I would not be surprised if many of these situations came about because the parents and the student did not have an honest talk about college cost constraints before the college application list was made. Then April of senior year comes and all of the choices are too expensive…
I do know someone who brings it up a lot (homeschool and lost income) among other things but I am not going to tag or call the person out and kick another hornet’s nest. At any rate, it is not a pet bone to pick for me but people seem to have latched on to it. I do want add that my point has nothing to do with resenting need based aid. I don’t. My point is and has been that families will hopefully look at their circumstances as institutions will and not get caviar dreams without a viable plan to cover the cost (be it savings, income, merit aid, need based aid or a rich uncle).
Thanks, washu.
@saintfan You would have to understand my sister to understand what happened. My parents did tell her that they couldn’t afford those schools. She was stubborn and applied anyway. That wouldn’t have been that big of an issue if she had applied to more realistic schools in addition to them, but she wouldn’t hear of that. Literally, she would not apply to safeties. She was an NMS and my mom knew she could have found colleges that gave good scholarships that my parents may have been able to afford or at least work out some deal with small loans or work-study or something, but she wouldn’t look at state universities because she felt they were beneath her.
But that is less of a story about colleges than it is about my sister. She had some serious issues with entitlement (not just regarding colleges, it was far more than that) that eventually severed her from our family. No one could reason with her. I do not blame my parents for the college dilemma because they made it clear that things would not work out financially for the schools she insisted on and suggested other options. But she wouldn’t listen or search out alternative options. My parents talked. She didn’t listen.
Re: #163
It looks like both your parents and you did the right thing – they told you beforehand what the cost limits were, and you made your application list with that in mind, so that you will be going to an affordable school. It looks like your sister failed to take appropriate action despite advance warning.
For those now at this juncture, where “heartbreak” may be looming, there are some good tips in this column (“A College Financial Aid Guide for Families Who Have Saved Nothing”) that was written in reaction to a much-discussed New York Times “Motherlode” blog post (“Instead of Saving for College, We Invested in Our Kids”) from last fall:
Check out the “recommended” comments section as well, as there was some good advice in there.
(BTW, the mom from the blog post did home school her oldest for several years. I actually thought of her story when reading @saintfan’s posts).
@ucbalumnus True, and I also have another sister who was like the polar opposite of the “hafta go to Harvard” attitude (more like “do I want to go to college? I guess I’ll try it…”) to learn from too. She did the whole start at community college then transfer to State U (all commuting) thing. My parents did help her a lot with school (but certainly not sticker Ivy League money), and she had a partial scholarship.
Wow, I’m still reading every one of the posts and am amazed by the twists and turns of this thread. I love ALL the comments.
“I got into my dream school but can’t afford it.”
-I never understood why some are applying where they cannot afford to attend. What is the reason? It is not possible that young person is soo inflexible, it feels like great brainwash done to a kid to make sure that only one place is a dream. Don’t they understand one truth - the experiences at college and beoynd will depend on a student and not the place. So, have a list of affordable places where you have a high chance to get accepted and a great chance of being happy for the 4 most important years of your life and have an attitude: “I will do fine anywhere”. Those who did, succeeded.
They don’t know what their aid amount will be until they are accepted. Lots of people who don’t have large family resources for college apply widely. Often they discover that their aid amounts vary considerably.
Some apply to schools aiming for competitive merit scholarships that will make them affordable. Of course, they need to consider that admission without the needed scholarship is equivalent to rejection in this case.
“Of course, they need to consider that admission without the needed scholarship is equivalent to rejection in this case.” - Exactly! Some just tend to forget the initial purpose of applying to some places, so no emotions should be attached to this decision.
However, to avoid completely all these drama, isn’t it better to research beforehand and compile the list that includes only colleges that family can afford?
I did it, it took me 2 years, I used ALL resources, including word of mouth - the most valuable, all kind of information sessions and somewhat internet (not much available there though, you need to consider details and stats of your kid’s application). At the end, my spreadsheet was so detailed and complete that when I presented it to my D., she was just very happy to use it, while she refused to listen to GS or anybody else, including any of her peers. As a result of great matching between my D’s application/her criteria list and the list of colleges that she applyed, she ended up attending at the college that was a perfect fit for her , matched all of her criteria, opened doors to many opportunities that we did not anticipated from the single place and as an icing on the cake - she attended there on the full tuition Merit award.
Do not leave it for the chances, research deeply, internet is NOT the only source, and it is by far NOT the best source. You may avoid lots of drama in your life and make the college application process enjoyable family process, the one that brings smiles to our faces. I am smiling right now, it was fun, I will never forget details, while D’s process was much more complicated than most others’ included many interviews, out of town trips. She was applying to very selective bs/md programs and acceptance to such a program was her top criteria, scholarships were just an icing on the cake.
NO, NO, NO. As others have said above, the “sticker price” often has nothing to do with the drive out price, as you well know Miami, since your dau won a merit scholarship. I always advise my clients to not rule out a school because of the sticker price, but to carefully explore the potential institutional merit awards, apply for as many as they qualify for and wait on decisions until the results are in. One of my clients just got a full tuition scholarship plus additional merit money from their first choice school, which, prior to that award, was the most expensive on their list. So yes, do your research (or more accurately, have your CHILD own the process and do the research- this is not the parents role), and be careful what advice you follow from reading on the internet, as clearly there can be some bad advice being offered.
No one of us holds the magic formula, DAP, that’s why many threads turn into discussions.
@jym626 - exactly. My daughter applied to a $47,000 a year school in 2007 - and with aid, her costs ended up being closer to $7000 a year.
We have one school which is quite expensive, but when I ran the NPC, it came in with a very favorable number. (Of course, we’re still waiting for the FA packet from them! We know she got a competitive merit scholarship because she’s already received that. She called but they said that as soon as a competitive merit scholarship is awarded, that letter gets sent out.
I think it is somewhere between ‘shoot for the moon’ and ‘don’t even try.’ Sure, try for the $50k school IF you have run the NPC, if you can see on the website that merit is awarded for your gpa/scores, if the school lists scholarships for which you are qualified. Don’t just apply to UMich or Williams because, well, you never know and you heard that Mary’s cousin’s boyfriend got in and got a lot of money.
At first glance my daughter’s school was well out of reach, but with a little research we learned about the merit money available, the state grant, her merit grant, another source of money, and it made it affordable to apply with a realistic hope that we could afford it. However, if the big merit money didn’t come through then we couldn’t afford it. We could see the money was there, we didn’t just hope it was there.
There was an article online this week and the FA director from Oregon was quoted. He said there are still way too many parents who let their kids apply to schools ‘hoping’ something will happen and the money will appear, especially OOS families. He said it doesn’t appear, and that either the student is crushed or that the family will borrow way too much and the student has to leave school because the family can’t borrow more.
Our EFC is about 12 k more per year than net price calculators indicated. I know other families have had similar results. So, even with research and planning, the finance do not always work out as anticipated.
I have already contacted schools to see if I made mistakes along the way but it is still being looked into.
Did you apply to a FAFSA or Profile school, MidwestSalmon? It will change the result.
As for targeting schools, there are some with guaranteed scholarship money, and many with scholarships that are either awarded spontaneously or have an application process. Those of course are less certain, but worth pursuing. Any good application process should have the mix of academic as well as financial likely, match and reach schools.
Personally we’ve found it’s pretty difficult to try and explain to #3 kid that he shouldn’t look at schools with higher price tags (and honestly, in the Northeast, they are all pretty high. Even flagship state schools come in at 25K+). We definitely were hoping that merit scholarships could tip the scales to make some of the 45-60K+ colleges affordable/doable. Sadly, it worked out for some, but completely closed the doors for others, regardless of how much his interest was in them. And you don’t know that until after you’ve been admitted and your package arrives. The site calculators are not always spot on. And some schools surprise you, in both directions.
It’s reality and it does hurt as a parent to have been able to afford xyz for the first two kids, and then have to tell the third, sorry.
It’s also hard reading some of the comments in this thread. It might be good for folks to try to imagine some different scenarios (walk in others’ shoes), rather than blaming the parents or “entitled” kids. To those with supportive posts, thank you. Sorry if this sounds negative, I don’t mean it to be, but we are definitely walking this line right now and it’s awful. And his financial safety, zero interest.