How does this sound: I select prompt 7 (free answer prompt) and write a cohesive story.
-Start the story off with hook. (Possibly the chant from my community parade.)
-Move into picking up every piece of gross Banana Laffy taffy from the parade (I have no bag, only my hands. So I’m limited to what candy I should pick up.) and giving it to my sister and brother in law.
-brother in law lost his dog on the way home from the 4th of July cardinals game. Found him chewing on banana laffy taffy wrapper 4 miles from their house. We swam at the pool and had fun afterwards.
-I was in the gift shop of Barnes Jewish hospital in St. Louis, age 11, and bought some banana laffy taffy and strawberry laffy taffy (my favorite). It was my best friend’s birthday. My sister took me up 14 flights. It was true. I watched the electronic panel shift number by number. I walked to his room, the nurses on the floor knew me by name. When I got there, We talked about how I have no taste, for the millionth time. My sister took me home. I ask her if I could come back in a few days to go on another surgical round with Dr. Van Tine. She told me no.
-7th grade, to celebrate Hispanic culture, we had our grand project for the semester. We had to choose a loved one and celebrate their passing. I chose him. I decorated a shoebox and made a shrine of video games and of course, banana laffy taffy.
This is all based on real events. Banana laffy taffy is my reminder of my best friend, Lane Cooper. I’ve had this idea for a while. Don’t quite know all of the details yet. How does it sound? (You can be truthful, I want to make my application as real and cohesive as possible.) it will also tie in to my love of medicine, because I always spent my time at Barnes Jewish because he had Osteosarcoma cancer.
This sounds like a great story tell! I would say if you only focussed on what you wrote in your outline there isn’t enough… There has to be a connection to why AOs want to have YOU on their campus. You could write about how you helped someone else in a similar situation, what you learned about yourself from the passing of your friend, how you this has changed your perspective, etc. A good one to write about (because you’re into medicine) is how you want to do research in this field during and after college so no one else has to experience what you did. These are just some of my suggestions, so take it for what it’s worth, but I think the main thing is if an AO can summarize you into a sentence at the conference table. “I want them to attend our school because they will do cancer research for their passing friend” or “they will be a local volunteer for our hospitals” or “they will start a student initiative here for people who have been impacted by Cancer”.
@shredd Thank you for your help! A couple things. 1) I’ve heard that connecting something like this to wanting to work on cancer research is a very common topic and not unique. Would that make this essay nonunique? Or because of the story alongside it, would it be more unique and not something to worry about? 2) At the end of the essay, should I directly say “this is why I want to ___”, or is there another way to connect it to where it flows with the story and isn’t a blatant statement. Thank you again!
@Renee2002 You’re right, there are a lot of people writing about their research experiences, but what makes it unique isn’t what it’s about - but more about how you write about it. I know you’ve probably heard this a lot, but you just have to “show” and not tell. So no, I wouldn’t recommend saying “this is why I want to …” - they should get that information from you sharing your story.
You can really take this essay in any direction; I just wrote previously to give you some ideas on how you might want to show your character to the AOs. The essay is meant to give them a glimpse at how you think, and a display of your values. That being said, I think telling the story about your friend is a good hook and story, but tying it all to your love for medicine or how you’ve grown somehow is going to be what they’re looking for. I just wanted to make sure you would write something building off of the story, because it’s a great story and you can really write a good essay with it!
First of all, I had a mutual friend with Lane and followed him on Caringbridge. He had such a rough go of it. I’m sorry for your loss.
As to the essay, pulling all of these ideas together sounds intriguing, but I’m wondering how it’s all going to fit. You only have 650 words to work with. I’m especially concerned about that because, while it’s great to show how your interest in medicine was rooted in these experiences, you really need to show who you are as a person now… and the focus you’re describing is from a much earlier time in your life - 7th grade and prior. It’s fine to mention events from that long ago but the primary focus should be much more recent, and should paint a vivid picture of the young adult who hopes to become part of the college community where you’re applying. To accomplish this, I think you’re going to have to distill the experiences when you were younger down to the essentials.
There’s nothing wrong, of course, with starting out with a draft that includes all of the ideas above and the unifying theme of Laffy Taffy. (Even if you decided against this topic for your common app essay, it would still be wonderful to write a memoir and tribute along these lines.) I just think that you’re going to find that it turns into a much more ambitious piece of writing than the common app will accommodate, and then you’re going to have to figure out how to cut a lot of length and anchor the essay in the present.
Thank you! I’m glad I’ve found someone else who knows Lane’s story on here. He was a huge part of my life. And you bring up some good points, as I had also thought about this being too far into the past- and it would make for quite a long story. I’m actually working on some drafts right now and will let you know if I decide on another story or if I can figure out a way to incorporate myself as a young adult all within 650 words. Thank you!