I suspect most colleges allow students to choose how to handle the bathroom situation. On one of the (many) threads on this topic, I described one son’s hall where the female students claimed one bathroom for themselves, telling the males they were too messy. The males respected that decision by the females, except perhaps sneaking into the female bathroom on the weekends when it got really messey in the male one - as described to me by son.
I always wondered if modesty may have been an issue as well as messiness, and I certainly don’t know if the males were actually more messy.
I really don’t believe mixed gender bathrooms are some sort of nefarious PC plot against our kids. If your kid has difficulty with the set-up, I imagine his/her hallmates will be accomodating if your kid just asks politely. jmho
You really think so many colleges would be doing it if it was a problem or if even a good fraction of students didn’t like it? It’s not an “experiential envelope”. My university did it in the 80s.
I think it is misguided to assume the preferences of parents in their 40s, 50s, 60s meshes with the preferences of college aged students. However, bottom line, there are options for those who don’t like it. Take advantage of that if it something a student wants. Usually those options are under-requested so shouldn’t be an issue getting placed there. That is telling.
A lot of kids I know going off to college have been on mission trips, stayed in youth hostels, done wilderness camping. They just aren’t all that squeamish about bathrooms. Is this lack of squeamishness just an upper middle class reaction? I wonder.
^you know this may sum up the major difference in our world views.
I do believe when you ask politely, folks do their best to help you out. That has been my experience of the world. I understand I’ve been very privileged that is my experience.
I think the group decision on one son’s hall with regard to mixed gender bathrooms is probably an example of that in practice. The males accomodated the females when asked. Except sometimes on the weekends.
Single gender floors are not always single gender once kids start having boyfriends or girlfriends spend the night. My son at Tufts had male and female wings on the floors and from what I could tell mostly used the bathrooms assigned to their sex, but I can’t guarantee if someone was in the wrong wing for their gender that they didn’t occasionally just use the most convenient bathroom.
I have to admit this never came up during the college search process, so, I asked my son what his dorm was like. Answer: coed floor, single gender bathrooms, halls with towel clad students. Not sure all the dorms are the same though. I’d expect not. Choice is good.
In many places where the dorm bathrooms are co-ed, it is the students who agreed to make them co-ed usually because the alternative is a long walk for one of the sexes. And in dorms, it’s basically only the students that are using them
In non-residential buildings, the restrooms are used by more than students, and the mens’ and ladies’ room are generally next to each other, or fairly close together. Additionally, most every campus has at least one 95 year old professor who as it is thinks that the current student population are what’s sending the world to hell in a handcart, and would probably keel over if he walked into the restroom and saw a female coming out of the stall.
Well, if it’s found anywhere, Simon’s Rock would be a place that would not surprise me.
@momofthreeboys . Should they go ahead and re-institute curfews for visiting the wing of the opposite genders as well?
This needs to be what works for students. The opinion of the parents is irrelevant and should play no role in the proces.
I’m pretty sure that have different genders in adjoining room has been a thing in colleges since the 1970s. At my LAC, after freshman year students picked their own room in the room lottery so I always had neighbors off the opposite gender.
For 3 of my 4 year, our bathroom system was simple. Between 7-10 AM, bathrooms were single gender and the rest of the day they used a “knock and enter” system. If you were in there and someone knocked you either said your gender or “come in” It worked fine and there were no issues.
My senior year I was in a small subsection of the dorm with 5 other students. We made the bathroom co-ed and it worked well for everyone involved.
The locker rooms in the rec centers aren’t co-ed (especially in NC). I was just on a college campus and all the public rest rooms were still assigned to males or females, and there might have been a few ‘family’ ones tossed in too.
I think most new construction on dorms is suite style, so the bathrooms are controlled by the occupants. I think the problem in the old style dorms is they weren’t designed with a great deal of privacy. The bathrooms at Smith were all one room with 4 sinks along a wall, 4 showers opposite those, and 4 toilet stalls on the side with 3/4 doors. Very little privacy, not even as much as in a public restroom. I didn’t like it.
At my daughter’s school with a variety of single sex floors or wings and come co-ed, there were hallway bathrooms (single sex) but they were locked. No one could just use the bathrooms. Sure, someone could let you in with their key, but most just used the bathroom assigned. I don’t even know if her card unlocked the female bathrooms on other floors.
So it looks like this is nothing new. Geez, I need some time to get comfortable with the image of college age girls and boys stepping out of the shower a couple feet from each other with just a towel on them. I’m aware that most schools these days have co-ed dorms on each floor, but I thought there’d be separate men’s room and ladies room in the hallway.
Two things… I lived in a dorm for 2 years where it was not technically permitted. AFAIK, we never had an issue, but students did mingle.
And we saw a lot less than towels in some dorms. I was visiting a women only dorm, back when the only phone for the floor was at the end of the hall… Women came out in all kinds of dress, or undress, to run to the phone - knowing that men could be on the floor.
Point is, I don’t know how much it matters. But I can see some folks who would be really uneasy with the situation.
I don’t understand why the parent’s comfort or discomfort matters. I understand that if you’re paying, you can technically withhold funds until a dorm situation meets your needs but really, it is the student who has to live there. It’s their comfort that is most important.
Because it is the Parent’s Forum perhaps and one of the benefits to the Parents Forum is hearing different POVs. But yes parents should listen to their kids. Mine were all pretty forthcoming in a round about way about what kind of living arrangements they preferred for that one year of their lives.
“Pointing out that they have their secret reasons isnt terribly helpful.”
Not secret. Mentioned on the thread and disregarded. Like the fact that dorm bathrooms are used almost exclusively by college-age students, but academic building bathrooms are used by students, faculty, staff, visitors, and returning adult students with different needs and expectations.
There are students whose experience sharing bathrooms with everyone contributes to the homey feeling of the dorm and sisterhood/brotherhood across gender lines. (I was one who craved male buddies after two years at a women’s college.) Single-use bathrooms for gender non-conforming people isolate them. (If all the girls are getting ready for a formal together, anyone who is doing a hairstyle and makeup may want to be part of that crowd.) It’s not for everyone, and it’s a reasonable thing to research if your student has strong preferences. But declaring that there ARE no reasons is telling people who prefer this setup that they aren’t worth listening to.
My son has a co-ed hall with gender-neutral bathrooms, and it works out fine. However, I do think some common sense could be used. Last year when he moved in, my son’s roommate decided to take an insanely long, hot shower right in the middle of the move-in in the only bathroom available on the floor for parents. The shower stall (thin curtain) was right in front of the bathroom, and one had to pass him on the way to the toilets. The room was fogged up and it was miserable. I thought and still think that he was a jerk.
Point being, I’d never expect others to accommodate anyone, particularly on a regular basis. Nice if it happens, but not to be expected with regard to something so important and such a part of everyone’s day.
Interesting how perspective impacts the reading of the thread. I read the thread and think that the reason it just keeps on going is bc those who have no problem with it seem to imply only parents would ever have an issue with it or kids who do will either get over it quickly or need to get over it bc opposite gendered students will be using their bathrooms anyway bc of location.
There are students who do have an issue with it and declaring (not you) that there are no valid reasons for having a problem with it equally implies that they aren’t worth listening to.
The fact that parents are uninformed about the issue makes me think that a lot of kids aren’t aware beforehand, either. For an issue so personal, it is a good topic for discussion and awareness before selecting a living situation.
They may not particularly want coed bathrooms, or gang bathrooms in general, but such a preference is overridden by the desire to have coed floors/wings. Back when I was in college decades ago, coed dorms had a preference survey asking (among other things) if the student wanted a coed floor (noting that coed floors had coed bathrooms) or single-gender floors; these preference surveys were used to assign rooms and roommates. Student demand was such that most of the floors were made coed (with only one single-gender floor of each gender); the single-gender floors also had many of the students who marked “don’t care”.
As an aside, why don’t colleges whose dorms have one gang bathroom per floor do it this way? I.e. make some of the floors single-gender and others coed, based on the number of students choosing each option (with the coed bathrooms in coed floors disclosed beforehand). That way, students are not likely to be “involuntarily” placed in a dorm floor with a coed bathroom.
@Mom2aphysicsgeek What you neglected to recap in your post that many of us have pointed out - repeatedly - that the majority of campuses DO offer an option for students. Colleges do recognize that students come from a variety of backgrounds and may not want coed arrangements for religious, cultural or personal preference reasons. There are options out there.
