<p>It would be greatly appreciated!</p>
<p>I’d be more than happy to read your essays!</p>
<p>Thank you!</p>
<p>I can’t private message you because I am on a junior member yet, so I will try to make it as vague as possible for the sake of your privacy (because we both know that there are people out there who wouldn’t mind stealing other people’s work). </p>
<p>In the second prompt in which you describe why you would like to attend UM, omit the opening phrase, “Hail…” because it is a cliche. Many applicants use some type of phrase similar to that, so it does not help you to stand out. </p>
<p>In addition, the closing paragraph in your first prompt (in which you describe your place in your community) is very strong. It definitely leaves a lasting impression, and I can hear your voice through your writing.
However, when you are describing your community in the body paragraphs, you include so many descriptions that it gets a bit predictable. I can tell that all you’ll be doing for a couple of sentences is praising your community. Instead, keep a few of your most favorite descriptions, and very briefly write about how your first day was like in your s*****(I put * to cover up the rest of the sake of your privacy. I hope you can tell what the word is.) Or you can briefly write about one of your most memorable moments in your community. Try and steer away from having too many filler sentences like, "The bright sun blinded my eyes as I first stepped into building. I am sure that people could feel the nervousness radiating off of me. "</p>