Not sure I agree Marian. There has to be a balance between saving for college and having a life, if you have the funds to do do so. Of course most people don’t have the option at all. But I don’t think that families have to sacrifice every ounce of fun, travel or ECs for their child to go to the state flagship or other college choice. Believe me, I think parents have an obligation to save for college and pay what they can. Living below your means is absolutely the right thing to do; we drive our cars into the ground and have a mortgage well below what “they” say we could afford. And I worked too (part time) with the negatives that come with not getting to be a SAH mom.
Saving for retirement comes first. But, as a middle class family, I can’t imagine my kid’s never getting to experience sleep away camp (albeit a relatively inexpensive Y camp), playing a sport or an instrument or going away on a cheap vacation together because every dime had to go to the college fund. Luckily, we were able to do both (but not for full pay super expensive private school). There are many families that don’t have the extras after expenses to go on vacation or save for college. But for those that do, there has to be a balance between living life now and going away to college. I don’t condemn those that make choices other than what we made. Not sure that we would have been able to pay over $60K per year for the youngest to go to his top choice, even if we did nothing but save (since we had loans in the early days and salaries were much lower).
@florida26 You have a point there - it does seem that the government assumes that it is the parents’ responsibility to pay for college, regardless of where they might want their money to go. But then again, don’t you assume that it is the government’s responsibility? It is all a game of pass the buck… (pun intended)
@mom2and, we didn’t sacrifice as much as my post might had suggested because we didn’t need to. I just wanted to give examples of the kinds of sacrifices that might be necessary. My kids had music lessons and cheap, small-scale vacations, and eventually, each of them had a computer. But like you, we drove cars into the ground and lived in a modest house with a small mortgage, and I always worked at least part-time even though I strongly preferred to be a stay-at-home parent.
I don’t know how you properly balance saving for college and having a life. My husband and I did what we thought was best, and then, during my older child’s freshman year of college, my father died suddenly and left me a lot more money than I had ever realized he had. So our family made a lot of sacrifices that turned out to be unnecessary. My kids missed out on a lot of childhood experiences that they could have had, and my husband and I missed out on sharing those experiences with them.
Sometimes I regret that we didn’t do more in-the-moment things with the kids. But then I remember that it was equally possible that my dad could have had a long period of ill health at the end of his life. And if that had happened, the money he had so carefully saved would have been spent on his care, and I wouldn’t have gotten that inheritance. I would not have wanted my kids’ education to be dependent on something as unpredictable as an inheritance. And my dad, who made his own sacrifices so that my sister and I could go to college a generation earlier, would not have wanted that, either.
However, as @Cardinal Fang said, that is all water under the bridge by the time parents and kids get to the point that they are on CC asking for advice or looking for answers. What parents should have done 17 years ago or what the state legislatures should do next year is not the point of the OP.
My got good merit and need based aids from OOS public and private schools, however, they are still 20-50% more expensive than the in state flagship even after loans and work study. Fortunately, our in state flagship is a really great school and they meet the needs of in state students. Most students from other states are not as lucky.
It really depends on what state you are in. Our flagship tuition has gone WAY up in the last 10 years. It is a good deal still for those with pre-paid tuition credits but not if you were saving in another plan or are paying mostly with current income. Some of those OOS publics that give in state tuition or other high merit for known academic benchmarks can be a better deal. For both of our kids privates with a combo of scholarships and grants ended up being slightly less expensive. Because they had different academic profiles and interests we had to look at differing levels of selectivity to get the kind of package that would work. And, as someone said on another Monday morning quarterback thread, part of it is thinking in terms of what your kid has to offer a school when picking targets.
I don’t see how “higher-taxed” dual working parents would be paying for his education. If he gets financial aid, wouldn’t it be primarily from the university he attends? Plus loans and/or work/study?
In any case, the homeschooling family still pays school taxes, even though they are not sending their kids to public school. So it isn’t as though they aren’t being taxed.
Not sure what your beef is, actually. It’s all a matter of personal choice, I’m sure that family understands the trade-offs.
"Costs have risen 1200 per cent in 30 years that is hardly the fault of the student. It is most likely the fault of the greed of the one percenters We are all victims of that greed "
I’m really not getting how the 1 percenters have manipulated the cost of college to be unaffordable to the 99%. If the elite colleges agreed with the 1%, they could scheme to raise prices and keep out all but their own kind, but instead the highest of high colleges do the opposite and try to provide financial aid to let everyone in. Back in the 1900s, that what happened, only the rich went to college, a few middle class kids could go to the public schools or night schools, and many others had no opportunities. Now, I think all have an opportunity to go, but don’t like their options. They don’t want to go to community college, or they want to major in a sub-specialty that not every college offers. Too picky. Doctors majored in medicine, not a specialty until they are a resident. Lawyers go to law school, not tax school or patent school until they specialize much later in their education. Every kid can’t have his exact customized major of game design or music therapy, but I bet most public colleges in most states have some major that would work for the desired career - programing or art or music or education, combined with some experience. If you can afford more, great, go to the best school you can get into and can afford, but don’t claim there are NO options.
I do think most kids (and families) expect too much from the schools and government. Pick affordable colleges. Perfect fit? Ours weren’t until we made them the perfect fit, overlooked the flaws, found the hidden gems. Buy the t-shirt, love the school you can afford. Take every opportunity that school offers - honors, ROTC, study abroad, tuition exchange with another state.
@gearmom, yeah, you could look at it that way. I’m not sure what GMT’s problem is. He/she doesn’t consider raising kids honourable work since it ain’t taxable?
It is very honorable work and I don’t think most people dispute that. Your closing sentence is a sentiment that many people - even those who sacrificed income possibilities to stay home with kids - might have trouble getting behind
“But my parents have already sacrificed a lot of money for our education. Am I supposed to expect my parents to pay for college too?”
Everyone makes trade offs that have benefits and costs. It’s great that you received a large merit award but the tone that it was deserved because your parents gave up income rather than earned likely doesn’t sit well with those who sacrificed time with kids to work, paid higher taxes based on that work, and now might pay higher tuition based on that income.
@albert69 It doesn’t makes sense to me either. This assumes that they are making more money than your single income home.And in many military families one parent can’t work because they move so much and sometimes have to homeschool. Apparently we have some anti-homeschoolers. You never said a word about the govrrnment paying for you. I thought it was nice what you wrote.
Until @albert69 later acknowledged that his scholarshop was a merit one, his previous post implied that he should be entitled to more financial assistance because his mother chose not to work. “Choosing” not to work is not an option for many (most?) families.
@GMTplus7, I see, but I disagree that my mother chose not to work. She took over the job of educating us, K-12, and like @Trisherella pointed out, we were still taxed the same as everyone else for public school. I suppose that isn’t work because you can’t tax her income from it in your book, though.
@saintfan Albert is simply saying that he wanted to pay for school himself and not burden his parents and that he appreciated his mom. I can’t believe that he is being raked over the coals. He’s not taking one penny from the government. Do all wealthier people get to complain? Are you sure that all dual income families are making more and contributing more? When I stayed home when our kds were little, our single salary was well in the six figures. Do we get to complain about other families who paid a smaller share in taxes than our family? And we are not taking a penny from the government either, not even a Stafford loan.
@GMTplus7 so let me get this straight are you upset that the one percenters and corps by paying their fair share of taxes for education wont allow for four vacation homes and 2 Ferraris in every garage. How awful. It is truly disgusting