<p>Parents w kids in prep school, what are your reflections on this? By "big pond", I'm referring not just to the size of the student body, but also on the academic & athletic competitiveness of the students.</p>
<p>Every time I go fishin, I only see the small fish being swallowed alive by the bigger fish, but never the other way around.</p>
<p>Better to be in the top academic third (or more) of the class, better to have the opportunities that are going to challenge one to grow (sooner rather than later), better to have as many chances as possible to find the one, or more, teaching mentor with whom one clicks, better to have some semblance of balance than to be strung out, better to sleep than to be deprived, better to be healthy than to be self-medicating. I favor smaller schools for all this, as small fish in small ponds have even a decent chance to represent, imho, while small fish in large ponds . . . Sorry for taking on the OP’s question more in spirit than to the letter. </p>
<p>Depends a little on your goals. If your focus is to get into an Ivy League college (as, sadly, so many families seem to have as their focus, rather than getting the most out of BS), it’s definitely better to be a big fish in a small pond-- for grades, letters, awards, etc. Also, of course, it could be very frustrating and discouraging to be near the bottom of a class or always struggling or feeling like you’re drowning (can fish drown?). But students also learn a lot from fellow students, and get pushed and inspired by those who equal or surpass them, so I don’t think you want to be at the very top of your class either-- at least in everything. Being at a school where you fit-- can do pretty well, but also get challenged and have others with similar abilities and interests, seems best for the high school years – although, again, the big pond might make it tougher to get into Ives and their equivalent. I’d also make sure to think about opportunities outside of straight academics-- does a school meet a student’s EC interests and have lots of new things to try. Those can exist at a small school or a large one, independently of how demanding the school is academically.</p>
<p>This question reminds me of one I’ve heard at college info sessions: “Is it better to get a B in a harder class or an A in an easier class?”</p>
<p>The answer, of course, is “It is better to get an A in a harder class.”</p>
<p>That said, I agree with pretty much everything Daykidmom says…and take note that her child attends a HADES school, while neither of mine does. Which speaks to the truth that there are plenty of ways to meet a child’s needs/foster growth.</p>
<p>It is better to be the big fish. If you are struggling to keep up then you will be unable to truly glean the other benefits of boarding school. How can you take advantage of the clubs, sports, leadership opportunities, etc. if you are spending all your time trying to “survive”…</p>
<p>But it does depend on the kid and on any goals he might have. </p>
<p>@SevenDad! You used that vile acro. How could you! You, of all people! <<shakes head="" in="" amazement="" and="" looks="" for="" the="" ban="" thread="">> ;)</shakes></p>
<p>Well, what else would you expect from someone whose child attends a PHLEGMS school? :-)</p>
<p>Lol… Woot! Woot! Go PHLEGMS!!! 
</p>
<p>My oldest was a small fish academically but a big fish athletically. It worked out really well for him. Even though he was in the lower 2/3’s of his class he never felt “stressed out”. Then again he’s pretty laid back and getting top grades was not important to him. Ivys were never a goal and when it came to college admissions he was accepted to 7 out of 9 great schools. We were very happy with his overall experience.
My other son is currently on the big fish side academically and small fish athletically. He’s having a great experience too. Grades are very important to him and he experiences more stress than my other son because of this.
So I think it really depends on the child and what you want out a boarding experience. They both had leadership opportunities but in different ways. It has worked out well for both of them. I am a big believer in “fit” and it is possible to find that being a small fish. </p>
<p>I agree with the sentiments above that every child is different…</p>
<p>However, I believe it is much more possible for the fish to grow into a larger pond, than it is to change the size of the pond to suit the fish</p>
<p>The trouble is the bigger fish will eat the small one before it grows into a larger pond. So yeah you need the right pond to fit the fish.</p>
<p>You want to “play up” to a higher level of competition, but not to drown. Maybe it would be described as a medium fish? Don’t we all worry, if just a bit, that our small fish will grow too fast if we plunk them in, as 14-year-olds, into a perfectly-sized pond? Or that they will not grow quickly enough if they are really a little too small to be in that particular pond? I personally feel that maximum growth, best experience tends towards the small fish/big pond; whereas improved confidence, better chances at top colleges tends towards the big fish/small pond.</p>
<p>To mix metaphors, I am a big believer that a man’s reach should exceed his grasp, and that the pond should be on the bigger side for the particular fish size. I think it sharpens skills and study habits, and really keeps things exciting, as long as it is manageable and doesn’t chew the student up and spit him out.</p>
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<p>Small schools can have higher level of competition whereas larger schools will increase it to a crushing level of competition.</p>
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<p>Exactly!!</p>
<p>Gladwell’s small fish/big pond or big fish/small pond speech, or Elite Institution Cognitive Disorder" (EICD). H makes a persuasive case to attend a college where academically you are in the relative top 1/3 of such school. His premise would also extend to BS.</p>
<p><a href=“Why Did I Say "Yes" to Speak Here? | Malcolm Gladwell | Google Zeitgeist - YouTube”>Why Did I Say "Yes" to Speak Here? | Malcolm Gladwell | Google Zeitgeist - YouTube; </p>
<p>@i70sband: excellent!</p>
<p>Much like the “better to get a B in a harder class or A in an easier class” question - it is better to get an A in the harder class. </p>
<p>It is better to be a big fish in a big pond. But this question is useful because it is yet another way to discuss “fit”. Even if you and your child think they can be the big fish in the big pond, the ride is not easy. AT WHAT COST? Is it worth it to drop outside interests, be constantly pressured by work, even adjust class choice for GPA protection? Some kids thrive in intensity and devour advanced classes, while enjoying similar peers. Even they will be overwhelmed at times by the rigor and demands of the big ponds, and a fair amount of the learning in being in that big pond is how to maintain your self-respect and sanity around all those other amazing fish. </p>
<p>These are not just prep school questions, they are college choice questions as well. The competition from bright, well prepared and fiercy hardworking students from around the globe has never been greater. Know what you and your child are attemptimg before you choose a big pond. It worked out OK for us - but sometimes it was a rough ride.</p>
<p>It’s nice to have choices. This might be a good discussion to have after March 10th, when students are deciding between schools. Right now, the discussion is theoretical. </p>
<p>Some students love small schools; they want to feel like a member of a family. They want to know every dog and baby on campus. Other students don’t want to feel as if “everybody knows your name,” to misquote the old Cheers song. </p>
<p>I would prefer small schools. But then again, my children grew tremendously during their time in high school. The one downside of larger schools (IMHO) is the competition for extracurriculars. For example, Exeter and Andover have more than 1,000 students. Each school has a great student-run newspaper. Smaller boarding schools might have 300 to 500 students–and one newspaper per school. The students at Exeter/Andover face more competitors to participate in the paper than the students at small schools face. </p>
<p>I cannot stress enough that the most prestigious colleges do not limit their admits to the “big fish in big ponds.” I suspect if you added up all the private schools not mentioned frequently here, they would collectively account for a large share of the private school students admitted to elite colleges.</p>
<p>And, as we often speak of boarding schools, there are small schools which are known to be academic “pressure cookers,” as well as larger schools which are more laid back. Don’t take the large/small division as universally true.</p>
<p>I think this story does something to corroborate what Periwinkle writes about above. There are only so many “starting” or “responsible” positions of on a school’s interscholastic teams or official organizations, like the newspaper. While I suppose that Exeter can always allow interested students to start another a cappella group, there is one that got there first and is the best known. There may be house football again at Lawrenceville, but there are only 22 positions on the Varsity offense and defense. </p>
<p>After having played soccer for ten years, just last spring the football quarterback and others persuaded our son to try football this fall, his junior year at a small school. A shortage of players and an injury to a returning veteran at the beginning of the season led to him starting every game in the offensive backfield and feeling like he’s been a real contributor to the team. It’s been a tremendous learning experience, acquired with some pain and grit, and with the thought each and every day only of the present. I doubt that this could have happened at the other two BS he applied to, middling and large schools, where conditions are so different, including the recruitment of PGs. So, go get’em, fishies of all sizes, but know your pond!!</p>
<p>No question - better to be the big fish in a small pond at an early stage like BS if your goals are achieving Ivy league college placement. However, many parents, myself included, really don’t care so much about Ivy placement and I am more interested in the best experience for my son. So a big pond might be the bet place for him.</p>