**Can someone please proofread my college essay?**

<p>Topic: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.</p>

<p>I walk into an Italian restaurant and place an order under my name. The brunette, blue- eyed cashier asks me, “What name is this order under?” I’d respond, “Chae. C-H-A-E” The hassle of spelling my foreign name is something I try to steer clear from, but, it has become a necessity when it comes to placing an order. I roughly wait for 15 minutes. I watch the other worker come out with my order and hesitantly pronounce my name, “Ch...ai?” My face, ears, neck redden and become a cherry tomato. I felt ashamed of the identification my parents had given me. </p>

<p>I set foot in this country with the image in my head of Hollywood stars walking around on the streets, and houses like those in Beverly Hills. What I had envisioned was completely different from what I saw. It was just like back home, but less crowded and less polluted. On the day I arrived, I had trouble ordering a basic meal due to my broken English. And on the first day of school, a white girl named Kaela struck up a conversation with me. I tried to communicate with her in the best way possible with hand gestures and my limited English. I became identified as the Korean girl. </p>

<p>My driver’s license classifies me as a 5’3” female with brown eyes and brown hair; however, this simple documentation does not define my identity at all. My friends identify me as the “white- washed” Asian kid while my family back in Korea still classify me as a native Korean. The two cultures I adapted have become my identity crisis. As time passed, I have learned to adapt to eating junk food rather than rice, to socialize with friends rather than to attend academy, to pamper myself instead of worrying about whether my hair length meets the school code or not. I am not the same person who came here in 2005. I, who used to think there was something on my face when a stranger smiled at me, now subconsciously smile at strangers as an act of kindness. To this day, I still cheer on South Korea during the World Cup with pride in my nationality. At the same time, I cheer for both United States and South Korea during the Olympics. While I was in Korea last year, I noticed my friends and family treated me as a native Korean, yet also a foreigner. The first thing they all said to me were “Say something in English”, “What are the White kids like in America?”. I would get asked if I was from America because my Korean wasn't so fluent anymore and I dressed like an “American”. I would dislike certain food because it was so bland compared to the pungent foods in United States. I felt out of place. I was a foreigner to my home country.</p>

<pre><code>Now, however, all of that is in the past. I am a permanent resident of United States, but that does not mean I will lose my Korean heritage. It does not matter what people define me as anymore. I know who I am now, I will always be me. This eternal process of going back and forth from one culture to another has helped me find my own path, and I am ready to make it the best journey ever.
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<p>Thanks in advance!</p>

<p>You might want to consider this advice from the Princeton Review:
<a href=“Businessweek - Bloomberg”>Businessweek - Bloomberg;

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<p>You’re a good writer in general, but the opening paragraph doesn’t work for me, because it’s not describing something that is unique to being of Korean heritage. Plenty of people in the US, from all ethnic backgrounds, may have names they have to spell out and that people may not know how to pronounce, and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.</p>

<p>I feel that I’ve learned you have elements of both American and Korean in you, which isn’t terribly surprising, but I don’t have a sense that I know you as a person from this essay.</p>

<p>Terrible. Your story isn’t unique. 10,000s of other immigrants are writing similar things. Most importantly this story does not portray you in the best light possible. </p>