Boarding School Change of Heart

Prep School Admissions
1

<p>After a year of DC following CC about boarding school admissions, my child told me this morning enough is enough and no longer wants to pursue BS. I think the CC comments, realistic and unrealistic, have caused DC to reconsider our present situation. It all came crashing down. </p>

<p>Also, a recent situation with SSAT didn’t help. SSAT had inconsistencies in their flex test. DC crashed from the upper level test scoring in the 95th percentile in June 2012 to 65th percentile in November 2012. To SSAT’s credit, they sent an email regarding the flex test inconsistencies and invited DC (and others) to retake the test. I posted the email I received from SSAT under forum ‘November 10 SSAT…what do you think?’ Also, boarding schools do not take any scores prior to 8/1/12.</p>

<p>Even I had reconsidered sending DC to BS after perusing the forum ‘Families entering the BS world with eyes open: know the DOWN SIDE’. DC also read it along with tons of other CC forums. There were so many panicky parents and students, so many discouraging (but some realistic) posts of not being accepted to schools of choice and also ‘hidden gems’ even with good grades, good test scores, and a heck of a hook (which DC has).</p>

<p>DC has completed and submitted all essays, recommendations, hook videos, etc. Though biased, I thought DC’s essays were truly good and one of them inspirational. DC has been so level headed and controlled during this whole BS process while pulling straights A's for the 1st marking period. This is why not only am I listening to DC expressing feelings of why no more boarding school, I am in somewhat agreement. </p>

<p>I asked DC, however, to think about all the hard work put into the application process to allow me to submit June’s SSAT (for review) and November’s SSAT scores (with the SSAT email) or retake the test to at least see what DC’s hard work might earn. Whatever DC’s decision, I am FULLY on board. While DC has my love, DC has earned my respect more than ever.</p>

<p>This morning, DC and I talked about submission to another local high end private school (like the one DC is presently in) that has a strong program of interest. We also talked about getting that driver’s permit in two years and practice driving with me in the passenger’s seat and the prospect of a used car when fully licensed. We talked about how much fun DC had with friends going to the movies last Saturday night and how new posters will now fully cover bedroom walls (sigh….). We talked about upcoming school dances, school gossip, and so much that teens like to talk about even if I don’t understand some of it.</p>

<p>This is why I have no regrets DC has had a change of heart. I enjoy this time and conversation and know that this would be minimal if DC goes to BS. I will be counting down the days until the January 15th deadline to see if DC has a mind change about test score submission and BS and will continue to encourage no matter what. But for now, DC wants no more upcoming tests (December retakes), no more CC, no more emails of interest from BS, and no more BS talk.</p>

2

<p>I commend you and DC for being thoughtful about this process. I really do think, however, that esepcially when he’s come this far, this isn’t the time to close off options and decide not to apply to BS. I’m sure that CC can become all-consuming for a kid that age and I’m not surprised that he burned out on the whole thing before applying after reading the threads on here! But an 8th or 9th grader’s feelings can change a lot over the course of the year and come spring it’s very nice to have the chance to make a choice between boarding and day school. It sounds like all he needs to do is take the SSAT again. </p>

<p>He’s not going to regret going ahead with the applications and making a decision when the acceptances come in, but he might well regret closing off his boarding school option prematurely.</p>

3

<p>After reading your post, I can sense your child has a healthy, mature, and balanced perspective. If s/he takes BS as not an end but a means to facilitate her/his goals, which is how it appears to me, I believe s/he could find another path to reach that goals. </p>

<p>The only thing bothered me was whether this whole thing was due to her SSAT scores. I have read many other complaints about November test, especially math section, so s/he is not alone. When one’s math ability fluctuates between 95% and 65% in a matter of few months, and when you read many similar cases, barring anything like test anxiety, one must have to suspect it is the design of test, not a test taker’s math ability, that is not reliable.</p>

<p>Best wishes for whatever path your child chooses, and we can only be supportive of whatever decision our children make.</p>

4

<p>@familymom: Thanks for your comment. DC and I will make the decision how to proceed since I am closer and more aware of what’s going on in the mind and heart. I wanted to share our experience with others who might be in the same boat albeit experiences vary from person to person.</p>

5

<p>Oops, comment was addressed to friendlymom, not familymom.</p>

<p>Also, DC’s decision was not solely due to the SSAT and CC, obviously, is not solely to blame. Decision change, as many kids realize, is due to separation from family, friends, familiarity, school, etc. But whatever decision is made will be the right one for DC.</p>

6

<p>I don’t post often but am an avid reader of posts and sometimes feel compelled to respond. A few months back I responded to Seven Dad’s post about school advocacy (had to go back and re-read my post). In my post, I commented about becoming opinionated after reading snippets and general information and then providing opinions that tend to be cognizant of everything involved in the life of the poster and his/her child. </p>

<p>Famtree, no one fully knows what happened in your child’s psyche to make him feel this way. Could be burnout, wanting to stay home, or anything else that you suggested. As I mentioned in a previous post, you are your child’s best advocate and know that whatever decisions are made are made in their best interest.</p>

<p>Good luck to you and your child’s pursuits. If it pleases you, let us know how things turn out. Best!!</p>

7

<p>I was told the other week not to mention BS to our third child unless asked. We never even got off the ground this Fall but my innuendoes obviously did not go unnoticed and I guess were considered borderline pushy. I still think my last approach was somewhat incognito but I didn’t fool anyone. I wanted to get her on campus, not to just see the school but to really interact with the students who are not only academically driven but who also have a strong sense of esprit de corps for their school. I thought a big athletic rival weekend would be fun and the perfect opportunity to see a BS in full swing without the classroom aspect but unfortunately it was not to be. I write this more for me and those parents who may be in a similar situation. The plan, I guess, is to go for it next year. There is also the subtle fact of having any empty house. But, tomorrow we will be filled with current and alumni of boarding schools throughout New England and Delaware and I will be able to stay true to my promise of not mentioning BS until asked a question. Happy Thanksgiving to all!</p>

8

<p>Re-posting from another thread:</p>

<p>We are still riding the fence with regard to our second child. Materials have been gathered and visits completed, but said child has said “I really don’t want Saturday classes and definitely don’t want to wear a tie every day”. Well that narrows the field considerably. </p>

<p>We are torn because the BS experience has been a rich and wonderful experience for our first child, and we would love to give the same to gift to the next child. Our ears are wide open though, and we are just not discerning the same enthusiasm that we saw a few years back with the first one. Right now, my instincts tell me second child will stay home.</p>

9

<p>There are 115 schools on boardingschoolreview.com that meet the criteria of no Saturday classes plus casual dress code. If those are really the only things holding back your child, certainly you can find a handful of those schools that are acceptable to you both.</p>

<p>My daughter was adamant about a casual dress code and no (or very minimal/loosely interpreted) sports requirement, and originally she was lukewarm to the whole idea of BS. But when we visited some schools that were more to her liking, she became very enthusiastic. Ironically, she has a vivid imagination, but imagining herself at boarding school did not come easily. We found four very good schools that met her criteria, along with other criteria of course, and she is now attending one of them.</p>

<p>And she’s very happy. My boss asked me how DD would reply if asked to consider, on her first visit home, if she had gone to our local public HS instead of BS. I was sure I knew the answer but I asked her anyway and she said “I shudder at the thought.”</p>

<p>She didn’t really have a negative view of the local HS when she left but now that she is experiencing what a great education can be like, she has no desire to go back. Because of a recent move on our part, she did not have lifelong friends she was leaving behind. It actually worked out quite well that we crossed that hurdle a couple of years ago.</p>

<p>I am reading between the lines of HarvestMoon1’s post, that perhaps there is more to it than dress code and Saturday classes. BS is not for everyone. As part of the negotiation process with DD, I strongly encouraged her to attend for a year even if she felt unsure, but that after a year, if she did not want to continue at BS, that would be fine.</p>

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<p>Before we start our early Thanksgiving festivities (the annual neighborhood roll in the dead leaves…yep, for real), I wanted to thank all for their insight to my post and sharing of experiences. That’s what makes CC such a great place to seek information because of its differing opinions.</p>

<p>@Sitekey…a heartfelt thanks to you. I think many times we post to just get it off our chest. Sometimes people, God bless ‘em, in their enthusiasm to help and give advice that benefited their child, it just may not be the best approach for yours. All done with good hearts and in good faith. I will PM you and let you know how things finalize.</p>

<p>Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Off to the kids roll in the leaves (thank goodness it’s not hay). :)</p>

11

<p>alooknac, I agree. We have interpreted the “no tie or Saturday classes” as a indication that he is not really interested in pursuing BS. (I say this because all the schools on our short list had one or the other, so all were conveniently disqualified). He is very happy at his current school and has built a tight network of friends. We think the idea of a change just does not appeal to him right now. Our first child was very enthusiastic, and definitely “owned the process” by the time the decision was made on which school to attend. We knew it would work out well.</p>

<p>I think we will test the waters again next fall, to see he wants to start BS as a 10th grader. Things can change substantially in High School, and he may find he would welcome the change.</p>

12

<p>To the OP - I read through your post but it’s not clear to me exactly WHY your child is no longer interested in BS. As a parent, I would want some concrete, well thought out reasons. Perhaps you know them and I missed them in your post. It’s normal to get cold feet or be worried about not being accepted or a change but I would not let those reasons stop my child from applying. Reading the post, I do get the sense that the bad SSAT experience has somewhat rattled your family. I assume you initially made the decision to apply for academic reasons or some other solid reason. If that hasn’t changed, if it was my child, I would complete the application process and make a decision on whether not to attend after revisits in the Spring. </p>

<p>Don’t let the comments on CC sway you too much. There are ups and downs, pros and cons, but that would be true with any school choice. These are the high school years, after all. Our kids go through a lot in 4 years and change a lot during the process.</p>

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<p>I think it’s perfectly normal to get “cold feet” when encountering obstacles, and contemplating decisions which force huge change in our lives.</p>

<p>Mr. Mulligan, head of school at Thacher, told a hilarious story during Parent’s Weekend in October about a new 10th grade student several years ago at Thacher. On move-in day, this super-qualified, mature and very “together” young lady requested a meeting with him. She proceeeded to very calmly let him (and her parents) know that, although Thacher was a wonderful school, she had changed her mind, and would NOT be going to boarding school. She then proceeded to have a quite emotional breakdown, which Mr. Mulligan and her parents helped her through, and she did in fact move in that day. She went on to have an absolutely stellar three years at Thacher, graduating with many honors, and going on to great success in life. </p>

<p>So the question is - when to push our kids to “stick with it” and see something through, and when to support them with the decision to “throw in the towel?” I think it’s always an individual decision - only you and your family can really decide the best path.</p>

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<p>That is a very moving story.</p>

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<p>Great story, mountainhiker. Fortunately, few major decisions in life must be made in a single day, as that young lady learned. OP and the child have a lot of time to make a final decision.</p>

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<p>Sometimes - it’s just about letting the process play out and trusting the kid’s instincts. </p>

<p>What I do know is that discussions boards can help or hurt a process because you don’t know who is being honest - and who is blowing smoke. I’m grateful that - despite my own BS experience years ago - I’ve developed good relationships with other parents on and offline to talk about what is happening in the current climate. </p>

<p>So trust your gut is the best I can say. There are no bad decisions if your child lands in a school that values them and nurtures their academic curiosity: boarding school or a local option.</p>

17

<p>I second Exie. </p>

<p>The parents here have been invaluable in our search. I have found many incredibly generous with their time and sharing the value of their hard-won experience. Usually, it is easy enough to sense sincerity. I have heard good stories, bad stories, many offline, but they all make me think. While you always have to understand that this is an anonymous, public board, there is much good here. </p>

<p>Quite frankly, we would not have found the school that DS is thrilled to be at now if it weren’t for CC. Of course, we did our own due diligence as well as check out many, many other schools, but the heartfelt stories from several people on CC about one school led us to, well, really a gem. While I put it on the list, it was DS who felt, at gut level, that it was right for him, and ran with it. I think a teen’s instinct on whether a given BS is right for him…or if BS is right at all…is often spot-on for reasons they can’t always articulate in an adult way. DS doesn’t post on CC and may not even be aware of its existence, but I thank you all, for both of us.</p>