Would you be okay letting him choose after you explain to him the money’s dedicated to him, either now or later?
You could tell your kid that the money is an investment in him, but it’s not “elastic” - there’s a fixed amount and that’s it. So, if you can spend 260K on him, he’s free to use them for undergrad, or for med school, or to start a business, or an MBA later on, but if he uses the money now he’ll have to pay for med school himself. (Of course, if he doesn’t end up going to med school, the money’s still him to invest in whatever ?)
Also, if he goes to UDel, he can take unpaid internships anywhere, you can pay for Spring Breaks anywhere, he can easily study abroad for a semester and study “away” for a semester, etc.
(Note that PHDs are typically funded - unfunded PHDs are not worth going to, so if he was thinking of MD/PHD the matter’s different.)
It is a hard decision when you can afford both. However, it just makes sense to take the less expensive quality offer and have the resources to continue to help him throughout his graduate education. Because even if that is funded there are still going to be living expenses, cars, cell phones, etc. to pay for.
@happymomof1 I have to admit that I also did a bit of a “happy dance” when my daughter received one particular reject in almost exactly the same circumstances 
@MYOS1634 - you stated your position far better than I (especially given my typos! Eek!), but that was what we did with our ds.
I think the challenge in these situations is the backlash/reaction that you get from other people about turning down the Ivy/Elite. We have friends whose ds was accepted to Stanford but chose the McDermott Scholars program at UTDallas instead. There was a lot of, “I can’t believe he turned down Stanford,” comments that went around. His parents did what we did and let their ds choose stating that the more expensive choice of Stanford at full-pay would use up all the funds. He has done quite well at UTDallas and has gotten a couple of great summer internships. Interestingly, the parents are funding his study abroad this semester at Oxford. The UTDallas UK offering wasn’t to their liking, so (b/c the parents are paying nothing at UTDallas), they offered to fund Oxford. We were at dinner one night when the Dad said, “I said to him, which would you rather tell people - that you went to Oxford or to __________ (whatever UK univ UTDallas uses for study abroad - idk)?” Which was interesting, since most would make that same query about Stanford v. UTDallas.
@CDK - Most of the populace has no idea that Ivies/elites do not offer any merit money. So the assumption is that your kid is getting scholarships to go there and that’s why your crazy to turn it down. Of course, when you then explain that you are full-freight and the cost is between $65,000 - $70,000 per year, then you are labeled crazy for paying that! It’s definitely a more painful decision when the choices are free v. Full-freight.
@Hoggirl, I respectfully disagree that most people assume kids are getting scholarships to go to Ivies/elites. I think the reason people think kids are crazy to turn down an Ivy admission is because of the prestige factor.
If your student is ambitious, able, and balanced enough to be accepted at those schools, no matter where they go, acadenic success awaits. But debt? Debt sucks. What if one of you has a catastrophic illness? What if te career plans change? Would you want a second mortgage amount of debt then? Of course not! WE have tons of UDel friends and students and they LOVE it there. Ivy, schmivy. When he’s 30 and buying a house instead of loan installments, it will feel so good
It comes down to grad school for us. If it’s Wharton vs scholarship and the pay potential is high with undergrad, then pay for Penn. If law school or med school is a probability, save the money. I’ve also read GPA and LSAT/MCAT matter more than pedigree of undergrad. For us, D is undecided on major but grad school is strong probability so undergrad costs matter more if she wants us to contribute.
I don’t go with the straight $280,000 compounded for 40 years. If you are taking loans it’s easy advice to take the merit aid. If you can afford it, even if it pinches lifestyle a little, it’s a tougher choice. I’m not worried about handing my kids an inheritance. If I set them up for success without hurting my own retirement, then I’m content.
If he is set on pre-med, it would be a lot easier to have a high gpa at Delaware, and no one will care about your undergrad. If he ends up in engineering, I would probably choose Penn.
If he is someone who naturally gets involved in lots of things, Penn presents endless opportunities. If not, Delaware.
If he likes being the big fish, Delaware. If he prefers being in school of big fish, Penn.
There is a lot to consider.
Don’t the comments here suggest that no kid should go to a top tier school unless they are getting financial aid? Most kids that are competitive for Penn or HYPS, would get an offer similar to this kid’s at their state flagship. Why, then, are applications so incredibly high at those colleges? Virtually all of the full pay kids are leaving money on the table at other colleges.
Not saying I disagree with everyone. If this kid is definitely interested in med school, I would say U Del all the way, as it it might be a bit easier to get top grades. But in other circumstance, Penn might be worth the money (assuming the family has it to spend).
@lauriejgs - Oh, I agree. But, I do think people outside of CC or who haven’t had kids in college recently have NO idea about the potential cost differentials. I think this feeds into the incredulity of turning down the Ivy/Elite because of prestige. People can’t believe you would turn it down because of the prestige, BUT they are unaware of how expensive it is if one is full pay.
If one qualifies for FA, there may be no cost differential. The Ivy/Elite may even be less expensive than in-state flagship. I have a friend in VA whose dd was able to go to Stanford for less than UVA, as an example.
Believe me, I have had many people question our choosing to spend so much on ds’s undergraduate education. But to each his own. I have friends who help their kids buy houses, and I would never do that.
I’m with you, @Hoggirl. There are people in my town who own homes far more expensive than ours, and take many more and pricier vacations than we do, and they are looking for bargains. We’ve chosen to prioritize choice in education for our children because we don’t believe that college is always (or ever) about looking for a bargain. We believe there are intangibles on certain campuses that make a real difference to our children, and we’re willing to pay for it. I’m well aware that some people probably think we’re crazy.
@lauriejgs - SAME! 
My kid is attending Penn (Fine Arts major; wants to do animation), but we’re paying peanuts for him to attend because of high need. He was looking for one affordable college, and he’d have taken another college in a heartbeat if it had been more affordable and offered a gap year. I truly think UDel sounds like a great deal. Think of all the money he could use for grad school.
Lots of great posts. I tend to lean toward Delaware and taking the $120,000 scholarship. I think he is going to visit Delaware and meet with the chairwoman of bioengineering (who came from Penn!!) and some faculty and tour the facilities, and may do the same at Penn. When he thinks of the uses of the money he would save (semesters abroad, graduate/medical school, car, travel, etc etc), I think he will pick Delaware.
I have not read the entire thread, but it really depends on your situation. If Penn is not financially realistic, then Delaware is the obvious choice. If u can manage Penn, then it’s totally different. As at least one other poster pointed out, many, many ivy students turned down full rides at their state schools or other generous NMF schools. The reason is the experience is completely different. Even if the ultimate jobs end up similar, college will not be. A big part of it is the big fish -small fish thing. My son, for example, did not want to be the big fish. It was his most consistent preference when looking at schools. Yes, there are honors programs and they offer awesome perks, but you are still the big fish. So, we opted for full pay at any ivy instead. It’s definitely not easy, but he is really in the perfect place, for him. That said, most kids end up being happy wherever they go, so do what is best for the family. Good luck with a tough decision!
Our family was in the same boat … son was accepted to Penn (Wharton) no financial need …and to Temple Honors/Business Honors given full tuition scholarship and the works…
After extensive conversations with people in the industry- he elected to attend Wharton as the jobs in business/ consulting finance just aren’t available to Temple grads.
I tell you this all bc we learned that MANY Penn engineering grads end up at those SAME Investment Banks/financial industry firms despite their engineering degree … the IB’s/ finance/ business community recruits heavily we are told from Penn (and it doesn’t matter what the degree is in) if your son has any inkling that could be where he’d like to end up …then Penn will open doors that UDel cannot open.
Perhaps Penn could also open more Engineering doors- but we just concentrated on business info. Also completely different vibe U Del vs Penn campus students etc… Del was too rural for my son He was surprised that Del was so rural… I’d say try to make sure he does an overnight on both campuses to check vibe
My daughter has 2 older friends that both made odd choices with college apps (thought lottery schools were going to work out basically) and both ended up at UDel even though it was originally at the bottom of their lists. They both absolutely love it there both academically and socially. The pictures I have seen from the parents are amazing. It looks like a beautiful campus with very involved students. Honors kids get lots of respect but don’t seem to feel out of sync with lesser achieving peers. If my child was in love with Penn that would be one thing but if it’s even close to the same UDel is a great choice.
This is the part that gives me pause.
If money were not an issue for you and your family, I would say let your son pick whatever option he feels most comfortable with, but it’s hard to tell how much of a stretch this is.
He’s being offered something from Delaware that few students receive; this isn’t just your run-of-the-mill “honors” option. And just because lots of families choose to be full pay at Penn (or another Ivy) rather than take the big merit package at another school doesn’t mean it’s the right choice for your family. I know lots of families like that too, but $240,000 was nothing to them. Many others are receiving FA packages that actually make the Ivy the most affordable option (or the clear best overall value).
UDel’s strongest program is arguably chemical engineering–it’s top rated. Consider that before you walk away from the offer. Either way, he’s going to be very successful.
I went to Penn myself back in the day and I know many graduates from both schools. The truly exceptional ones, from either school, have done very well in life. I also have a friend who was rejected by Penn and ended up in business school at Temple, and he’s VERY successful today. (Net worth: $20M+)
@CDK, my daughter is in a similar situation. Premed but with different schools. Stanford(full pay) vs Emory Woodruff scholar(full ride). Stanford has been her dream school but she also likes Emory having visited the school recently. We can afford Stanford now but like you said we won’t be able fund her Med school. Very conflicted.
@hapymom: if your daughter is among the 3/4 students who discover other passions while in college and stop thinking about med school, will she regret not going to Stanford? Or is she the kid who has cross sections of a brain stem sketched out in her notebook and a fake skeleton she can name all the parts of?