@vegas1 I am sorry that this semester has been so hard on your daughter.
We had a similar situation when dd started college (she is now a Jr.) She did make the club for the activity that she competed in in high school, but it was a big mismatch! There was a below-the-radar hazing in the club which is just not good for dd. Also, DD is a non-drinker, non-vaper etc which makes the social aspect HARD at first. It took her a full year untangle herself from the club, find a much-better-for-her club and to find her non-partying/non-vaping/non-drinking people. BUT, sophomore year was so much better than freshman year, and junior year has been fantastic (finally!)
A little warning for what’s ahead - depending on the school - she may feel lonely/left-out during rush if she chooses not to participate. DD did not rush any sororities (see non-drinking etc above) and rush was the talk among the freshmen girls in the spring. Plus the girls had to eat with, study with, and hang out with the sororities 24/7 during that time period. (I think her school has about 30% greek involvement and is not known as a party school.)
Hang in there - it gets better!
Dear @Vegas1 - thanks for sharing the real struggles of first year at college. I think it’s very hard to transition to many universities/colleges after BS. Size is but one factor - remember some of these students are coming from HS graduating classes of over 1,000 or more. Also, it’s very difficult (speaking from experience) to transition to a school with a Greek life culture - especially if Rush is first semester. Even more so if there is a cultural and geographical variable involved. I remember walking into a class I was the graduate-level TA for, at a Southern school known for its Greek life, wearing my typical NE garb, only to see every other female dressed up with make-up. ? Things should be brighter by the Spring and if not, your DD, is lucky to have such a supportive and wise mom to guide her!
Thanks everyone for the great support. She is in a living learning community dorm on a substance free floor- but all that means is you can’t drink in the dorm or come back wasted to the dorm.
The school has 60% Greek life and freshman can rush in the spring so I do anticipate it getting more challenging over the coming months. Hoping she finds some like minded peers to hang out with on weekend nights as that is the primary issue.
Thought to post an update. Our DD finished her first term at Dartmouth and officially has settled in. She ended up loving her classes and professors, found her place socially and as a photographer. (She was lucky enough to meet and photograph 3 presidential candidates.) She dropped Russian language and started studying Latin. She loves the classics department and is now thinking she wants to be a classics professor. She appreciates the small classes and regularly hangs out in her professors offices petting their dogs. The library is her favorite spot on campus for napping, watching Netflix and oh yes, studying, She can’t say enough about the dining options on campus and has gained the request 10lbs to validate it.
She went back and visited her friends at BS in the fall and officially said it felt to small for her. When I picked her up for winter break, she expressed how much she would miss college when she is home for the 6 week break. It is amazing to look back and see how much has changed in such a short period of time. Wondering how the other 2019 alum are settling in?
I’m still hanging here as a BS parent with a 2019 college alum. Ha!
ChoatieLT is about to “settle in” to a real job in January. He moved into a nice apartment just outside Augusta, GA (near Ft. Gordon) in August to start the 11-month Cyber BOLC (Basic Officer Leadership Course=Death by PowerPoint). Two months in, he was plucked for a job with the Defense Digital Service under one of his former mentors from West Point. He will spend a few weeks in January onboarding at the Pentagon, then start work on a project in a regular office in downtown Augusta (no more days at Ft. Gordon). He gets a raise and gets to wear civilian clothes (woo hoo!). He’s happy and excited by the prospect of real cyber work. We are thrilled for him, and I guess this is where I stop posting on this thread as his student days are behind him (for now, grad school comes later).
Congrats to the BS class of 2019 and the parents who’ve travelled this amazing road with them. 
Congrats to @ChoatieMom and your DS upon his new posting! Very impressive. It’s been so nice of you to share your DS’s story and how he developed from boarding student through college into the officer/leader he is today. I am “jelly” @ his living in Augusta! Think you should plan a trip there in early April!
Thanks, @Golfgr8. We visited him in October. Is there something special about visiting in April? Is that when the Master’s is held?
Yes@ChoatieMom, you are correct! The Masters will be held April 9-12 this year. Book your fun early @ Partridge Inn, Frog Hollow Tavern and the Fox’s Lair (bar with a few rooms upstairs). Better yet - have ChoateLT rent out his apartment for big$$ to golf fans. Congrats to all!
@ChoatieMom Very excited to hear about ChoatieLT! Congratulations! Please feel free to stay on this thread and chime in!
@vegas1 Glad to hear DD has settled in and found her place. Hope she continues to thrive and enjoy Hanover.
DS2 is enjoying school and received a named scholarship (no additional funds as he is already receiving grants.) He had a rather full load of classes in engineering (i.e. math, physics, chemistry and some engineering) but is handling them well. He returned to school Friday after a week long Thanksgiving break. He will be home in two weeks - one week of classes and one week of finals. The spring term does not start till January 28th at Johns Hopkins, but they have 3-week Intersession. He will return to school January 5th after a 3-week winter break. He is applying for summer research positions, so it is possible that he will not spend summer at home. ;-*(
Safe travels everyone during winter weather!
@vegas1 , really happy to hear that the rocky part was short. It is so much like BS, isn’t it? It helps so much if the initial transition is easy, but in the end, it’s a 4 year experience and those first months are only a wee bit of it. So great to hear how she her way is evolving.
SmallFry has had a tougher transition and is in the process of finishing transfer applications - which are a lot less onerous than the first times round! The school smallfry picked ended up being a bad social fit - although the good news is that academically it has been a great fit and SmallFry is doing better than ever academically. SmallFry has progressed from hating the school to being somewhat unhappy so I’m hopefully that at the end SmallFry will stay put because the school has many important positives.
@Frydaddy , everyone always aims to land in the right place, but having the transfer option is great for when it doesn’t work out. I recall that it was a tough choice last spring. GL in round 2! I think it can be a little easier to sort through what you’re looking for and looking at with a semester of college under your belt.
Yes we did have a hard time choosing. I think SmallFry made the best choice given the options at the time - although smallfry wonders if the mistake was making a “head” decision and not a “heart” decision with the final two choices by choosing the “best” school on paper (ie by rankings reputations etc). Transferring may end up being the right way to go. I can tell you one thing with certainty though: writing college essays have gotten no easier since the first round!
@Frydaddy good luck on transfer admissions. I can say that sometimes it is the best thing for them to find a new place that better meets all their needs. Our daughter transferred after sophomore year and loved her new school. Good luck to you! Feel free to PM me if you have questions on the things we learned through the process.
I think that it can be easy to choose for prestige when you are in as community (and it may or may not be a BS – really a matter of the ocean you swim in) that places a lot of emphasis on that.
Frykid is learning a great lesson at a point in life when it can really make a difference about how to make decisions for yourself. It’s definitely a gift, even if it requires work.