Interesting turn in the conversation. I lived in the same dorms as @millie210 and, I’m stunned by how many colleges require students to keep the doors to their rooms shut at all times - even when they’re inside and just seated at their desks.
Hi, I get that it works for most people, but do you think this may be a factor in the rise of anxiety on campus? I mean, if you don’t even feel like you can relax in the bathroom (particularly for girls who are modest) where can you relax?
This has all been going on for many decades, it’s just getting more common. I recall back in the '80’s and '90’s some colleges had no-stall coed showers. Private stalls were just coming into vogue as a perk for newer bathrooms, but the old “gym” (or now maybe prison) setup of a wall with a bunch of shower heads was more common and some places made them coed. Some schools gave students a choice of open coed or private stalls depending on which wing or floor you went to but it was a badge of honor for many to prove they were comfortable in the coed showers.
Gender neutral bathrooms are the trend now. We’ve seen them at more and more of the schools we’ve toured and it’s starting to show up in the workplace here in NYC, SF and LA as well – could be elsewhere but those are the markets I’m the most familiar with.
@ccprofandmomof2 no. Just no.
@ccprofandmomof2 I doubt it. Even back in the olden days of single-sex dorms, male visitors were still in the bathrooms. Personally, I think the rise of anxiety on campus has more to do with increased expectations of perfection. But that’s a topic for another thread.
But going back to the point that numerous posters have made throughout this thread — if it causes you anxiety to be in a coed dorm or floor then there are options at almost every school to suit your needs and preferences. This coed bathroom thing is really a non-issue. You don’t have to be in a coed living situation if you don’t want to be.
Sorry was on mobile where it’s hard to type. Let me expand on my “no.”
The vast majority of students do not have co-ed bathrooms. Of those who do, most get used to it within a day or two.
If you’re a “[woman] who is modest” you can always get dressed in the shower stall and just not look at other people who happen to be in the bathroom. There, all fixed.
There are a lot of reasons that students have higher anxiety now. One is that we’ve gotten better about recognizing and addressing anxiety. Two is (IMO) the extreme helicoptering of parents that happens now more than even a few years ago when I was an undergrad. Three is that there’s way more pressure to graduate with a high GPA now as opposed to “just” a degree. The list goes on but you get the idea.
The idea that anxiety rates have skyrocketed due to a handful of women being uncomfortable with their co-ed bathroom is laughable.
I went to college in the mid-80s and my own dorm was definitely coed by room, and I lucked out as it was a very sought after dorm. There was a women-only dorm available, but my college had been a Seven Sister before going coed, so that made sense. There was no men’s-only dorm, but there were some dorms with floors/wings for each gender.
My kid’s college floor has gender neutral bathrooms (usually just one shower, toilet and sink tho) and “gang” bathrooms which are gender specific. At least in the 3 of her dorms I have seen there. They recently put “gender neutral” signs on all single bathrooms throughout campus (academic, theater, etc) to make it clear that anyone could use any one of them.
I think this is the type of thing that student governments, residential life offices and individual floors/wings decide on, and that is, IMO, as it should be.
I hope we have settled for the OP this really isn’t going to be a problem. There will be options.
For those who seem to me to view it as a college culture war of some sort, there were coed bathroom options at my southern state flagship in 1974. It was not a new thing that year and I can’t remember anyone ever calling my college progressive or liberal. I am sure coed bathrooms predate the mid-70s. This is not a new phenomenon. It’s been going on 42 to 45 years at least. It may not be a part of campus culture you care for, but it seems to me pretty common and traditional campus culture by this point in time, even if you don’t find coed bathrooms at all colleges.
I have no strong feelings one way or another about coed bathrooms. These days misinformation does bother me.
“Females who had an ID to swipe into the bathroom”
Interesting. I’ve never heard of that before but my kids went to small schools. I don’t think they would have been keen on carrying the ID with them everywhere.
“I’m stunned by how many colleges require students to keep the doors to their rooms shut at all times - even when they’re inside and just seated at their desks.”
My understanding is this can be due to local fire codes, at least it was at one school I know of.
That’s sort of sad to think of. My daughter spent her freshman year on a little hallway where there were five singles (and one single-user bathroom designated for women; men had to walk through a common area to another little hallway off of it). Anyway, when my daughter and the woman across the hall from her had their doors open, they were roommates; when they closed their doors they had privacy. The doors were open more than they were closed. The friendship didn’t last much beyond that year, but it would have been a lot more lonely for both of them if the doors couldn’t be left open.
My son’s House was one of the few not yet remodeled. Even so, not far from the coed bath, there was a single bathroom. He nonchalantly showed it to me when I was visiting, so I would be comfortable, and probably make the other students more comfortable. My son had his own bathroom at home, but he seemed to adjust.
I toured them and the shower stalls OP was referring to were not very private. As an adult female, I wouldn’t shower next to my brother in them.
Apparently not all universities implement the policies as stated.
"Administrators won’t enforce the results of floor-by-floor elections to determine whether dorm bathrooms will remain gendered, leaving students uncertain about which restrooms are gender-neutral.
Administrators instructed resident advisers to hold elections at the start of the fall semester in select residence halls—Broadway, Schapiro, Wien, Carlton Arms, Harmony, and most floors in Furnald. Advocates have pressed for an alternative to gendered bathrooms for trans and gender-nonconforming students, while some students have voiced concerns about gender-neutral bathrooms on the basis of religion.
Director of Residential Life Tara Hanna said that administrators decided not to enforce the results of elections following pushback from some students. She added that Residential Life is looking to create a new model for implementing this policy in the future."
The election by floor after move in seems to be the worst way to handle student preferences in this matter.
Why would colleges do this instead of asking student preference before room assignment and assigning rooms accordingly?
What if someone’s preference changes after the form is sent in? What if mom fills out the form and sends it in?
“What if someone’s preference changes after the form is sent in? What if mom fills out the form and sends it in?”
Then you deal with the choice you made.
Because there are dozens of other, more important variables that go into room assignments, and it’s a tremendous PITA to try to solve for the optimal solution for all of them, and the last thing they need is another key variable to solve for, and there’s no guarantee that preferences will magically match up with available physical plant? And because experience shows that few if any students care after a week or so?
You’re not the only one uncomfortable. If that were my daughter, I would tell her a big fat NO to that school. Fortunately, those kinds of dorms seem to be the exception rather than the rule. Most schools have alternating men/women on each floor, so bathrooms are not shared by the opposite sex.
We had a coed bathroom in my dorm in 1983 believe it or not.