<p>Sorry…but I agree with KayF. If finances are not a consideration, that’s one thing. But since the finances seem to be a FAMILY issue, then having the mom in this family work should at least be considered. The dad is saying that he can’t ask the mom to cut back on her spending…and this might affect ability to finance college at a higher level. These kids are not babies, and should be able to help with the household…doing their own laundry, helping prepare meals, driving to ECs. </p>
<p>If college costs are a significant consideration, then in my opinion it is a LUXURY to not work…and luxuries need to be carefully evaluated when the big money college years come along.</p>
<p>Encouraging D1, D2, and D3 to earn some money during their summer vacations and/or through part-time jobs during the school year isn’t necessarily about making buckets of money. Rather it is about giving them some basic job skills that might lead to a better summer or school-year job in the future, affording them the opportunity to have another aspect of life in which they can feel successful, and preparing them to shoulder some of the burden of the cost of their educations a bit further down the line - what many parents here describe as “skin in the game”.</p>
<p>So yes, I would encourage any of the three daughters who have never held a paying job to get one, even if it is just babysitting or dog walking, and even if it is only for the summer. </p>
<p>Whether or not it makes sense for the mom in this family to increase her work hours is an entirely different thing. Without looking intensely (if not to say invasively) into the details of this family’s budget and home life, none of us have enough information to make meaningful suggestions to this other mom about how she should best be using her time.</p>
<p>I agree that the Ds should work summers and part-time to cover their own “pocket money” expenses. </p>
<p>The mom DOES work part-time. She’s not a “non-worker”. It doesn’t sound like all the younger Ds are old enough to drive yet, so mom may be needed to do some of that. </p>
<p>Yes, the Ds can help out at home, they probably already do. </p>
<p>However, as someone whose H has worked 60 hour work weeks and traveled a LOT while our kids were growing up, when I did work full time, it was crazy. H wasn’t able to do anything around the house, and I wasn’t getting home until 6:30 every night. Things were falling thru the cracks like crazy. We realized that it just didn’t work well to have me work that many hours when H couldn’t help out at all with the kids, pets, home, etc. </p>
<p>We know that the mom in this case works part-time. If she can work some more hours, then fine. But to imply that she’s not pulling her share, when she may be doing a whole heck of a lot, may not be fair. Being married to a self-employed professional (lawyer, doctor, etc) usually means carrying a much larger load at home because the spouses are working 50-60 hour work weeks.</p>
<p>Getting back to SD, I agree with mom2collegekids, to have her look at some of the 2 year programs. City College of San Francisco has some very interesting looking programs and that an artistic kid could put her talents to use and maybe expand into her own business some day. They have computer graphics, film, photography, landscape design, florist training, marketing, culinary, fashion design, web design, graphic arts and many more. </p>
<p>Would it be possible for her to dual enroll for senior year, or maybe just take an interesting class over the summer or even in the evening during the school year? It could give her a way to get out of the shadow of your daughter, or ignite a passion in SD.</p>
<p>*to have her look at some of the 2 year programs. City College of San Francisco has some very interesting looking programs and that an artistic kid could put her talents to use and maybe expand into her own business some day. </p>
<p>They have computer graphics, film, photography, landscape design, florist training, marketing, culinary, fashion design, web design, graphic arts and many more. *</p>
<p>Wow…such great offerings for an artistic student who also has a good work ethic! (but may not be that academically strong.) I think it would be nice if both parents took a day and toured what this school has to offer in these areas. The florist training seems very interesting to me. lol</p>
<p>I just wanted to say one more thing about how much wives work or don’t work outside the home. Each household is different. Some women work “full time” but are home by 4 pm (my teacher SIL, who is also home every summer). Some women have helpful, or very helpful H’s who understand that their working wives can’t “do it all” child care wise and home chore-wise. Some have H’s that literally work 60+ hours per week. Some have H’s that just can’t/won’t do stuff around the house at all. (yes, there still are some guys out there that aren’t “sexist”, but they have every excuse in the book for not doing laundry, toilets, floors, cooking, etc. And, some have such ridiculously low cleaning standards that the wife has to redo the chore for sanitary sake.) Therefore, we can’t just outright judge why some wives don’t work outside the home, or why they only work part-time. Many of those wives may be up at the crack of dawn and still doing chores at 9pm at night, 7 days a week.</p>
<p>A lot of what is being discussed are family decisions, parenting, step parenting, SAHM vs part time vs full time, austerity regiments, differences in how much will be spent per child. There is no right answer to any of these things, other than finding what works the best for everyone involved. </p>
<p>OP can see what the situation is now for college for his D1 and that financial aid is not likely with his income. He also now can see that merit money in the amounts that exceed what the state schools will cost is highly unlikely too, in most circumstances, without looking at schools that don’t have the ratings, reputation, recognition that the Cal States and UCs have. Gotta look hard and get lucky to find those possibilities. So OP is going into this now with these facts all in hand which is a lot more and much better than what I too often see. </p>
<p>I have seen parents truly deluded as to what they think they are going to get in money for their brilliant kid’s college choices. They think that because they are in debt or that a NCP isn’t going to pay, that colleges will ante up. They find out that a 2100 SAT, though excellent is no guarantee of even half a ride, especially if a well known school is involved, and that merit aid is not even given at a lot of the top schools. Friends of ours still hurt from when their double legacy was not enough of a hook for their DD to get accepted and that the schools that accepted here wanted every bit as much money as the ivies. That their income was all earmarked for necessary expenses was not an acceptable reason for financial aid, Nope, not all, and though in their area, their income and standard of living was far from luxurious, and they figured it was modest. The OP knows the scoop now and what the cost of likely options are going to be.</p>
<p>I think cptofthehouse summed it up pretty well. I have learned SO MUCH from this thread. I am now a lot more realistic about what kind of aid is out there and how to go about paying for my kids’ education. In the matter of a few days, I have gone from naive optimism to frustrated reality back to optimism again, but a smarter optimism with a list of colleges for D1 to consider that never would have been on the radar before. Without this thread, I easily could have remained in dreamland until next April when the reality of crappy financial aid offers slammed me in the face. Thank you all for your contributions. This is probably a good place to end this thread…</p>
<p>Just wanted to wish you and your daughters luck. Stop back by and give us an update when you start getting choices. It’s always good to hear back from people.</p>