Can someone please read the first paragraph of my cover letter and tell me how it sounds?

Parents Forum
1

Please comment/message.

Thank you!

2

Cover letter to whom? About what? Are you asking people to PM you? You need to be a lot more specific as to what you’re asking.

3

Sorry.
College student here seeking a finance internship. Looking for someone to correct the intro paragraph of my cover letter, I feel it could be more concise. I prefer to PM my paragraph.

4

I will read it.