Hi! I wrote an essay for school about how going on a backpacking trip helped me deal with moving to a different country. However, my counselor and parents are concerned that it’s too flowery/descriptive and “personal”. They are encouraging me to write more factually about how I have lived abroad. However, this was a few years ago. Also, whenever I try to write about this, it does not sound natural. I want to be authentic and unique in my essay, and I don’t want to be cliché or too try-hard. Any advice? Thank you so much! 
If you haven’t done so already, google Hack the College Essay, and read it online. It is short, interesting, and very helpful in showing how and why to avoid the flowery/SAT vocabulary-ish essay. It includes some good, non-intimidating examples that show how students have changed a formal/boring essay into one that admissions officers would actually be interested in reading.
It really helped my daughter write an essay that showed who she was. Worked–12 out of 12 acceptances!
Thank you so much!
Try writing about something else. Sometimes you have to try various different things or subjects to get what you are looking for.
Read the advice to other kids who posed essay questions in the forum. A lot aren’t telling what level of colleges, so we dont know how important the essay is. But in general, it’s meant to show the adcoms the qualities they want in the class. It’s not like a high school writing assignment about yourself. Nor is 'authentic’about whatever writing style you personally like best (no, not too flowery,) or overwhemingly about your internal/personal reactions to new sights or lengthy descriptions of surroundings.
Think about a first paragraph describing the challenge. Second relates your turnaround. Last “shows” how these changes manifested some new boldness, activity or good you do, with examples. But remember, this is for your college admit review. Not a remembrance, travelogue, or letter to a friend, with every detail.