<p>here is the ugly statistical truth about rape:</p>
<p>One</a> in Four</p>
<p>One in Four college women report surviving rape between their 14th birthday and their college diploma</p>
<p>That is a frightening statistic even if it inflated somewhat. Clearly, this is a subject that needs more attention paid to it with young people.</p>
<p>Wow, that is a sobering statistic. I wonder what we, as parents, can do to try to keep our daughters safe.</p>
<p>Wait, the link seems contradictory-1 in five high schoolers, in one survey, had been raped, and 20% of college students reported having at some point being raped. Obviously not everyone who was raped in high school attends college, but doesn’t the fact that the population proportion remains constant indicate that not that many women are actually raped in college?
Also, the site has shoddy editing-I’ve never seen a perpatrator of rape.</p>
<p>It seems like an overinflated statistic, like one of the percents is based on the question: “In your lifetime have you been forced to submit to sexual intercourse against your will?”
Submit implies consent, even if the person wasn’t happy about it. I’m not saying this question wouldn’t be answered yes for rape, but it could also be answered yes if someone doesn’t feel like having sex and their boyfriend argues with them until they say yes. </p>
<p>Apart from the warning this statistic being so inflated is just making it harder for those who do have this happen to seek help (If so many people can deal with this, why can’t I? etc) or in extreme cases sympathy and understanding from others. It trivializes those who have really had something this horrible happen when they make it seem so common. For example, there are those who believe that if a girl is drunk she can’t give consent even if the girl herself does not conceive the sex as forced in anyway.</p>
<p>It will be interesting to see how the statisticians will go after these studies. As for how to keep our sons and daughters safe (because rape and sexual assault also happen to males, though not as frequently), too many of these incidents involve alcohol. Lack of inhibition, not being able to verbalize or understand non-verbal cues, blackouts and faulty reasoning all contribute to this statistic.</p>
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<p>Are you deliberately misunderstanding the question? ‘Forced to submit’ does not imply consent. It indicates use of force. ‘Against your will’ is another dead giveaway. You ignore two phrases that are impossible to misinterpret–‘forced to’ and ‘against your will’–to latch onto a definition of the word ‘submit’ that is clearly inapplicable in this context.</p>
<p>Also, any sexual act that happens against your will is rape or at the very least sexual assault according to the law. It doesn’t matter if it was your boyfriend who forced you, or a stranger–or if you were forced physically, or if you were incapacitated, or if someone in a position of trust used emotional blackmail on you. These are all instances of sexual violence.</p>
<p>The number is not inflated, based on statistics we receive in my agency, which serves survivors of sexual assault. M’s Mom asked what we can do to keep our daughters (and sons) safe. I have mentioned this before, but the number one acquaintance rape drug is alcohol. Especially among college students, thousands each year drink too much and then become vulnerable to attack. This does not just happen to women. The second thing is that sexual violence is one if not THE most underreported crime. Encourage your children 1) to minimize their risk factors (don’t get drunk, don’t leave a beverage uncovered in public, don’t be alone with someone you don’t know well, etc) 2) and if it does happen they should report the crime to authorities immediately. They should also go to the nearest hospital that has sexual assault nurse examiners so that evidence can be preserved and they can receive precautionary treatment for STDs. The closest rape crisis center and/or student health center will offer counseling, support group and other services to help them become survivors, rather than victims, and these services are usually free. Rape is NEVER the victim’s fault and there should be no shame in reporting it. Don’t let the perpetrators go on to their next victim - hold them accountable. Off the soap box now.</p>
<p>I am a parent.</p>
<p>I was date raped in high school, but did not realize it until I was in college and going through training to be an R.A.</p>
<p>The biggest way to protect against rape is to educate both males and females on what legally consititutes rape. I naively thought permitting a male to go “so far” and then asking to stop was being a tease and my fault if things continued to progress. Had I known the legal definition and statistics earlier I would have had the confidence to stand up for myself and fight back. </p>
<p>As writestuff says – Hammar the effects of alcohol and rape. </p>
<p>Hammar to sons that a drunk girl <em>can</em> claim date rape if male knows she is drunk and engages in sexual behavior.</p>
<p>^^ great post and exactly right. Did a year long internship at Childhelp USA and worked in sexual abuse prevention (taught a program to elementary kids in DC schools in a child appropriate “safety rule” type of way, called “Good Touch Bad Touch”). 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused before they reach their 18 birthday, and 1 in 5 boys. I am confident that these rape statistics are in fact, sadly accurate. And always keep in mind that 90% of the time, sexual abuse is caused by someone the child knows (date rape stats are similar, usually known to the victim). So throw out the mindset that teaching “stranger danger” is going to keep your kids safe. </p>
<p>The only thing that will help them protect themselves is to 1. teach them to tell someone (and keep telling until someone believes them), 2. teach them that their body belongs to them, 3. teach them that it’s ok to say no to anyone who is trying to touch them in an inappropriate way (often a problem when it’s a parent as the abuser), 4. teach them the actual term “sexual abuse” -that it’s when someone tries to touch their body, OR if someone tries to have them touch theirs (perpetrators often try to call it “a game” and a child is too young to know otherwise), and 5. Teach them that it is NEVER THEIR FAULT if someone tries to sexually abuse them (it’s the only way that they will ever have the courage to tell someone). Always be sure to explain that sometimes a doctor may need to touch their private parts in order to be sure they are healthy, and that’s not sexual abuse. Give an example, “like when a child is little, a mom may have to change the babies diapers and clean them. that’s ok”. </p>
<p>The sad thing is this world has a lot of sick people and it seems that the majority will never be caught and stopped. Only 1% are ever actually convicted of the 5% that are caught. We cannot unfortuntely change the messed up minds of the abusers, so our only hope really is to teach our kids to know what to do if they encounter a perpetrator during their childhood. So the above paragraph was about younger elementary to middle school children (preschool isn’t too young to start some discussion about private parts and how their body is theirs, about telling if someone tries to touch them etc.). In High School, it’s a good idea to start discussing bigger issues like date rape, not leaving unattended drinks (hopefully they aren’t drinking, but they need to have the info. on “rufies” etc. early!), not drinking to the point of passing out, relationship violence, etc. etc. Well informed kids can then go off into the world as young adults, more impowered and aware. A lot of parents say, “but the information may scare them”. But kids really react better to getting the information and it leads to a feeling of empowerment -that there is something they can do to protect themselves. You also make sure to tell them that most people are GOOD people --it’s just something that happens sometimes…etc.</p>
<p>There’s a great book called, Protecting The Gift. Think his name is Gavin Rosen, or something like that. And very sorry, Longhaul. You are also very right that it’s important to teach or girls and BOYS what constitutes rape.</p>
<p>I believe that unfortunately it is even more common in some circles and significantly less common in others. As was posted, alcohol and other drugs can lower inhibitions and ability to resist or avoid dangerous situations. </p>
<p>I think we do a lot by modeling appropriate behavior and relationships and moderation in alcohol and other substances. We also model self image and assertiveness in standing up for ourselves and now allowing ourselves to be manipulated or placed in vulnerable positions. Those other concepts (good touch, bad touch, etc.) are important, but if the kids are exposed to a lot of violence and predators in their environment, it is much more challenging to stay safe.</p>
<p>Like ginab591 I have a problem with the wording of one of the questions in the survey</p>
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<p>and I thought her analysis about why this wording is problematic was excellent. The phrase “forced to submit” gives the question a very different meaning from “forced to have”. I would have had much less of a problem if the question had been worded</p>
<p>“In your lifetime have you been forced to have sexual intercourse against your will?”</p>
<p>Or better yet, if you want to conduct a survey to find out if someone has ever been raped then ask them if they have ever been raped. Don’t ask them something else and then say this means they were raped. The person answering the survey might not agree that they were raped. Don’t say they said something unless they really said it.</p>
<p>Pea, respectfully–I mean that–I think you’re missing the point. </p>
<p>Lots of young women who HAVE been raped according to the legal definition don’t realize they have been. Thus, a young woman who engages in what we used to call petting–is that term still used?–will get to a point where she asks her partner to stop and he might just keep going. She’s been raped, but she herself may not see it that way. </p>
<p>Or a survey might ask have you ever awakened from an alcoholic blackout and realized that someone may have had sex with you while you were blacked out and/or even passed out? That’s rape. Again, a young woman may not view it as such.</p>
<p>The article illustrates this point because it says that something like 84% of young men who had raped a woman admitted the conduct but denied it was rape. So, a young man might think if a young woman was alone with him, snuggling on a bed, she took off her top voluntarily and he then penetrated her, it wasn’t rape–but it is if she tried to stop him from going further and he didn’t.</p>
<p>There are even young male college students who think that if a woman has agreed to go back to his room with him she’s consented to sex. She hasn’t.</p>
<p>In regard to this being more common in some circles, that’s not true. One of the biggest misconceptions about sexual abuse, and much of the reason that parents often miss the signs of abuse, are that it’s non-descriminatory. It happens in white collar families, blue collar, and yes, families at poverty level. There seems to be a belief that sexual abuse happens in impoverished areas! The same is true of the misconception that child abuse happens only in poor, urban homes. This is why so many of the signs are missed. No one thinks it can happen in “their home”.</p>
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<p>I really question the usefulness of comments like these. While it may be true that rape is more common in certain circles, a BIG part of the naivete that leads young women into dangerous situations is the belief that they are a part of that mysterious <em>other</em> group that doesn’t get raped. Everyone is at risk whether they party or not and nobody can believe that they are immune-- and they go right on believing it anyway. I know that’s not what you meant, but the types of comments like the one you made stem from exactly the kind of mentality that propagates that attitude in young people. There’s no use in even going there. All you accomplish is letting young people think if they’re not the ones out getting sloppy drunk (newsflash: most college students don’t think they are getting <em>that</em> drunk even though THEY ARE), they’re not the ones who are putting themselves at risk-- and that those women who DID get raped must have done something wrong.</p>
<p>Furthermore, what on earth is anyone supposed to take from this?</p>
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<p>You can’t POSSIBLY be suggesting that if rape victims were only more self-confident and assertive, nobody would have forced themselves upon them? You do know what RAPE is, right? People saying things like this are exactly why self-blame is so pervasive in rape victims. The illusion that rape victims had control over the situation that is propagated by statements like this. Are there things you can try to do to protect yourself? Sure-- but in the end that won’t decide whether or not you get raped. The man that wants to rape you decides that. You can make yourself a more difficult target but in the end that choice is not yours unless you have the physical and mental strength to literally overpower the rapist-- that’s why it’s RAPE. What on god’s green earth does self-image and assertiveness have to do with it?</p>
<p>Telling people that behavior puts them at risk isn’t the same as blaming them. I wouldn’t blame my kid for getting mugged, but I’ll let him know how to reduce the chances of that happening. That’s how you protect independent people in a dangerous world, let them know what the dangers are and how to minimize them.</p>
<p>Submit:
- to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).
- to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.
- to present for the approval, consideration, or decision of another or others: to submit a plan; to submit an application</p>
<p>Notice each definition, “to give over or yield”, “to subject to”, and “To present for the approval” </p>
<p>The first one is the one that most people think of when they read the word submit unless it is specifically an application or form etc, in which case the third is valid. The second one seems to be the closest to what this survey asked, but since the first is also valid and much more used, the question is vague.
If they want to catch everything ask multiple questions. Ask have you been forced to have sex against your will, have you been forced to have sex after saying no, etc. One question cannot catch everything without pulling in things that do not fall under the definition. If you didn’t want to have sex, but were sober and did not give ANY indication to your partner that you were hesitant then it is not rape. (Excluding scenarios when it is obvious, for example stranger rape, where the victim may keep quiet out of fear)
All I’m saying is it should be clearer. Asking about more specific situations will probably give better answers. A girl believes she consented to sex while drunk but blacked out and can’t remember, she is most likely not going to answer yes to the question as it is phrased now. It would also help educate people more.</p>
<p>If you have ever looked at a woman and had sexual thoughts about her without her consent, then you have committed rape with your eyes. Discuss.</p>
<p>^ Not sure what you want to discuss. Rape is an action, not a thought.</p>
<p>Really, really scary</p>
<p>[Campus</a> sex assaults: - chicagotribune.com](<a href=“http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/education/ct-met-campus-sexual-assaults-0617-20110616,0,6617854.story]Campus”>Few arrests, convictions in campus sex assault cases)</p>
<p>“These kinds of data are illustrative of the disturbing and alarming trend we are seeing across this country.”</p>