<p>So I'm at that age in life where I am old enough to make my dreams a reality. Ever since I was a little kid I always said I wanted to go to Berklee College of Music in Boston. My parents never really said anything because they never thought I was serious about it. Now I am 19 years old and was about to apply when my parents told me that I could do no such thing. That Boston was too far (we are from California) and it's too dangerous for a girl to be on her own. Finances aren't a problem. It's the distance that they have a problem with. I just got back from a Berklee school tour and I want to go more than ever but my parents are set in stone that I will NOT go there. I have no idea what to do. On one hand, I want to live my dream. On the other hand, I don't want to disrespect my parents. (I've always been the obedient child) Any opinions?</p>
<p>Time to sit down and have a heart to heart discussion. If they are paying, you will ultimately need their approval before you can go.</p>
<p>First, try to get admitted. It’s VERY difficult.
Have a plan B.
Berklee is a very prestigious music school. What school would they have you apply that’s equivalent in prestige and level?</p>
<p>@happy1 Thanks, they will not be funding my tuition.</p>
<p>@MYSO1632 I am aware that they only admit 20% of all applicants, but I have been practicing music for many years now, and I am pretty confident in myself. That being said, I do have backup schools. (: </p>
<p>If you are 19–an adult-- and you are paying your own way, just go ahead and apply. If you get in, your parents will get used to the idea. Berklee is not in a bad (dangerous) area. Go for it, your parents will “forgive” you.</p>
<p>If you’re paying your own way, you can make your own choice. I’ve spent a summer at Berklee and it is in a fine neighborhood. Part of the process of growing up is becoming comfortable with disappointing your parents; they’ll get over it and so will you.</p>
<p>Now that I’ve said that, let me switch hats a minute and try to convince you not to go. Berklee is amazing, no doubt, but it also has an abysmal graduation rate. I work in a town full of musicians, and I’ve yet to meet one who <em>finished</em> at Berklee but I know plenty who hung out there for a few semesters. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and some of their dropouts go on to be quite famous (e.g. Rivers Cuomo, Quincy Jones). But if you really want to finish a degree, you might want to look at a school that is more likely to carry you through that enterprise to the bitter end. You could always do a summer term or two at Berklee as a complement to wherever you end up doing your primary studies.</p>
<p>OK, devil’s advocate hat off. Just consider it food for thought.</p>
<p>Good luck with the application. If you do go there, you’ll have a marvelous <indeterminate amount="" of="" time="">!</indeterminate></p>
<p><<<
I just got back from a Berklee school tour </p>
<br>
<br>
<p>???</p>
<p>How were you able to fund a trip to Berklee from Calif if your parents don’t want you to go to that school??? Are you saying that they PAID for a campus visit for a school that they won’t let you attend? That makes no sense.</p>
<br>
<br>
<p>??</p>
<p>Unless you have a big bank account somewhere, WHO will be paying for your college costs? YOU can’t borrow that much. YOU can only borrow $5500 for frosh year. That won’t make a dent in the tuition.</p>
<p>@mom2collegekids I paid for that trip myself.</p>
<p>Ok…how will you pay for 4 years at Berklee? Do you have a trust fund or something?</p>
<p>There are a lot of Berklee graduates in California. Call the alumni relations department and tell them you would like to speak to some graduates about their programs. Arrange to have your parents meet with these graduates and ask their questions. There are plenty of very successful graduates. Maybe choose one (or more) of them? Of course, continue to apply in parallel.</p>
<p>Boston is not too far- there are non-stop flights from SFO and LAX that only take about 6 hours each way. And there’s Skype and FaceTime.</p>
<p>And maybe get a glossy photo-book of Back Bay Boston, to show them the area.</p>
<p>It is always good to get buy-in; besides you will be cultivating a valuable skill. Sometimes you don’t <em>technically</em> need something, but wouldn’t it be great to have your parents’ blessing? Sharing the joys of a cafe on Newbury Street, etc. would be a real plus.</p>
<p>You only told your side of the story. Go back and look inwardly at the REAL reasons for their reluctance, and try to address those with them.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>@mom2collegekids First of all, I’m not going for 4 years. I plan to transfer as a junior next semester. Secondly, I am not comfortable discussing my finances online with someone I don’t know. But as I stated before, finances are not the issue here. It’s the fact that my parents don’t believe that a girl can’t go off to college alone. </p>
<p>If you are over 18 and do not need any money or financial aid form cooperation from your parents, do you really need their approval at all?</p>
<p>@ItsJustSchool Thanks for your comment! I actually took my mother with me to Boston (Berklee Tour) and she loved the city, and thought the school was great. She just said that she can’t stand the thought of her daughter going off another city, yet alone a state by herself. We are a Hispanic family, and the majority of the Hispanic culture (first generation) has the mentality that women are defenseless and need a man to take care of them at all times, and in all aspects. I didn’t clarify that earlier, but that is the mentality of my parents. </p>
<p>posters, she does need their approval because she’d like to have a home to which to return, whatever form home takes. she’s clearly saying she’s not comfortable being on her own in a couple years or with what she thinks is showing her parents quite a bit of disrespect. We don’t know what the repercussions of that perceived disrespect is, but she does and right now she’d like to avoid it.</p>
<p>setting out for the territories is a long-respected tradition in the American imagination, but it isn’t respected in all American families or ethnicities, especially where young women are involved.</p>
<p>having said that, I’m all for talking to your parents about whatever it is that concerns them about your living so far from them, and telling them why it means so much to you to go to Berklee (a friend of mine, a bassist, teaches there, and it is a wonderful school for musicians). such conversations can only strengthen your appreciation for each other.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Excellent advice. Try to empathize with their perspective and address their true concerns. If your mom came on the tour, I have a hard time imagining their disapproval is incontrovertible. Your explanation about Hispanic cultural attitudes may be part of it, but that’s a rational explanation that doesn’t really dig into why these two specific people who love you don’t want you to go away to this particular school. </p>
<br>
<br>
<p>Well, this needs to be addressed sooner or later. Even if you stayed where you are, after you graduate, you will still be a “defenseless female,” so what next? Are they going to forbid you from taking a job elsewhere? forbid you from taking business trips? Forbid you from going to grad school elsewhere? </p>
<p>Unless you address this now, they will always use the “respect parents” hammer to keep you under their thumb. If you have the financial means, go. They will get over it. They’re not going to disown you.</p>
<p>When I first read the initial post I immediately thought - “Hispanic girl” and that turned out to be the case. Our high school (inner city, selective enrollment) has a Spanish language program that the guidance counselors hold for Latino parents to address the issue of girls going away to college. The counselors make parents aware of Catholic universities, single sex dorms, no alcohol/drug/partying dorms etc. This is a real issue in the Latino community and many high performing female students often have to turn down full ride scholarships to out of state schools because of parental pressure. It is usually the fathers position; moms can understand but they are submissive to the husband. I think your parents and specifically your father, need to hear from a respected, trusted adult, from your community, who could convince them away from their position.</p>
<p>^^
This is true. I’m from Southern California, and often there had to be an army of faculty convincing Hispanic parents to let their smart D’s go away to school…often on full rides.</p>
<p>At the time, there were articles in the paper every spring about these issues. </p>
<p>Another issue, but I don’t know if that is the case here…The parents were concerned that their highly educated D’s would turn their backs on the family/culture.</p>
<p>I don’t think that issue is the case, here, because this girl’s parents are allowing her an education.</p>
<p>I think the issue is often not education per se but have to do with the daughter not living at home until marriage, premarital sex and these kinds of issues which are typical in patriarchal cultures. The sons are, of course, free to do as they please.</p>