<p>We are a Black family. I have one daughter at an all girls' boarding school and she is having a wonderful academic and social experience. It is a perfect fit for her. We have another daughter that will be applying to boarding school in the fall. She is a very different child than her older sister and while she is considering attending the same school as her sister, she does not think same sex education is for her. We are considering Blair Academy, Hotchkiss, Peddie and Lawrenceville. Black females tend to report a negative or non-existent social life specifically as it relates to dating at homogenous institutions relative to their peers. I want my daughter to get an excellent education but I don't want to put her in an environment where her self esteem is damaged because she is essentially invisible to the opposite sex. She is a very confident and outgoing young lady and I want her educational environment that she is going to be in during these formative years to enhance that not hinder it. I would love to hear from parents of Black female students or the students themselves regarding what their social life has been at any of these schools.</p>
<p>Be careful. As an AfAm f grad of H’kiss ( a long time ago) -it was an amazing educational experience but it was definitely NOT a social experience. The beauty standard was very WASP and I just wasn’t. That made for a miserable experience (negative, non-existent)- but I more than made up for that lack in college. That said, except for the really popular kids it was that way for almost everyone - it just felt like race was the issue rather than the school not being a place where people “dated.” However I’m sending DS to BS next year and from the tours and talking to other parents, I think that at least for AfAm boys the social situation seems to be better. The schools are on the whole a lot more diverse than when I was a boarder. That was nice to see. Also I found the prep school confidential message boards really, really super helpful.</p>
<p>Schools are incredibly diverse now. While I wouldn’t argue that the majority of girls will be caucasian, there will be plenty of other races. People often go to these schools specifically for the newfound diversity.</p>
<p>Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it right now. That’s something to review when visiting or even during revisits. If it’s important to you, try to speak to a parent or student privately (instead of on a public discussion board) before applying. I don’t think that any racial discrimination or ignorance is going to be large enough to warrant the need to stop the application process at a certain school. Good luck!</p>
<p>When I visited Lawrenceville, I didn’t feel like anyone was ostracized at all. Everyone seemed involved, and I met a few AA Females there, who seemed very happy academically and socially. </p>
<p>Lawrenceville has one of the largest population of colored students, so I can’t imagine it being a problem there.</p>
<p>I think this is a very hard thing for most people to understand. The schools may be diverse but there is a very limited dating pool and as the poster above says, the beauty standard is definitely wasp-y. I’ve noticed it, my biracial daughter has noticed it. And yes it’s definitely different for boys.</p>
<p>It is pretty hard to understand. If there’s a lot of colored people, male AND female, then why is it very limited? I get that the beauty standard is waspy, but that shouldn’t RUIN the experience…</p>
<p>@mrnephew, this isn’t 1961, colored is an outdated term. Despite these schools being very diverse, like @Momof7thgrader said, not many people want to date the black girl. At any private school, generally, every boy wants to date a caucasian girl, even the AA boys. No one really talks about the AA girls being beautiful. I have first hand experience of seeing this in my current private school and people have told me about others.</p>
<p>Well, colored is the term that BS review uses in its statistics.</p>
<p>@doctorbirdmom </p>
<p>While I don’t have any practical advice for you, thank you so much for making us all aware of this. I had no idea that this was an issue. I have always assumed that if the class is diverse then all students join in the mix equally. I am sad about my own ignorance on this. Girl’s egos are fragile at this age and to think that there are extra considerations around race is something many of us were not aware of. Your daughter sounds amazing and I hope she has a great experience.</p>
<p>Yeah, ^ that’s what I assumed, as well. </p>
<p>When my son read this article, he said he observed some of the same dynamics at his prep school regarding the poor outreach kids: black boys have an easier time w social integration.
<a href=“Black Boys Have an Easier Time Fitting In at Suburban Schools Than Black Girls - The Atlantic”>Black Boys Have an Easier Time Fitting In at Suburban Schools Than Black Girls - The Atlantic;
<p>The upper socioeconomic class black kids, boy & girl, were better accepted.</p>
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<p>No it doesn’t use the term “colored”'; it uses “students of color”, which means non-white. </p>
<p>I’m trying to reconcile this thread with the “in loco parentis” thread. </p>
<p>I don’t know anything about the social scene at the schools mentioned. I couldn’t even report about my children’s schools, as they don’t go into detail to us about other students’ social lives.</p>
<p>My bad. Students of color it is. </p>
<p>Thank you all for your feedback. Especially @gratefulmom89 @needtoboard @Momof7thgrader. Yes it is very difficult for people to understand, although most women irrespective of race seem to understand once it’s been explained to them because. Also, my husband and I are well educated and my daughters are not considered low socioeconomic status (low ses). Socially my daughter has no problems relating to her peers at her current independent school. While there are always families that have exponential wealth, her experiences are on par with her peers of families where the parents are professionals (travel, sleep away camp, cultural exposure, etc). My issue is not that my daughter won’t fit in socially. I’m concerned about that dating aspect. Right now her school is small and her friends are 12 & 13 so being validated by the opposite hasn’t become a huge deal as of yet. I have noticed that she had a crush last year on one of her white classmates and this year an Asian boy. Both very sweet, they had a lot in common but it was apparent to both my husband and I that they just don’t look at my daughter in that way. My husband and I just want to do what we can to protect her self esteem. Since she will be away at school and not going to our church which is very heterogenous on a regular basis and not seeing children from our town which is also not just diverse but very integrated we want to narrow down our search to schools that will be nurturing both academically and emotionally, will have fond memories of and hopefully want to send her own children to. Thanks so much for your feedback.</p>
<p>If that’s the case, those four schools you mentioned sound like good places to start. Those four schools will be smaller, so they will be more tightly knit and nurturing, without sacrificing amazing academics and experiences. I also personally think that they are just fly-under-the-radar enough without being hidden gems; all, particularly Lawrenceville and Hotchkiss, will attract international students but they won’t have the insane pressures or student body sizes of some other schools.</p>
<p>Lawrenceville is one of the bigger BS’s with over 800 kids, but the House system compensates for its big size with the tightly knit community. </p>
<p>@doctorbirdmom. 12/13 is very young. Most boys are way behind the girls in terms of social development and interest in dating at this age. While I acknowledge your concern and that this is an issue for AfAm girls in general, I don’t think you can necessarily read into the “not happening” aspect of these two situations. My DDs school has a high school with not so many but a few Black girls, almost all of whom are from similar backgrounds to what you describe. Parents are doctors, lawyers, CFOs, even majorly rich professional athletes, and I can tell you that they are fully in the social scene with the affiliated boy school in terms of dating etc. </p>
<p>I guess that is why I was surprised by your post and I really hope it’s not the case at NE boarding schools and that your DD has a great experience wherever she goes.</p>
<p>I just tread my post and I realize it came across as though only rich kids are popular at my DDs school. Not true and hopefully, not true at many boarding schools either. The coolest girls, regardless of race or background, are the confident ones. And it’s because they do something that they are proud of, It can be in any venue Academics, Music, Art and/or Sports. </p>
<p>Being a female AA, I can say for myself at my current public school (70% white, 20% Asian, 5% Black) I can say that my dating life is basically non-existent. While I’m completely fine with that, it does certainly hurt a tiny bit when all my friends get asked to HC and not me. I think that you honestly tell your daughter to know that no matter what she IS in fact desirable, even if the boys she’s around don’t desire her. It’s honestly so important Andy mom tells me this all the time. Socially I’m cope lately fine at my school and I believe that wherever I go in life (not just Exeter where I’ll be in the fall) I will be able to interact well with others. But even if dating first work out for your daughter during high school, make sure she’s knows that she is still beautiful. This is vitally important and every girl needs to hear that, no matter what their race is.
Plus, as boys become men, they start venturing out of what the “social standards” are and seeking out what they really want in a woman and wife. If your daughter primarily is attracted to men who are not black, she will most definitely find one.
Also btw @needtoboard was incredibly correct in literally everyone he said. And I wish I could tell everyone this because it’s so sad to see girls who don’t think they’re wanted. :(</p>