I am glad you did this. My parents did not do this and though I go to a school I am 100% happy at and love and I got a huge scholarship which helped bring the cost down to about 5k more than an in state safety school I applied for, sometimes I worry about the money aspect of it and my parents just tell me not to worry. My brother is going to college soon and I worry that they’ll be paying much more than they should be paying just because they were afraid to tell me no.
Though I work during the school year and full time in the summer, my parents tell me I don’t need a job, when I know that I do need a job to afford college and sometimes I wish my parents would just be straight with me. For example, when we did housing for the fall, the price for a single was 7k a semester! And I complained about this to my parents and made fun of my friends who chose to get a single and my parents told me that if I wanted a single I could get one and to not worry about the price, it’’ all work out. Like I’m sorry paying 14k a year for a room is ridiculous to me and I would never allow my child to do that. Luckily I know where we are financially and know that that is never an option for me, but I wish my parents would be upfront and tell me no so I feel better about my decisions.
Parents, please make sure your child is aware of your financial situation. Of course, your child should apply to schools they see themselves at and enjoying because private schools often give out more money/aid than public ones and can be cheaper than state schools, but after they are accepted, include them in the money talks. MY parents did not include me and I think your child should be aware of what school they can attend and what school they’re throwing money down the drain at.
Better would be to change “after they are accepted” to “before they make their application lists”, in order to avoid futile applications to colleges that will not be affordable, and ensure that colleges are properly assessed in reach/match/safety (i.e. if a big merit scholarship is needed to afford the school, and that scholarship is a reach, the school is a reach, even if merely getting admission is a safety).
That’s not just true for low income schools. People at almost every income level have concerns about college affordability, so school counselors must be sensitive to that aspect of the search. To be clear, many aren’t now, but they really should start.
At my DS18’s school the parents are all invited to meet individually with a college counselor. We’ve sent two through the school, so we knew the drill, but at neither meeting about our search criteria was there any question regarding our financial limits or suggestion that NPCs be worked in. It’s crazy that they aren’t prepping the kids for what can be the most ruthless, brutal part of the process.
Some parents and students only care about the prestige and some parents and students only focus on costs, and both have issues. There have a reason that EFC and NPC that certainly universities show your range, and that are probably reflect from their past students’ families whose income/asset range similar to you were able to send their child(ren) there. “How are these other families about to do that, but we aren’t?”, that would be a question I would further dig in before I firmly say to my kid, no we could not afford.
Also there are still some highly selected schools that do offer merit award, although the slots are few. If I were in your shoes, I would still encourage my kid to throw in couple of reach just for fun and to see where it sticks for only a $100 each (application, test record, and transcription fees). And if your son got in and can’t attend, he can still brag that its something else, not his personal ability not able to study at that level. Maybe even a negotiation tool for getting some discount from your flagship U.
First off, I echo the comments commending the OP on having the financial talk early on. Like the OP, my parents didn’t have the financial talk with me until after I received all the thick acceptance envelopes in March and April of my senior year, and while I could afford to attend one of the schools that sent me an envelope – the cheapest aside from my instate public – and didn’t have any regret choosing it (and still don’t, many years later), that was one of the very few parenting fails on my parents’ part. I have tried to make sure that the same thing doesn’t happen with my own D19. I do not consider ourselves poor, though by no means are we rich, and luckily the NPCs at the assorted meets-need schools we’re looking at are reasonable for our budget and savings.
To my way of thinking, however, I am more comfortable keeping the safety/reach/match discussion (and I know some folks don’t like those characterizations) in the realm of academic admission. Why? Because that’s what the external (school) counselor knows. They see dozens (hundreds) of students and, particularly in a public school setting, are unlikely to know each family’s financial situation, unlike they should be able to give a decent read on the students’ academic qualifications, along with any athletic, URM, or first generation hooks. I’m guessing private admissions consultants probably know much more about their clients’ financials, but I don’t know anything about that world.
I absolutely, absolutely think that counselors should talk about EFCs and NPCs with their students and their families. And if a family wants to share in any level of detail their financial approach (e.g., “we need to chase merit because we can’t afford those NPCs”), then maybe the counselor can help more. But I’m more comfortable in keeping the “can I get in?” and “can I pay for it?” questions separate, even as they are 2 of the most important questions to answer.
@ucbalumnus – true, but I prefer to think of that question just as the “can I get the merit scholarship”? Because some people need it and others might just view it as a (very renumerative) bonus, and the answer to “can I get it?” is solely dependent upon the non-financial considerations.
I totally get though that my approach may be colored by my own financial situation and what I can and can’t afford…
However, if the student needs the merit scholarship to make the school affordable, then the goalpost is the merit scholarship, not admission, since admission without the scholarship is equal to a rejection. Even if the school is a safety for admission, it may actually be a reach for the student if the needed merit scholarship is a reach.
Of course, if the school is already affordable, then the merit scholarship may just be a nice bonus, but then does not affect reach/match/safety assessment.
Our son is a National Merit Finalist, and we knew midway through his junior year that he’d make it. We also knew that we could only pay about a third of our EFC.
We had the financial talk early, so we knew S would need full-tuition or better for a school to be financially feasible.
Our initial list was heavy on NMF full-ride schools, but it also included schools like Tulane where S might have a shot at full tuition or full ride merit. He knew that with places like Tulane, getting in but not getting the big merit package meant the school was off the table.
After we toured our first four schools - UT Dallas, U of New Mexico, U of Oklahoma and Texas Tech - S called a halt to any further visits. He loved UNM and Texas Tech so much that he didn’t need to see anything else. He only ever applied to those two, and he was auto-admit for both of them.
He will be attending UNM on a National Merit full ride, and he’s super happy with his choice.
There is nothing wrong with structuring your college search this way. Yes, it’s not what everyone wants, but if it works for your family, great!
P.S. We never toured Bama, too far away, but it’s another stellar auto-stats option, especially for NMF.
I don’t know that I agree with this. Applying and getting in to an elite school only to have to decline might just tarnish the good feelings he has about the schools that are affordable. We are not looking at second rate schools with poor reputations - these are nationally recognized schools. Our state flagship uses need as the primary factor for merit, so they really wouldn’t care what you get elsewhere. If they did, they’d do something about losing a HUGE number of their brightest students to other states. Our state universities have had a major drop in enrollment, largely due to state mismanagement of funds, vastly underfunded pensions, and extraordinarily high tuition costs for instate students.
DS2 who is similar to OP’s son said to me yesterday, " Mom, I don’t think it really matters where you go to college. I just want to go to our state school and have no debt."
We took the exact same approach - all of our kids go to schools that many here would say are ‘beneath them’ but they got good merit at these schools which allows them to take out ONLY GSLs (reasonable debt after getting a job after college) and we pay the rest out of savings/current income – and each one so far is having a positive experience.
There was no disappointment over unreasonable expectations - they were admitted to every school to which they applied, then we weighed the options based on merit (net final cost) and other ‘soft’ considerations including for one D2 lacrosse.
@StPaulDad we had the same experience and honestly had to really have many discussions with our first graduating here - she kept being told she could get into anywhere she wants - which was probably pretty true but that didn’t mean we could or would PAY for any of those. We had a heck of a time getting her to ‘get it’ because of the narrative of the guidance counselor there.
OP, curious what the “safety” list looks like. Would love to know what you found that’s affordable given what you describe of your financial situation.
On the list thus far are both are within our price range and have one of the engineering majors he is interested in:
University of Alabama
University of Alabama - Huntsville
University of Alabama - Birmingham
Ole Miss
University of Nebraska - Lincoln
University of New Mexico
University of Arizona
Kansas State
University of Kansas
Wichita State
IUPUI
Some of these schools are more expensive, some less. All are within the $20K or less range per year out of pocket for us. For some, it’s the automatic merit for his stats that get the cost down. For some, it’s the combination of stats and being part of a state reciprocity program.
Our financial situation isn’t bad, and I’d consider us as fortunate people - we are very lucky to have 3 beautiful children. We have $20K or so per year per kid for their education, but we need them to do their part to help us find schools they can attend within the price range. They can each take out the Guaranteed Student Loans to get them a little more budget.
Nice List. You might consider adding UT Dallas- and ASU, as well, since they have the Barrett’s honors program there (and I see that U of A is on the list).
My son, who got into an Ivy, loved UAH, and would have gone there had he not needed a gap year at the time. It was a much better fit for him.
@elodyCOH , your post should be stickied forevermore on this site. If more parents had the foresight you did, there would be a lot fewer disappointed applicants every spring.
This is how you help your kids find a college. My sophomore year of high school, my parents and I went on a PNW college tour that included many great private schools (Whitman, Puget Sound, Linfield, etc) and I loved all of them. But I know now, 5 years later, is that no way could we afford them, I was not a top student and we can’t qualify for that much aid. It was still a slap-in-the-face when I hadn’t even been considering an in-state public school and suddenly that was all I could even apply for. I probably would’ve liked the school I ended up at more if I had chosen it, and not had my heart set on fancy 50,000/year schools.
Kudos to you for being honest. I think parents often push the difficult conversations until it’s too late.