<p>If the civil authorities dealt with the rape and the rapist was convicted, the college wouldn’t have to expel the criminal. He wouldn’t be able to attend classes because he’d be in prison where he belonged.</p>
<p>I had a close friend who was date-raped in college. We (me and her other close friends) tried to convince her to report it to the police, but she kept saying, “Maybe I didn’t say ‘no’ loudly enough” and things like that. It just wrung my heart. The guy never did get arrested, charged, or anything else.</p>
<p>TwistedxKiss, I’m so sorry to hear about your experience and the horrible reaction from your friends. :(</p>
<p>I had 8 roommates during my college years (early 80’s). Three of them (that I know of) experienced date rape. (One girl ended up dropping out of school/depressed, one shrugged it off as just “stupid” and it didn’t seem to affect her. The third had some issues for awhile.) I believe the 1/5 stats.</p>
<p>In all cases, alcohol was involved. And poor judgment–drinking then letting the guy come back to room/apartment or going back to his place with him. None of the girls reported the rapes. They were embarrassed and didn’t want anyone to know about it.
They felt guilty and stupid for putting themselves in a risky situation.</p>
<p>The rapists were other students, (two of them were college athletes–and IMO, these were guys who had a lot of girls, and weren’t used to hearing “No.”) I honestly don’t believe any of them set out to “find someone to rape.” They weren’t psychopaths. The girls admitted to giving mixed signals–they seemed to be available and willing partners at first. I hope girls will be smart about the kind of situations they get into–especially if they are drinking. </p>
<p>D heard that a guy was expelled from her college last year for date rape. The girl is still there. I believe she didn’t want to report to police–she didn’t want people to find out. But the school was involved. (People know it happened, but they don’t know who the victim was). </p>
<p>I think the idea of having to repeat the story over and over to strangers or in court, reliving the traumatic experience, and the prospect of people doubting your word, or blaming you for getting raped, is enough to keep the vast majority of date rape victims from reporting to police. </p>
<p>S told me that a student at his college was expelled for “sexual harassment”–but not sure what the guy did–if it was verbal or physical</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That is true, but IMO the college should still take the step of officially expelling him. It sends a message.</p>
<p>Someone I knew from high school was charged with rape during his time at MSU and he was convicted, jailed, and expelled. Ended up at my community college when he got out because nobody else would take him.</p>
<p>Smithie, </p>
<p>Of course, I’m concerned about young men! Please believe that. I don’t think a young woman ever “asks” to be raped. However, I do think that one heck of a lot of rapes occur in situations in which one or both of the people involved are drunk.There are stats that say that 81% of the rapes of female college students occur in that situation. </p>
<p>Way back when I was in college, we had a rule. If one of the girls from our dorm got drunk, one of the girls from our dorm had to leave the party and go back with her. There were MANY times, when guys would volunteer to take someone home and then get ANNOYED when we’d insist that one of us go too. Sometimes they’d come right out and say “You must think I’m a rapist.” Our attitude was “No, but we aren’t taking a chance.” </p>
<p>I really think that young women today need a bit more of that attitude. </p>
<p>I don’t equate getting bombed out of your mind with having fun…maybe that’s where we differ.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>It would be nice to think that young women can get drunk without worrying about sexual assault, but that’s never going to happen. When you are drunk you’re also more likely to be pick-pocketed, hit by a car, etc. It’s not just rape.</p>
<p>A list of sexual assault prevention tips that (for once) puts the burden on men, not on women:</p>
<p>Sexual assault prevention tips:</p>
<ol>
<li>Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.</li>
<li>When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!</li>
<li>If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!</li>
<li>NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.</li>
<li>If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!</li>
<li>Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.</li>
<li>USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.</li>
<li>Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.</li>
<li>Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!</li>
<li>Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “by accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.</li>
</ol>
<p>“Young women should be free to enjoy themselves at a party just as much as their young male friends, without worrying about sexual assault.”</p>
<p>Drunken men also have been sexually assaulted, typically by other men. Nondrunk men also have been sexually assaulted, typically by other men. </p>
<p>In addition, there are predatory men who slip roofies into other men’s drinks.</p>
<p>We don’t tend to hear about these cases much because the men who are assaulted tend to blame themselves and to be very ashamed. This is similar to how in the past – even more than is so today – women who were raped didn’t discuss their experiences or turn in their rapists.</p>
<p>"
o About 3% of American men – a total of 2.78 million men – have experienced a rape at some point in their lifetime (Tjaden & Thoennes, 2006).
o In 2003, one in every ten rape victims was male. While there are no reliable annual surveys of sexual assaults on children, the Justice Department has estimated that one of six victims are under age 12 (National Crime Victimization Study, 2003).
o 71% of male victims were first raped before their 18th birthday; 16.6% were 18-24 years old, and 12.3% were 25 or older (Tjaden & Thoennes, 2006).
o Males are the least likely to report a sexual assault, though it is estimated that they make up 10% of all victims (RAINN, 2006).
o 22% of male inmates have been raped at least once during their incarceration; roughly 420,000 prisoners each year (Human Rights Watch, 2001)."</p>
<p>[The</a> National Center for Victims of Crime - Library/Document Viewer](<a href=“http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32361]The”>http://www.ncvc.org/ncvc/main.aspx?dbName=DocumentViewer&DocumentID=32361)</p>
<p>I am not sure why my D’s college turns such a blind eye to sexual assaults on campus. They also completely condone drinking, both underage and in public. The RA’s are jokes (they’re right in there with all the freshmen, getting bombed). My D is quite frustrated and disgusted that males she knows are getting away with assault. I am worried for her safety and the safety of her girlfriends. My D is not much of a drinker and is very sensible when it comes to protecting herself, but her friends are pretty clueless and naive, and also get very very drunk every weekend. As a matter of fact, she had a run-in with the rapist/student earlier that night at a party. They were dancing and he was getting too touchy-feely and agressive and she told him in no uncertain terms to stop and walked away from him. Unfortunately, he eventually found someone who was too drunk to put up much of a fight. This student is still around.</p>
<p>My D has tried to talk to administration about the drinking and sexual assaults but she has been completely stonewalled. They absolutely will not touch the drinking issue. I’m not sure why. It makes no sense to me. I understand that they are not parents or chaperones, but they do have the authority to set some sort of standards for behavior, but they completely abdicate responsibility. Anyone have any thoughts about how we as parents can get through to them?</p>
<p>DonnaL: I really really like that list. Thanks for posting.</p>