Could you please score my essay?

<p>Could you please score my essay and give me some feedback on my weak spots? Thank you!
I do have one question:
How many examples does a typical 12 Essay have?</p>

<p>Time has a doomsday book, on whose pages he is continually recording illustrious names. But as often as a new name is written there, an old one disappears. Only a few stand in illuminated characters never to be effaced.
--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow</p>

<p>So, what do you think? Are there some heroes who will be remembered forever? Or are all heroes doomed to be forgotten one day? Support your answer with examples.</p>

<p>Answer:
The doomsday clock is ticking, yet those whose alarm rang thousands of years ago are still remembered today. The names of ordinary people aren't listed in our history books, but the names of heroes are. People whom we consider heroes are great inventors, thinkers, artists, and revolutionists. Are heroes' names immortal, or will their light eventually fade away? Heroes are never forgotten because their deeds have left an impact of the universe, their life stories are passed down from generation to generation, and their characteristics are role models for kids and adults.</p>

<p>To begin with, heroes' deeds leave an impact on the world. It can be a new country or a scientific principle. For example, Isaac Newton's laws and theories are still used today to explain or predict motion, gravity, and inertia. We use his famous Three Laws of Motion to explain why objects in the universe stop eventually or move when a force pushes or pulls it in any direction. His gravitational theories have advanced science today. Since these principles are moving around us all the time, we can't forget Newton who discovered this all in the first place. Isaac Newton, a hero in the eyes of many, will always be remembered due to the way he affected the world.</p>

<p>Secondly, heroes' life stories are passed down from generation to generation, making them impossible to forget. For instance, Greek myths about Greek heroes are passed from parent to child in Greece. Legends about Heracles's twelve labors and Achilles's great courage are told today because of this. Furthermore, history books tell us about people like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Franklin D. Roosevelt every year. The cycle will never stop as long as humans exist. Greek myths and school history books remind us of long-dead heroes and will continue to do this.</p>

<p>Finally, heroes' characteristics are role models today for adults and kids alike. Mother Teresa's life works have inspired others in the present to join or start organizations like the Red Cross to help the poor and needy. Because of the number of followers she gained now and then, it is almost impossible to forget her and her work. The number of people who follow in her steps grows every year. Thus, more people every year remember her and uphold her legacy. Since many idolize Mother Teresa, she, as a hero, can't be forgotten.</p>

<p>A hero's impacts, stories, and characteristics that others model are what makes an unforgettable person that even time can't erase. Isaac Newton's works show how much we rely on heroes' impacts today. Greek myths and school history books pass along information of heroes to every generation. Mother Teresa's acts have inspired others to do the same, like many other heroes. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once said, "Time has a doomsday book, on whose pages he is continually recording illustrious names. But as often as a new name is written there, an old one disappears. Only a few stand in illuminated characters never to be effaced." Looks like those illuminated characters are going to shine on and frustrate time some more.</p>

<p>5 out of 6</p>

<p>Well done! I think this can get anywhere between a 10 and a 12 if it was on the real thing. I would give it a 5 out of 6. It would be a six, but I think your second paragraph/example could be a little stronger—the first and third examples were solid and concrete. </p>

<p>To answer your other question, I think most 12 essays have three solid examples.</p>

<p>Good job, and good luck. :)</p>

<p>Thank you puzzled123 and texguy!</p>

<p>I do have one question:
How many examples does a typical 12 Essay have?
</p>

<p>There is nothing “typical” about a 12. That’s why (and because) twelves are atypical.</p>

<p>The number of examples doesn’t matter so much as how effective they are and where they appear (and why they appear where they do). </p>

<p>Some of you guys are letting “format” control YOU when the job is to show that you are in charge of the writing task.</p>

<p>This one’s a four.</p>

<p>I’d give this a 5 out of 6, pretty much same reasoning as texguy, and also that it could’ve been more clear and concise in areas. I was told to introduce my prongs briefly in the introduction as well (by at least specifically mentioning Newton, Greek heroes, and Mother Teresa in the context of their impact) and it worked for me so that might help. Although minor, some higher level vocabulary would also help, around the level of the later sentence completion questions.</p>

<p>And I’d say 2-3 examples is a good number. jkjeremy is correct in that it is about how you handle the examples, but if you’re writing a standard ‘here is my thesis, these are my examples, here is my argument, follow my logic’ type essay, 2-3 is probably sufficient. I tend to like two because it allows you sufficient time to develop your points thoroughly but if you write fast three is the ‘magic number’. One is a bit too little though and four+ is excessive.</p>

<p>Hope this helps.</p>