I’ve had some issues at home because of some psychological issues that my siblings have had. It’s affected my extracurricular involvement and had a large impact on my life. I’m planning to share some of this stuff either in the additional information box or in a supplemental essay, but I’m concerned that colleges might file some if this information away and use it to evaluate my siblings. They’re younger than me and have (almost) overcome these issues. Unless they choose to mention it, nothing on their future applications will indicate that they had these kinds of issues.
It’s nothing illegal or related to academic dishonesty. More along the lines of behavioral and mood related issues like anger issues, serious depression/anxiety, etc.
My last name is uncommon, and they could probably connect the dots between my siblings and my essays if they really wanted to. They’re also only two years younger than me.
Should I be concerned about my essays potentially harming my siblings in the future?
P.S. I have permission to talk about this stuff in my essays.
To me, this is a red flag. Your essays should focus on you and not your siblings, quite frankly. I strongly suggest you do not write about your siblings. Surely there is something more to you than your siblings’ psychological issues? If you choose to stay with this, you must ensure the focus is on you and that the siblings are just part of the framework of the essay, rather than the whole story.
I don’t know what the issues are, but there is an implication in your post that your siblings will apply to college just as other high schoolers do, when they reach that stage of their lives. If there is any chance that they will apply to the same colleges you are applying to in the next year or so, then no, please do NOT write about them because AO’s may remember that you are their sibling.
There’s a lot we don’t know, so it is hard to give firm advice. Are the problems severe and disruptive? Is there a valid reason why an AO needs additional information about the problems your siblings face? Has the behavior directly caused your grades to suffer? Because typically, if a student is very negatively affected by ongoing family issues, it is best for a guidance counselor to perhaps make mention of this in their letter of rec.
If the issue is more that there has been a negative effect on you that has caused your grades to suffer, be sure you aren’t trying to blame your siblings for that. You don’t want to sound as though you are making excuses for whatever has been happening. You say it’s affected your extracurricular activities. If, for example, you mean that due to their behavior, you have had to give up things to help look after them, then yes, that could be worth explaining. If it’s more a case of your grades have taken a hit, I’m not so sure I would mention it. But again, we don’t have a lot of information here, so it’s hard to advise you fully.
I like @Lindagaf 's response. I want to add that many times the people who read your essay may not know your name. Many colleges hide demographic information from the essay reviewers (some universities even ask the applicants not to include any identifying information in their essay). Even if they don’t know your name, I do not suggest writing about it. If anything highly impacted your study, your counselor may write about it using professional language in his reference letter.
The student says the last name is distinctive. The siblings are a couple of years behind the OP. Maybe the app will be anonymous, but not many colleges do this, afaik. We are all very aware that mental health issues can be a red flag to AO’s.
Besides, is this student’s essay really the place for him or her to discuss the siblings’ mental health? The answer is clear.
Thank you for such a thorough response. I really appreciate it.
To be more specific about how I considered incorporating such information, I’m considering a supplemental essay for the “world you come from” prompts about how the failings of those around me have informed my decision making processes and/or writing a short two-three sentence description of it in my CommonApp Additional Information section. Outside of these two instances, I do not have any plans to mention it elsewhere in my application.
I generally try to avoid specifics but I understand that this is a difficult question to answer without any information, while attempting to avoid identifying information. I’m not sure how quotes work, but don’t quote the blurred text because I will likely delete it later.
My sister developed severe anxiety/depression and was hospitalized after overdosing on anxiety meds. My brother had poor emotional regulation, and did typical “anger issues things”, e.g. hitting mom a few times, screaming/arguing, breaking door, etc. Mom sent brother to a psych ward for a week out of concern for her own safety and sister spent ~3 ish months in a couple wards. I spent most of the school year(my sophomore year, during covid) online at my grandparents (different city, 4 hour drive from home) after sister was hospitalized.
To clarify my intent, I did not intend to use such information as justification for low grades or something similar. I’m ~top 7% at my school and have a strong SAT. While it was the online year, some of my ECs were impacted by not being in town for most of the school year, but, as opposed to justifying a lack of success, I hoped to use such information to heighten my successes by demonstrating I’ve been successful despite the issues going on at home. I also thought it would give AO’s more insight to why I am who I am and how I’ve developed my current mentality and worldview.
This is my main concern though. I’ve provided some more details about their circumstances, so I was wondering if anyone could make a slightly more definite guess about whether my siblings would be negatively impacted, or whether, as Lindagaf hinted towards, they’re either not significant or relevant enough to my life to warrant mentioning in my application.
Oops, typo. Intended to write “…while attempting to avoid identifying information I’ll describe the situation with in more detail.” Shouldn’t impact the overall meaning though
Also, to clarify, I don’t think my counselor is aware of anything, so she wouldn’t have mentioned it in her letter. They will only know what I explicitly state in my application.
The only relevant part of the blurred text, IMO, is that you lived away from your immediate family for a year. But, you have succeeded despite your family issues. My opinion is that you 100% should not mention your siblings’ issues. If you need to say anything, you can state that due to family circumstances, you lived with grandparents for a year.
Again though, why mention this? What’s going to be gained? Bluntly speaking, AO’s don’t admit students because they feel sorry for them. There is no problem here, from their perspective. You did what you are supposed to do. EVERYONE suffered during covid. EVERYONE has a story to tell from that time.
IF there had been some huge problem, maybe you could mention it. But there wasn’t. I know I sound harsh, but there are so many students who excel in much worse circumstances. I suggest you rethink your essay. If you like, I’ll send you a pm and you can share it with me. I will give you honest feedback.
And given your unusual last name, if there is a chance your siblings are applying to the same schools, I see zero reason to share your siblings’ information with strangers who have no business knowing it.
I also want to mention this. Don’t describe situations as the failings of others, barring some egregious instance of you being failed. It can sound as though you are blaming other people. Far better to discuss the challenging circumstances you found yourself in, and how you made your decisions based on those circumstances. You do NOT have to mention your siblings, and frankly, I advise you not to. It’s enough to allude to mental health issues in the family, as an example.
The student is not the sibling. They are not keeping a secret file for two years down the road.
Each student will stand on their own. The same AO or admissions team may not even be there.
I only answered the question in the title. While I don’t disagree with your commentary, I was trying to stick with the question in the title as you answered why writing about something not about you makes no sense.
And of course, as you are trying to sell yourself, writing about things that might cause ‘risk’ to the school in bringing you in may also be a no no.
So I wouldn’t share it.
But to answer OP, I can’t imagine in any way this application would impact another person’s app a few years down the road.
You’re probably right about my issues not being significant enough to make me stand out amongst others who’ve experienced hardship at home. Keeping that and everything else in mind, the potential risk of including such information outweighs the benefits.
This is probably what I’ll do. I’ll include this in my additional information section and leave it at that. I may mention it in a supplemental briefly, but not with any specificity beyond “issues at home.”
I wasn’t sure what you meant by this. What kinds of challenging circumstances are you referring to? Do you mean to try talking about the circumstances which appeared as a byproduct of my siblings’ issues without qualifying those issues? I.e. talking about having to live away from my family without talking about why I had to live there. Or, were you suggesting I focus on other unrelated circumstances which I found challenging?
Thanks for your input as well. This is also a good point. I should keep colleges from thinking I’m mentally disturbed or at risk of developing serious psychological issues.
Saying you didn’t participate in an EC because xyz comes off as ‘blaming’ or making an excuse.
Saying that you had to help the family or had to move away is fine. But to me you’re better off to not address it.
Helping family is fine and should be noted. It’s, in fact, an activity or productive use of time.
Not being able to participate because xyz…I wouldn’t go there. I’d just leave it alone in this case. If it were a physical illness, etc then ok. But depression, etc is a red flag id simply avoid.
I mentioned it in my last reply, but I likely will not incorporate their failings into my application. I want to answer your question anyways though.
That’s the main reason I would incorporate such information.
I also wanted to write one of my supplemental essays about it. When prompts ask about the world I’ve come from or how I’ve been shaped by my life experiences, how my siblings have struggled is the first thing that comes to mind. Watching people close to me ruin their lives with their own hands has taught me a lot about what it means to fail and what happens when someone fails. Through their failures, I’ve learned a lot about what it means to be successful and some of the prerequisites for success which I’ve tried to incorporate into my own life, i.e. ambition, reasonable goals, etc. And seeing my someone close to me at their lowest point has helped resolve to do everything in my power to avoid failing myself and ending up in a situation similar to theirs.
So it was fodder for a supplemental essay and also partly to qualify some of the adversities I’ve faced.
This must have been incredibly difficult for all of you. What a nightmare. Thank goodness for the refuge of your grandparents’ home. Still, I would stay away from the topic of your siblings entirely, both for their privacy, and more importantly, for your own sake. It’s one thing when one writes about how much the responsibility of caring for one’s profoundly intellectually disabled sibling has affected one’s own life and high school experience, along with the inevitable noble conclusion that the disabled sibling has taught one so much (not that this isn’t often the case, but no one ever says how difficult it was growing up with a profoundly disabled sibling).
Even though this experience was formative for you, I still wouldn’t mention your sibs’ issues. If they’re still including the “How the pandemic affected me” section in the Common App (and they should - after all, current applicants were in high school during the pandemic), you could say that you had to move to your grandparents’ home 4 hrs away from your parents, due to family health issues during the pandemic. If you do wind up doing this, I suggest that you write it in a very simple and direct fashion, just the facts. It’s more powerful that way. If you can get your guidance counselor to mention that you had to move to your grandparents’ home 4 hrs away for 10th grade, due to family issues, that would be even better.
Write your essay about something else entirely. The best cue my youngest had was when they were asked to make a list of a few things that they really loved doing. That seemed to spark creativity. Once they looked at the list they’d written, they were able to use that as a springboard for weaving together an essay that showed a lot about them.
Thanks, my apologies, my screen must not have been refreshed.
When prompts ask these questions, they aren’t necessarily asking about adversities you have faced. Although that can be a valid response, I would encourage you to think about something else about your world/experiences that have shaped your life and/or keep things from becoming too dark.
When talking about younger siblings it seems harsh to describe their failures as ruining their lives, or seeing them at their lowest points. I don’t doubt that some serious things have occurred but what you are writing seems too dark for the task at hand.
I like these thoughts about incorporating practices and behaviors that can contribute to making one successful, while avoiding other pitfalls/things that don’t work for you. You could maybe frame it as seeing people close to you (not necessarily siblings) making poor decisions and showing how/what you have learned from that exposure.
Then you might balance this with all of the things you have taken/learned from others around you who are modeling good behaviors…surely some of those behaviors are also contributors to success, elements of which you recognized and found can work for you too. That direction seems more positive, light, and affirming than the initial gist of your proposed essay.
You’ve received sound advice here. A thought about your supplemental, one could interpret ‘the world you come from’ in so many ways that don’t only include your family of origin - think outside the box!
As a side note, it was disheartening to read you refer to your younger siblings as ‘ruining their lives’ and ‘failures.’ I know it’s hard right now to have some emotional distance from all that has transpired in your life and your family, but hopefully with time you’ll come to realize that they were really just children when this was all happening, you’re all still growing, and mistakes are a big part of the process.
I wish you luck, and hope you get into the college of your dreams!
Personally, I’m a big fan of witty and memorable. Essays about tragedies, difficult family situations and overcoming obstacles are just a giant 650 word Mad Libs where one plugs in their specific issue into the same pre-written story that 99% of everyone else tells. No matter how important the issue is to you or how deeply it impacted you, it will be forgotten before the AO finishes reading it - if they even do. I am not discounting your issue even a little. It had a dramatic effect on you and you dealt with it admirably, but it’s a story for you and your family and that’s where it should stay I think.
Strive for an essay that the AO tells their significant other about over dinner because they can’t stop thinking about how funny/creative/unique it is. Make them wish they were able to send you a personal email to tell you how amazing they thought it was - how you made them laugh out loud. Make it stick. Make it memorable. The silliest little things make for the best essays.