<p>She’s not a radical leftist. She doesn’t care much about politics. Unless you were in her face about conservative issues, she doesn’t care. She’s rather apolitical.</p>
<p>Her parents are the political ones. Not her.</p>
<p>I haven’t read the whole thread, just came in where BrownParent gave a list of schools with no core curriculums and stopped to make a correction. Whitman College does have a mandatory freshman core, called Encounters, which introduces all freshmen to the major social/economic/philosophical influences that have created modern western and eastern cultures. This is a two semester class with many sections, taught by professors from many different disciplines, and all the sections are small. Whitman is a great school, and open in many ways to individualized degree programs, but everybody takes Encounters.</p>
<p>I bumping this up because I wanted to thank everyone for how helpful they were. </p>
<p>I wish I had better news but unfortunately this is the situation as I understand it (I went looking for this thread because she’s actually coming up to spend the weekend with me as a reprieve from her mom and I wanted to have some suggestions from this thread ready…) </p>
<p>The good news: her retest of the ACT… she got a 34!! and that’s about where the good news ends. </p>
<p>The bad news: she’s in danger of failing three classes. I do not know the backstory but I know she and her mom have been fighting constantly since the year began. I will find out more this weekend and see just how poorly she’s doing. I do not think she’s submitted a single application yet.</p>
<p>Her parents have told her that she is to leave the house by next August whether she goes to college or not (September if that’s when she moves in). They are still completely willing to pay full freight wherever she goes… if she can get in anywhere now that has what she wants. She also has a nice chunk of change to start out life with so it’s not like they’re cutting her off… it’s just better for everyone involved if she no longer live there. </p>
<p>I want to talk to her about maybe going to a CC for a while but I honestly don’t know if that’s the best route for her. She needs a challenge and I still truly think she’ll thrive if she gets away from her parents.</p>
<p>I want to help her, but at this point… I have no idea what to do or what to tell her. I’m so lost. </p>
<p>I think contributing to this problem is the fact that physically she looks like she’s about 12 and mentally seems wayyyyy younger than she is. She’s turning 18 in less than 10 weeks but you would never, ever guess it by talking to her. I think it’s because she’s never been allowed to mature.</p>
<p>My relative has loved her years at U Puget Sound and will be graduating this May. It doesn’t snow as far as I know but gas the other seasons. Might be a good fit and my relative applied very late and was still admitted with some surprise merit aid.</p>
<p>See if she can salvage her courses with at least a C or better or even withdraw from one or more. She sounds like she needs to have a break. She’s luck to have your help and support.</p>
<p>Re: St Johns and science - I have a friend who is a science teacher at a highly regarded private high school. They had a visiting physicist who had done his undergraduate work at St. Johns. My friend was highly impressed with this man’s skills as a scientist and doubly intrigued by his unique approach and perspectives. He said that this man’s training at St. Johns gave him an invaluable and unique way of thinking through issues, and he contributed ideas that most scientists wouldn’t think of.</p>
<p>All this to say, I definitely would not underestimate the power of a St. Johns education in the sciences.</p>
<p>Romani, this is a difficult situation. This young lady is clearly capable, but something is going on- depression? or rebellion from over controling parents? or perhaps inabilty to separate ( unconscously failing school= not leaving). Her small size may be that she’s tiny to begin with, or is she getting enough calories and insulin to grow. I’m sure her mom is helping get good control of her diabetes, but she needs to eat enough to grow.
Sometimes the “fighting” is normal separation, but in the case of family dysfunction, who knows how “normal” any of it is. Her mom says she wants the daughter to leave home regardless, and then is over controlling, so she says something but may be acting otherwise. This is pretty strange to me as a parent, IMHO, 18 isn’t the same for everyone, and I would hope a parent might recognize if the child is ready to leave or not, and help the child transition to it, not just send her out. Mom may just be talking, but that’s pretty scary to a child who doesn’t feel ready, and she also may be feeling rejected. </p>
<p>It may be good for her to be out of that situation, but she may not be ready to be on her own. If she’s not able to handle academic work at this time, I’m not sure CC is the right answer, and where would she live?
Is there any way to salvage the high school record, such as withdrawal for medical/mental health reasons? This might delay her graduation, but it may not mean she has to live at home. I’m not familar with these programs, but I wonder if finishing up at a boarding school with a PG year would better prepare her for college- and get her away from an unhealthy situation?
[Post-Graduate</a> Boarding Schools | BoardingSchoolReview.com](<a href=“http://www.boardingschoolreview.com/pg_boarding_schools.php]Post-Graduate”>Best Post-Graduate Boarding Schools (2023)) If she is that sheltered and young for her age, would she be ready for college life? BS can be an in between where she separates but still has access to more support.
She’s lucky to have you, but I don’t know if her parents would even allow any intervention on your part. Much of this kind of thing involves the family as a whole, In some families there is a “target child” or scapegoat who acts out the family issues.
Still, you can be a huge support to her by modeling healthy caring. I think I would just listen to her story of the situation. First be sure she is safe- from abuse, physically healthy and then decide if she’s depressed, feeling hopeless and if she needs immediate intervention. If she’s safe, but in such a crazy situation that it is hard to cope, try to come up with possibilities for now- counseling, lower class load, and also consider the best plan for next year.</p>
<p>Penny, thanks for that. </p>
<p>She’s tiny. Always has been. Her dad is about 5’6" and her mom <em>might</em> be 5’ so the size is hereditary. Her mom is a doctor (gastro), nutritionist, and a fantastic cook. Nothing nutrient-deprived. </p>
<p>I hope to tease out the situation more this weekend. I do not for a second think she’s ready to live on her own. I think she’d be fine in a dorm but not in an apartment… especially not near her parents. I am considering asking her if she wants to move back to MI and live near (or with) us. </p>
<p>Delaying high school graduation would not be an option. </p>
<p>NOTHING her mom does is logical. Her mom’s dad died when she was very young and her mom was basically non-existent. She raised herself and her siblings and took care of everything from a young age. For whatever reason, that has lead her to be incredibly over-protective of her children… to the point that they’re not allowed to grow up and yet she somehow expects them to be ready to leave at 18. It doesn’t make any sense to me or my parents so I don’t know.</p>
<p>Her parents are willing to let me intervene now because they don’t feel that there is anything else they can do. I think they’re ready to let her be someone else’s “problem”. Her mom has asked me to help her with college searching and such several times. </p>
<p>I think her mom <em>wants</em> to help but just doesn’t know help. I also have a high suspicion that her mom is somewhere on the Autism spectrum. It would make a lot of sense. </p>
<p>Like I said, i’ll find out more this weekend and get the whole story.</p>
<p>There are some CCs that have dorms. I know–the link below shows those in CA. That may be a place for her to get her bearings and adjust to life out of the family home?</p>
<p><a href=“http://communitycolleges.studentads.com/dorms/California-CA[/url]”>http://communitycolleges.studentads.com/dorms/California-CA</a></p>
<p>I have a suggestion that has not appeared in the thread yet. Hartwick College in Oneanta NY. I don’t know anything about the music offerings but it was a real haven for a relative of mine many years ago. She just barely squeaked out of HS and was choosing between Hartwick and a job or CC. She totally thrived once she got out of the rigid HS environment and went on to a very successful career in communications.</p>
<p>They seem to be willing to take a chance on bright kids who do not live up to their potential in HS. It is a small non-sectarian school in a small town.</p>
<p>I’ll add that to the list and check it out, 1012 
</p>
<p>I’m also thinking that maybe a gap year would be good for her. Maybe not a job but something like City Year? Something to help her catch up on maturity, get out of the house, but gives her a break from school.</p>
<p>I didn’t do any gap year things… any ideas?</p>
<p>There are some in Michigan too.
[List</a> of community colleges with campus housing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_community_colleges_with_campus_housing]List”>List of community colleges in the United States with campus housing - Wikipedia)</p>
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<p>A younger HS classmate postponed her admission to a private LAC to do City Year. </p>
<p>Said it was one of the best decisions she made in her young life.</p>
<p>However, she’s the only close friend who did City Year so you may want to have her look into it and find some local City Year alums.</p>
<p>Tough situation Romani. She’s self sabotaging but why and how to fix are the issues right now. </p>
<p>I wonder if she has some issues that you or her parents are not aware of. I have a very small sample but self sabotage is not unheard of in kids with type 1 diabetes. Wonder if there is an eating disorder or something of that order which would explain why she is failing classes. Just a thought.</p>
<p>Just another school idea- Simmons College in Boston. It offers a Boston location, an all women’s education, and a supportive environment. Maybe she could even cross reg. at some of the other Boston schools eventually.</p>
<p>Self sabotaging is an interesting thought. This may be outdated info, but I’ve heard of the idea of not trying to strictly regulate the diets of teens with diabetes and to adjust their insulin as needed since they tend to be hard to control with all the physical and emotional changes they are going through. It also gives them a chance to learn to manage it on their own. They want to be regular teens like other teens and having a chronic illness is difficult at this time. This is old info and there may be more up to date information now. </p>
<p>There is also the idea of gradually turning the management over to them, since they will be adults soon. If this mother is micromanaging her daughter’s diet and treatment, then she will want to exert her freedom in other ways. Academics may be the only thing she controls.</p>
<p>The solution is to have her own her actions, for better or worse. Obviously one doesn’t let her get sick, but she needs to learn to make choices about what she eats, if she doesn’t study, there will be consequences. If she can’t manage her diet/insulin and studies, then she needs to gradually get there. If mom has always managed this for her, she won’t know how.</p>
<p>Sadly, mom had no parenting herself. It would be great if she could be in some kind of parenting of teens class. First, just listen to this teen, and see what may be going on.</p>
<p>Romani what a gem you are to help this young lady. I reread the thread and saw that she doesn’t care for the southern schools because of the heat. If she cannot find a school that fits her interests, she may want to look at Eckerd. It is on the water in St. Petersburg. It is pretty hot in Aug., Sept. and May. They are a small LAC listed in CTCL and also a good review in Fiske’s guide. They are well known for their writers in paradise winter term each year that is run by Denis Lehane, and also offer several student and student/adult orchestras. The 4-1-4 calendar allows for plenty of study abroad programs. A local theater now is in residence. It is 5 minutes away from a major medical center. PM me if she is interested. Best of luck to you both. She is lucky to have you as a mentor.</p>
<p>I think, given the current circumstances, her preference on colleges might be more lenient than they were in July. The south might not be completely out of the picture anymore. </p>
<p>Self-sabotaging is an idea I hadn’t considered. I have a sneaking suspicion though that this is more what’s going on: she’s throwing herself into her writing and forsaking all of her other work. She’s always turned to books and writing whenever she needed an escape and I have a feeling that’s what she is doing now. </p>
<p>Sigh. I hope the “failing” is really a C or a D (her mom said she was failing so to be honest, I don’t know whether that means ACTUALLY in E/F range or if she’s just not going to get a C+ or higher) and that she can pull up those classes to something decent. </p>
<p>I don’t know if I wrote this before but what absolutely kills me is that I saw this coming. I told her mom in early high school (as did my parents) that she needed to loosen up a bit with her or she was going to pull this very thing. Of course her mom didn’t listen to me because I was 18/19 and what do I know? And she’s always thought that my parents let me have way too much freedom so she didn’t listen to them either. Which is fine, raise your kids how you want, but she’s so out of touch with the world that her daughter lives in (one with Facebook and smartphones… neither of which she is allowed to have) that it’s very much stunting her emotional growth. It’s just very frustrating because like I said, she’s like a little sister to me. I’m closer with her and see her more than my biological sister.</p>
<p>Given her situation, do you think she’s ready to be far away? Michigan has some nice schools. Don’t know if Kalamazoo College is a possibility, but it would not be too far for you to visit, yet far enough for her to feel independent.</p>
<p>I’m going to try to convince her to come to MI. She’s got family here as well as my parents and I- we’re spread out all over the state so she’d have someone within an hour of so of her no matter where she goes.</p>
<p>Update: </p>
<p>She is not “failing” classes. She currently has a D in calculus (bordering on C) that she’s not sure she can salvage by the end of the semester but is clawing her way to a C. She is doing more poorly in a few other classes than she’d like but in the range of B-/C+ than failing. </p>
<p>It seems like many of the issues between her and her mom have been blown way out of proportion by both sides (which is common, I suppose, with a teenaged girl and her high-strung mother). </p>
<p>She has decided she wants to be within about a day’s drive of Ohio but still decidedly not in the south. She has applied to Iowa and MSU and is also applying to Baldwin Wallace as her “safety” school, Middlebury as a reach, and St. Olaf. </p>
<p>We’ve also expanded her list to include Ithaca College, Cornell College, and another university in Pennsylvania that is escaping me right now. She is also going to contact admissions at Bucknell and a few others to see how their violin programs are.</p>
<p>She’s not self-destructive but she is very annoyed by her parents… more than I’d say a typical 17 year old. Even when dropping her off at my house, they were going through lists of this that and the other thing for her to be here a whole 36 hours and with someone she’s known her whole life. I don’t know, maybe that’s normal, but it wasn’t my experience growing up so…</p>