Another reason that heavily factored into our decision making as to which school to commit to, the school with higher percentage of Asian-American student population, is our mutual desire that he eventually find his future spouse of the Korean descent – for various cultural reasons. My son knows very well the story of my own difficulties in finding a Korean spouse (his mom) in this country where people of the Korean descent only make up a fraction of the total population. Potential marriage prospects fly from here to Korea or from coast to coast in their attempt to find a spouse through the well-known tradition of third-party match-making. Here in the U.S., the online match-making services have popped up in recent years, but the traditional match-making has been a part of the Korean, other Asian, and even in Jewish and other cultures, since time immemorial.
In this country, such match-making poses a greater difficulty. Of course, many find their spouse through a romantic relationship, but finding a romance between a couple of the same cultural heritage isn’t easy. One thing I learned was that, once I was out of college and grad school without a future spouse because I wasn’t interested in nor prepared to marry at that particular time period, I suddenly found myself, when I did become interested in and prepared to marry, having to rely solely on a third party match-making because there weren’t anyone of my own cultural background anywhere near my vicinity.
In retrospect, I should have learned by examples of other Korean-American students when I was a resident at this great dormitory called International House while a grad student at Cal-Berkeley. I used to observe several Korean-American undergrad female students, fellow I-House residents, involved in potential spouse seeking behaviors that I used to haughtily dismiss as too “calculated” and too “pre-meditated” and all too obvious. These female students were, I’m sure, coached by their parents to find their future Korean husbands while in college. Very smart. Me, very dumb.
My son, on his own accord, wants to eventually marry a spouse of the Korean descent. The only thing I did was to use this additional criteria in helping to make the final college commitment, namely, higher Asian student population (there’s no separate Korean student population stats that I’m aware of). Obviously, there’s no guarantee that he’ll find one nor is there going to be any pressure placed on him to find one. But the odds are better finding one in a larger pool than small pool, although all you need is one.
For non-Asians, what I just described, I’m sure, comes as a highly foreign concept and may even find this distasteful the way I used to feel when I was at Cal. Even for the young generation of Asian-Americans. But you’d know what I’m talking about if you’ve been there and done that out of necessity in a foreign country. Trust me, it’s being very wise and smart.
