<p>I’m confused about this “veto power”. I know that legally, an Adult is 18. </p>
<p>Is the “veto” an implied “veto” over my decisions?</p>
<p>Yes. If your parents will not contribute the expected family contribution (in financial aid calculations), they can effectively prevent you from attending college unless you get a large enough merit (or ROTC) scholarship.</p>
<p>While age 18 is legal adulthood for most purposes, for financial aid purposes, the student is independent of the parents if 24 years old, married, or a military veteran.</p>
<p>This is an old posting, but, I might as well give a monthly update, and a recent update on the situation.</p>
<p>After trying to contact the counselor repeatedly, ultimately, it never worked out for a conference, and after Chinese New Year dinner, where my extended family was surprised that I wasn’t going to VT, and wondered why my parents didn’t let me, my parents then turned to me.</p>
<p>After explaining best I could in the most solid tone, and respectful, I laid my explanations why I wanted to serve, what my opinion was, and everything. Afterwards, </p>
<p>My mom simply said that my patriotism was “the stupidest thing she ever heard of”</p>
<p>Dad said, “we’re done here. I’m done with you being my son, I’m done being your dad. We’re done here.”</p>
<p>Hmmm, not a good situation. Apply to ROTC full ride scholarships and the automatic full ride scholarship schools, and consider enlisted military service followed by college on the GI Bill money.</p>
<p>What do your other relatives think about this situation?</p>
<p>I’m confused about your dad. Your earlier posts made him sound neutral about it, and hands off in this situation. What changed?</p>
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<p>Sometimes that happens. You have my sympathy (spoken as one whose dad wouldn’t attend graduation, wedding, and most of the time still won’t speak with me).</p>
<p>DO NOT let THEIR decision ruin YOUR life. Go out and be the best you can be (no matter where that is). They may, or may not, come around, but if you let it ruin your life there’s double damage done.</p>
<p>If necessary (because you can’t afford college), you can enlist, then attend college and head to Officer school. You do what you have to do.</p>
<p>Contact VT and see what they might be able to do. You never know.</p>
<p>This will only temporarily work, but there is a program specifically for the Marine Corps where you train in the summer, they help you pay for school, and you commission as an officer upon completion of The Basic School (you also have to go to Officer Candidate School one summer). I know this doesn’t solve all of your problems but I might help you find a way to serve that doesn’t require a decision (or telling your parents) right now. </p>
<p>Where do you plan on going to school now? Do they have an ROTC unit? Sometimes the unit staff can be very helpful, even if you’re not in the unit</p>
<p>The Navy has a Nurse-Option ROTC program, look into that, it’s a pretty cool program. </p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear that your parents have completely disregarded your interests in favor of their own. No child should ever be out in that situation.</p>
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<p>I’m so sorry that your parents are treating you this way. In my opinion, it’s inexcusable. It’s not as if you have committed some sort of crime.</p>
<p>Pardon my ignorance, but is it possible that their harsh feelings have anything to do with the fact that they are Chinese? I certainly don’t want to stereotype their behavior, but I’ve heard some horror stories about overbearing and demanding Asian parents. We live in a diverse community with many wonderful Asian families. My intention is not to offend anyone.</p>
<p>Re: #48</p>
<p>Posts #1 and #7 of this thread give the OP’s back story.</p>
<p>In post #7, OP states that his mother’s distrust of the military comes from his uncle’s views:</p>
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<p>I guess possibly it is from being Chinese, and no, I didn’t find it offensive, I find it probably a bit of a reason.</p>
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<li>Well, I guess my Dad really showed his true colors, and really changed hands. To pretty much sum up his argument, it’s because I’m his only son and he doesn’t want to “bury your stupid ass before I die” (yes, that is verbatim). I’ve tried to explain to him most likely if I were to apply for med., that I wouldn’t be much out into the field, but, it didn’t work out well.</li>
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<p>The military provides funeral services for servicemembers killed in action.</p>
<p>During the Iraq war from 2003-2006, Navy and Air Force personnel in the combat area had a lower risk of death than overall US men age 20-34. Army and Marines personnel had a higher risk.</p>
<p>[“Mortality</a> of American Troops in Iraq” by Samuel H. Preston and Emily Buzzell](<a href=“http://repository.upenn.edu/psc_working_papers/1/]"Mortality”>http://repository.upenn.edu/psc_working_papers/1/)</p>
<p>But I suspect that these are irrelevant to him.</p>
<p>However, note that physicians in the military do enter combat areas to provide medical services to servicemembers there who need them (combat injuries as well as typical sicknesses and injuries that civilians also have).</p>
<p>But what you really need to do is figure out what to do when you turn 18.</p>
<p>SteelOxide, have you considered that the words coming from your parents mouths are based on fear? When we are afraid for our children, what we say can appear as irrational rage, and it’s not, it is fear.</p>
<p>When I read your posts, I see what your parents can see as over the top patriotism, and it is a little much. After seven years in the Air Force, with probably 95% of my friends, family, and co-workers being prior or current military, I guarantee you that I love the military and am quite patriotic. But you sound like you are just raring to go get some action. As someone who is not your parent, I appreciate your enthusiasm, because we really need soldiers who feel that way. But if I was your parent, I would be scared. And I am comfortable with and highly support the military.</p>
<p>You are their only child? Their hopes and dream are all about you. They hear about the soldiers killed, coming home with PTSD or limbs blown off coming back from wars they may not understand or agree with. And many not even able to get a job after all that. They are probably thinking, did we sacrifice so much and invest so much into this precious child to become cannon fodder, sent to war by politicians whims? We give up, we don’t want anything more to do with you, we can’t stand the thought of losing you. I am not trying to offend anyone whatsoever, I just hear so much fear in your parents words.</p>
<p>I understand wholeheartedly to your arguments, and I myself do tell people, “it’s better to know the terrible truth than to be ignorant of it, because the ignorant are the ones who are ill prepared for what lies ahead”. </p>
<p>In my defense, and in all respect, if I was “raring to see action”, I would have considered working in Combat Medicine rather than General surgery for the US Army, or would have straight away decided to go along the Infantry route and become a combat medic. </p>
<p>At the moment I’m just trying to be able to find common ground in speaking terms.</p>
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<p>Do you mean in terms of being allowed to go to college, or not being disowned when you turn 18?</p>
<p>As a former Marine officer and father of a son who dropped out NROTC all I can say go for it! The armed forces are an honorable profession.Never be ashamed of who you are.By the way my son is happy.</p>
<p>I think there may be something else going on that could explain your parents’ reactions. </p>
<p>Early in this thread you describe your paternal relatives’ extensive military service, including the USMC service of your paternal grandfather and paternal uncle (as well as various government work, including military/law-enforcement, by your paternal cousins). </p>
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<p>Then in a more recent post you write:</p>
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<p>Is it possible there is a “family secret” or similar regarding your dad and military service? If his father and siblings served in the USMC, and he was rejected from enlisting based upon a medical condition, deemed unfit during boot camp, dishonorably discharged due to some situation, dropped out because he hated it, whatever - I imagine there’d be some lingering family issues (even if they are just his or your mom’s perceived judgements). Maybe your dad felt pressured to join the military as a kid and it wasn’t what he wanted to do? This could be driving your parents’ reactions. Heck - there is also the possibility that they are so afraid you’d find out about your dad’s service (which you could theoretically be exposed to if you entered the military – they track which soldiers have a veteran parents and actually if you are the child of a veteran you are supposed to be given preference in the ROTC selection process.*)</p>
<p>I could be WAYYYYY off-base and I probably sound like a conspiracy theorist, but this just jumped out at me. Especially if your father was relatively neutral early on (maybe he was actually rooting for you!) but then when he saw you weren’t going to back down, the reality of you finding out something this “big” that has been kept hidden in your family scared him and he’s reacted harshly.</p>
<p>Perhaps I have imagined things here, but I think the only way to get down to the truth is to find a time to have a 1-on-1 conversation with your father and ask him, point blank, if he ever “thought about serving in the military.” You can open the door for him. Heck, maybe even ask him outright if he ever “participated in the military in a way.” Regardless of his answer - and it may actually be “no” (your neighbor and others could be off-base) - you can follow it up with a question asking why he is so opposed to the idea.</p>
<p>(*=This is what I was told by a member of a ROTC selection board a few years ago. Don’t know if it’s actual policy, simply preferred opinion/practice, or has since been changed. Do the ROTC forms still ask if you have a veteran parent? I think they might.)</p>
<p>“if I was “raring to see action”, I would have considered working in Combat Medicine rather than General surgery for the US Army, or would have straight away decided to go along the Infantry route and become a combat medic.”</p>
<p>You must know that in the military, your desires are always secondary to the needs of the military. They can decide to put you wherever they want to. You have talked a lot about the Army and the Marines, and I’m sure your parents are well aware that those are the branches that have the most service in combat, by far. You do sound as if you are, “raring for action,” by these things you say you are doing:</p>
<p>'Working at the USMC Museum as a tour guide, volunteering as an EMT and part of CERT, waking up every day with my Grandfather who made me recite the USMC values, paid for Martial Arts classes, (current 2nd Degree at Wing Chun), made me learn to hunt, pushed me to train to be in the same physical shape he was,"</p>
<p>Nothing whatsoever wrong with those things, they are all very admirable, but that doesn’t sound like someone who is purely interested in the medical field, and I’m sure your parents can see right through that. Especially when they are hearing you go on about your patriotism. I personally would be very concerned that my son was pretending that he wanted to do the medical career field, and would end up on the front lines soon enough (whether it was medical, combat support or something else, not everyone who becomes involved in combat is there to fight). I would also wonder why you seem to be interested only in the Army and the Marines. </p>
<p>I’m just trying to make you think through what could be there point of view. Do you think they are reacting this way because they are worried about you, or do you think they are being irrational and overbearing?</p>