–makes the process more enjoyable and will produce more options in the spring. If they can decide amg a list of several good options, it gives them more control over the process.
Once you have test scores and weighted/unweighted GPA at the end of 10th, you should be able to start narrowing down target schools that actually match his abilities and budget. Name brand recognition amg teens is absolutely the worst methodology for creating a school list. 
Spend time reading about different schools, threads that match his stats, etc, and you’ll feel more confident about the process. (There are threads targeting the 3.8 GPA kids that are very informative.)
@Mom2aphysicsgeek thank you for the very informative post! I’m glad I found this forum. I’ll spend time looking at different schools and definitely, based on the research I’ve done so far, there is no point in applying to an Ivy. I’ll have to talk to him about it. Everyone in the parent triangle makes six figures so there no way he’d qualify for any financial aid and for sure neither dad will just go on board with anything and just shell out $30K/year. This is why I opened this thread, so we can start seeing the picture and be realistic.
You described perfectly what his budget will be. This is more than enough, or more than what he needs if he gets into Purdue and is just enough for another in-state school, such as Indiana University but not sufficient for paying for a high priced out of state school. Will work on a realistic list of schools and will keep reading around here. The kid is pretty reasonable, I don’t expect him to give me much of a hard time when I talk to him about his options.
I think the kid should apply to one or two Ivies, otherwise he’ll always wonder and kind of blame it on you. Also, please know that a lot of Ivies have tons of money they give students. My nephew went to Stanford (yeah, I know it’s not an Ivy). His dad is an engineer and makes good money. Stanford was free. Free. Purdue is a great school, though. But like I said, the kid will always wonder.
@COSpgsparent
You don’t need to waste the money and time applying to relieve doubt, if his school has a program like Naviance, you could just sit with him, input his data and look to see what his odds are. Those charts are pretty darn clear. Save hundreds of dollars and many hours writing essays!
On your other point -
Agree that Ivies have tons of money, but WOW! their price tag. Princeton’s cost of attendance is 260,000 IF you graduate in 4 years. Grants only went to 59% of the class, and according to CollegeData that gift amount was 50K a year. So only a little more than half the class at Princeton was given gift money, and even then they are still left on average, to come up with 60K.
The other half of the class wasn’t given grant money.
Stanford was totally free? Than the family income would have needed to be below a certain amount…or they would have needed to have more than one kiddo in college at the same time. Even Stanford doesn’t offer free full rides to families with incomes in the $100,000 a year range…although I believe they would only pay 10% of their income to attend.
This one parent makes $100,000 a year…and her spouse makes a lot too. And Stanford uses the non-custodial parent Profile…so the non-custodial parent info is requested too…and spouse.
This is not a lower income family.
I know it saves money to have him live at home…but any chance he could live ON campus. Since his tuition costs are so low?
Stanford was totally free?<<<
Right? real qualified engineers earning less than 100K with university age children would raise the odd eyebrow, but the engineer can be a nuanced term. Like heating engineer vs mech eng.
I take these “my kid went to college for free” stories with a grain of salt- except for the military academies (which are indeed free). I know folks whose kids got a merit scholarship at Princeton because “they wanted him so much”-- nope, he got his scholarship because your income and assets qualified you for need based aid. I know folks who got athletic scholarships to schools which have zero athletic scholarships (again- financial need) and folks who got a “free ride” to one of our state U’s which invariably means a boat load of loans (but if you think loans are “free” then you are welcome to your delusions.)
Stanford is very generous and extremely transparent about its financial aid policies. If the person making “good money” qualified for aid- then good for them.
@Blossom it can be done if you pick the right schools and your kids have the right stats. No way would we ever get need based aid but my kids know that we don’t have huge college saving. My oldest is in her second year at OU and hasn’t cost us even an extra dime yet, she has National Merit and was very lucky with outside scholarships we’ll likely need to pay a little her last two years unless she can get additional scholarships. She’s working parttime to cover some of her expenses. My son will be going to UTD next year as National Merit his estimated OOP expenses will be less than $1K a year and he expects to cover that with outside scholarships as well. He’s eligible for a $4k scholarship from DH’s employer. My kids are very much adverse to any loans. Could they attend school for free any place? No! But they found good schools that are a fit for them that will be free or almost free.
I am thinking @Blossom meant that those “college for free” stories for schools like HYPSM are the ones she takes with a grain of salt. And I’m totally with her on that.
Relative convinced grandparents a kid got $10,000 in merit aid from Wellesley. Nope…not true. Another tried to convince a family member that their kid got a free ride at Penn because of her near perfect SAT score. Nope.
Yes…there ARE some very generous scholarships out there…and this OP’s kid would likely qualify for them…IF he allows the kid to apply to schools,where outstanding stats will garner significant merit aid. But it’s not going to be to Stanford. And FYI @COSpgsparent Stanford also has a required student contribution…so your friend didn’t go for free…unless they were very low income. VERY low.
@thumper1 I guess this encapsulates all I have learned in my years on CC - There’s no way “prestigious” colleges are going to be affordable for my very high achieving kids, it’s just not going to happen but if you look you can find good schools with great fit that will be very affordable or free. I love the quote, “it’s not where you go but what you do while you’re there…”
Totally agree @3scoutsmom
My kids had zero interest in even visiting the elite schools. They weren’t strong candidates for acceptance there anyway. We took our DD to see Stanford when we went to Santa Clara…I mean really…it’s pretty close.
She was underwhelmed with the campus…and really didn’t want to even walk around. Too sprawled for her.
But for us…we had the mantra…“the kid is going to college, not us” and we needed to remember that.
I think this OP is open to options…especially since his kid is onmy a 10th grader with no standardized test scores, and only one year of HS grades.
the reality is…there are not a lot of free full rides…there just aren’t.
If he takes the PSAT this year, it will be a baseline for test prep. Khanacademy and Collegeboard have free test prep and you can import your PSAT score and it gives you suggestions on what you need to work on.
I would definitely keep the instate options in the forefront.
Also with his music interest, maybe some LACs that might want more boys to enroll and give merit.
Yep, double checked. Zero tuition, not low income…three kids in family, all in college. Dad was making about 80k at time. IDK what to tell you, except it’s the truth. Good luck to you all!
I think this post demonstrates the breakdown in communication. 80K for an engineer is not going to to be generally described as “good money.” (or at least not in my frame of reference. My ds has only been out of college for 6 yrs and makes significantly more than that. By the time his kids are college age, one would expect his income to be even significantly more than it is now.)
3 kids in college at the same time also impacts the aid given by schools that meet full need.
The scenario you just posted–80K income and 3 kids in college–that makes sense for Stanford to have provided close to or complete aid. I am not 100% positive, but I suspect that income and number of kids in college at the same time is probably not significantly above being Pell eligible.
Also, tuition was free…they paid room and board.
Well, there you go. If the family paid room and board, then Stanford was not “free.” Here’s an example of why leaving out important details can raise eyebrows and lead to questioning posts.
By the way, it’s Stanford’s policy that family income below $125k means free tuition. So your nephew’s situation is not at all a surprise.
yes, $80,000 income family of 5, with 3 in college (home value $100,000, mortgage $50,000, no significant assets), shows grant aid in the amount of $61,600
Direct Costs are $61,932 and Personal Books and Supplies $5,568
So I’d say that is pretty much “free”
Stanford is extremely generous, but even in your example there is an expected family contribution of $5,900 to meet estimated college costs. I don’t know how to define “pretty much free.” There’s either free or not free. Stanford’s policy is that in all but a very few limited circumstances there will be an expected student contribution every year of at least approximately $5,000. This is not “free.”