Could someone critique my commonapp essay

<p>I need someone to critique the ideas and conventions. Thanks!</p>

<p>the prompt is: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.</p>

<p>I talk about my experience in robotics club and why i decided to major in engineering.</p>

<p>bumpity bump</p>

<p>Ill take a look</p>