Critique my essay please?

<p>I just finished a draft for prompt 1, UW-Madison:</p>

<p>The University of Wisconsin values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally, and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?</p>

<p>my concerns-
not personal enough?
does it answer the question?
is it cliche? </p>

<p>please do not hold back any of your thoughts for fear of offending me- all criticisms are appreciated</p>

<p>one more thing- any suggestions on shrinking this to 300 words for another university?</p>

<p>Your help is greatly appreciated, i will PM you the essay.</p>

<p>I’ll take a look at it</p>

<p>Thank you, PM’ed it.</p>

<p>anyone else?</p>

<p>bubububump</p>

<p>I’ll read it.</p>