<p>^^^ Pizzagirl, that makes me chuckle. Wine country in Northern California here. Chit chat in the grocery store is not fakey-fake, it’s how we entertain ourselves. We are either talking to friends and neighbors or travelers who have come a long way to visit. It’s pretty interesting, and besides we’re not in that much of a rush.</p>
<p>I’ve lived most of my life on the East coast, and we vacation in New England quite frequently, so I’ve been up and down the coast. I’ve also gone to college in the midwest as did my brother, and I can tell you from experience that midwesterners are much friendlier, not to say that there aren’t friendly people out East as well, but as a generalization, they’re friendlier the more West you go. </p>
<p>I’ve been to CA as well, and I have to say that those people kinda drove me crazy! Everything was really sloooowww and laid back. Yes, they were friendly, but I wanted them to move faster! LOL! Dinner took way too long at a restaurant, and people just were not in a hurry at all. </p>
<p>Here on the East coast, we are always running, doing, going, and moving on to the next thing. You have to think fast and go, which sometimes makes people a wee bit nasty and pushy. “Stress” is our middle name. We hate to wait, and we hate incompetent service, and we’re not afraid to tell you. On the highway, it’s every man for himself, and the speed limit is just a suggestion. We work too much and relax too little. Maybe we all need vacations in CA!</p>
<p>Now, of course, I exaggerate a little, but there are definitely differences between east and west coasts. I enjoyed being in the midwest because it was a friendlier, nicer place to be. But I could totally understand someone coming from CA and not liking the east coast. It’s an adjustment.</p>
<p>I agree that wine country chit chat is not “fake”. I am truly interested in the people I run into. And wine country is different from San Francisco, which is different from Sacramento, which is different from Davis, which is different from Vallejo, and S. Tahoe, and that, from N. Tahoe, and Modesto…</p>
<p>Another thing I noticeD when I moved here was the open space. I was thinking " what’s wrong with that (open) space? Why is nothing BUILT there? Now I want to PROTECT open space; what could they build that would be better than THAT?</p>
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<p>It wasn’t always live and let live in my old NYC neighborhood…but people generally will not make a big deal of inter-racial marriages/relationships as you’ve noted. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, one negative aspect of attending college in a small rural Midwest town was that even in the mid-late '90s…many local town residents would openly stare or sometimes even openly catcall/harass inter-racial couples. </p>
<p>Not only that, the level of racial intolerance among some of the less enlightened town residents was such that it felt close to what I recalled from watching films about the South before and during the Civil Rights movement. </p>
<p>One ne’er do well local who seemed to be 18-20 not only yelled racial epithets towards me, but even attempted to start a fight when I responded with a one-fingered salute as many more polite born & bred NYC residents from my old neighborhood would in similar situations. Just as we were about to start exchanging blows, he noticed a police car coming up from 2 blocks away and opted to get back in his car and get out of dodge. </p>
<p>In another instance, I was stopped by some busybody townspeople for the seeming crime of speaking Mandarin Chinese to a group of classmates. Those jerks said something about “Here in America, you speak English”. I angrily retorted that “According to the First Amendment of the US Constitution, I have the right to use whatever damned language I please…and besides, what’s it to ya?!!” Not too surprisingly…they skittered off and hopefully learned to stop being overbearing jackasses.</p>
<p>Chit chat in the grocery store is not fakey-fake</p>
<p>I like talking with the clerks in the grocery store. I see some of them around the neighborhood & we have been going to the same grocery for 25 years- with many of the same clerks.</p>
<p>I am too grumpy to have to work with the public in that way- but I appreciate their chit chat & sometimes it really perks me up.</p>
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<p>I hear that offensive phrase here in California too, although the language tends to be Spanish rather than Chinese. Maybe the difference is that it’s usually whites grumbling to other whites, rather than saying it directly to the non-English speaker. Because we’re so laid-back and friendly, you know. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Shrinkrap made an interesting point. I had a boyfriend who moved to the west from Manhattan, he’d spent most of his life in the NE. The open spaces actually freaked him out, he felt very wary and exposed. He also told me that I had no sense of style and that we westerns would get eaten alive in the east because we are so darn SLOW. Eventually he moved back to his comfort zone. I can imagine that some westerners would feel discomfort going the opposite way. Of course, there are plenty of people who make the adjustments more readily.</p>
<p>Cobrat, unfortunately, your experience from a decade ago probably still holds true today. White people are only friendly to other white people. I would not want to be part of an interracial family in the Midwest.</p>
<p>Wow, I never knew that chit chat among strangers was considered fake! I often talk to people I barely know in the local stores. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I had no idea that being polite and talking to strangers was odd or semi-rude.</p>
<p>As a traveler, I’ve noticed that people in the south are much, much friendlier. Ask directions? They’ll offer to escort you over. They’ll see the out of state license plates and start talking. True, this is mostly in rural areas where the pace of life is slower. </p>
<p>One difference I’ve noticed may make some of you easterners and southerners mad. Here in California, I consider myself to be too heavy compared to my friends. I feel so much thinner when I go to the south or east. I traveled back east a couple of months ago, Pennsylvania, Maryland, West Virginia. People are a lot heavier.</p>
<p>One reason why California seems so welcoming to me is that when you move here, no one ever makes you feel like an outsider by asking where you are from. When I lived in Chicago, people asked “What high school did you go to?” or “Are you a north sider or a south sider, a Cubs fan or a White Sox fan?” If you weren’t from Chicago, you were sort of excluded in conversations that ‘home towned’ you. In California, half of the people are from somewhere else. The question of where you grew up almost never comes up.</p>
<p>When my kids were little there was so much talk about how they should deal with strangers. Of course,I know no strangers, and more than once, after listening to me chat with someone, my then little ones would ask whether I knew the person I was talking with. Poor kids. Mixed messages.</p>
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<p>Growing up in Manhattan, I was freaked out by the open spaces in rural Connecticut when I went to summer camp there for a few years beginning when I was 11. Every time we went hiking in the woods, I half-expected a psychopathic serial killer to pop out from behind the next tree.</p>
<p>I’m a native Southerner who has lived in the Midwest for over 20 years with stints in the northeast as well. To me, the big difference isn’t East versus West (or North versus South) - it’s more rural versus urban. In general, residents of small towns (or even more rural areas) are more laid-back and chattier, whether they live in the Midwest or Northeast, while city-living is faster-paced. Just my opinion, of course…</p>
<p>Fun thread! I took a masters degree at UMass/Amherst in Land Use Planning. Among the most fascinated students was one who arrived from Montana. He said, when he first rode into Amherst, he experienced the town as “unfindable.” To him, the whole community was “covered over by a tree canopy.” While he often missed the Open Sky, he said he enjoyed going to classes and renting an apartment “in a treehouse.” </p>
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KathieP, my freshman roommate from Delaware was the person who first opened my eyes to regional differences in terms. No big culture gaps, just terms. We went for an ice cream cone, and I ordered a topping of “jimmies” (Baltimorese). She insisted they were “dit-dits” (Wilmington). This amused a Bostonian ice-cream dipper who asked if we needed “Sprinkles.” All this happened in rural Ohio at an LAC that prides itself for taking students from all 50 states.</p>
<p>When I moved to a quiet N Cal suburb, I used to think “who will hear my screaming and pounding on the walls when I am assaulted in my home?” </p>
<p>I NEVER hear an automobile horn here. NEVER. </p>
<p>In NYC, horns blow when there is absolutely nothing ( that I can sees) can be done about the situation. </p>
<p>In NYC it seemed imperative to keep things moving. While walking, crossing the street, entering the subway, efficiency of movement and space was critical! Slow walkers move to the right! If you are not going to actually walk while on an escalator, move to the right! Did you NOT see that the light three blocks up has changed, meaning you can start crossing the street NOW! This is a one way street! No need to look BOTH ways before crossing!</p>
<p>paying3tuitions - I worked at an ice cream parlor in a Delaware beach and we put jimmies on the cones. I never heard of dit-dits!</p>
<p>^Oh no! I’m going to wring my roommate’s neck. I mean we really had a row over it! ::lurching for my alumni directory::</p>
<p>We are from Orange County, CA and our DD just completed her first semester of freshman year with flying colors and minimal adjustment issues. Interestingly she said that of her friends, the one who had the most adjustment issues has a parent that works for the school, and family that lives 15 minutes from campus! Her other friends are from Iowa, Colorado, and San Diego. She indicated that she thinks that they had an easier time because they KNEW it was going to be a huge transition, there was no “going home” on weekends, and they had in their head that this is where they lived now. My brother is bicoastal, and he warned her before she moved of the huge differences in culture there (faster paced, pushier, higher percentage of non-Christians, need for knowing where you came from, etc.) When I asked her, she said that she has not struggled with this at all, and really doesn’t notice the difference. What does bother her, and was a big adjustment according to her, is the homogenity of the people she interacts with. At home, she has a 12 year old sister, a 95 year old grandma, parents, cousins… She said that it was a bit challenging to transition to ONLY being around 18 - 22 year olds 24/7. I watched her struggle with this at Thanksgiving - you speak differently to people your own age, and she was visibly struggling with readjusting to varied communication styles. I was shocked that she would think of this on her own without my commenting. I do think that the difference between OC and Boston is probably far less than Boston and Northern CA unless it is San Francisco. I think No Ca, Oregon, and Washington have their own “vibe” that is much more varied from Boston thank fast paced and crowded OC.</p>
<p>^ My (son goes to school with a of OC kids, and) came home calling girls chicks!!!</p>
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<p>It can be genuine, or it can be fake. Most times when I’m out and about doing errands, however, I’m in my own head and I’m not interested in chit-chat, as I’m thinking something through. That doesn’t mean I’ll be rude, but it does mean I’m not interested in more than minor amounts of that chit-chat. This is classic introvert vs extrovert behavior, though.</p>