For my daughters, any bad overnight was a deal killer. Based on that and the fact that you informed the school that it went poorly, the coach could be trying to smooth things over and salvage a chance of getting him. But the purpose of the overnight is to see if the match is good…it sounds like it is not. (Edited to say that this echoes what @politeperson said above, which I am now just seeing)
@jmk518 the school is a good fit academically. He loved the classes and the professors he met. But he is on the high side for grades and scores and he didn’t match socially with the XC student he stayed with. I was with him on that overnight trip and I just loved the school until he told me about the overnight part.
Then it might come down to how important the athletic side is to him. My daughter runs XCTF and spends 20+ hours with her teammates just training… plus they eat, live and travel together. But the fit is perfect and it all comes together socially for her. If she did not like the team and needed to maintain another social group, it would be very difficult and something would probably give. If the issue at the overnight was really about the host and not the team, maybe he could go back for another visit.
In terms of fit with team culture, I’d be cautious about generalizing too much if the negative interactions were from 1-2 athletes in a big group like XCTF. Many recruiting hosts are first years and, especially in the fall, can still be in the mindset of “showing off” how “mature” they are, regaling prospies with tales of wild partying. Some of it may be exaggeration, some of it may be real. We saw that some athletes, especially those whose competitiveness meant they stayed away from drinking and smoking entirely in high school, did experiment with party life in the fall of first year. But, within a couple months, they backed off and got back to their no-or-limited partying once they realized they couldn’t meet their goals academically or athletically if they kept it up. So, your son may have spent time with someone who was still in the show off/stupid decision phase of adjusting to college themselves and the whole team is not that way. And in terms of being a cold, unhelpful host, yes, it helps the coach to know someone is not presenting a good image of the team to prospies and the coach won’t use them more for hosting.
Bottom line, if the school seemed a good fit in other ways, keep it on the list as an active possibility and try to make it back for indoor and TF season to hang out at some competitions, see the athletes interact together, and how the athletes’ families interact together and with the athletes. Are kids encouraging each other, cheering each other, commiserating together? Are families interacting, engaged with others? My own view is that could reveal a lot about team culture which would be more representative of an athlete’s prospective experience.
@Midwestmomofboys The host was indeed a freshman. I really feel like colleges should use sophomores for hosts. This school talks a big game about community and this host didn’t seem to get that at all. I’m willing to say it’s because he was a freshman and had only been on campus for a short time. But the school accepted him and that’s the thing that mostly bothered S19. Does the school look for kids who are friendly and welcoming and looking for that community culture or not? If they do, they didn’t choose this kid well. Maybe our expectations are too high. I don’t know. S19 did meet a upperclassman soccer player in the breakouts who seemed terrific. He thinks he could find his people there. And, honestly, he doesn’t have to run if the team isn’t a match for him.
Your advice is good. Of course, the school stays on the list and, depending on what happens with acceptances, he would indeed visit again and look for all of the things you suggest. Thanks!
After reading through all this, I’m looking forward to hearing about the discussion. Please do keep us updated.
Great job BTW - sounds like the coach likes your kid!!
My daughter’s coach did know about the merit award when we went for a visit. She’d asked for a transcript and ACT scores, so the admissions office did tell her how much D would get. When I questioned it, all the coach could say was “That’s what they told me.” Turns out they didn’t have the latest ACT score so the merit was much higher.
The coach could only tell us what she’d ben told by the admissions office and athletic office, but they do communicate.
@twoinanddone this school’s merit is holistic, not by ACT or SAT score and grades. 22 percent of kids get merit. I really feel like he won’t be able to tell us if S19 will get merit. I’ve seen posts on CC where kids with 35s didn’t even get merit. Some didn’t even get in. They don’t really gain anything by telling us his merit now anyway since he’s RD and will wait for all of the rest of his RD school answers.
You know, @homerdog, that we are all dying for this meeting to happen and for you to report back…
@gardenstategal lol. Watch it be a whole lot of nothing. He buys us a Starbucks and chit chats about school and then tells S19 good luck in admissions.
^ He can’t pay for the Starbucks, lol. Good luck with the meeting, and please let us know how it goes
@Ohiodad51 well that’s good to know. Even for D3? He asked for the meeting but I’m paying for the refreshments. Who knew?
Yeah, they can’t pay for anything.
This summer I took my kid to an Ivy for a recruit day, it was approximately 98 degrees that day and the group was escorted into a room that was kind of stuffy for a group meeting. Before we all went in the guide told us that we might want to walk over to vending machine and buy some bottled waters to survive the meeting. They. could not offer us free bottled water, LOL!!
Neither of my kids were ever offered anything on visits, and most coaches went out of their way to let us know they could not provide ANYTHING.
On official overnight visits the kids can get food, parking etc., but they aren’t walking out with swag bags of school logo goodies
@homerdog, I admittedly know less about D3 recruiting than D1, but I do not believe there is a difference in whether coaches can pay for stuff, particularly around off campus contacts. The on campus rules are strange, and there are times schools can provide basic refreshments, snacks, etc. and times they can’t. Auburn got in trouble a few years ago because they provided personalized cookies (with the player’s high school jersey number written in icing). If I remember correctly, providing cookies was ok, but the icing was a violation. The NCAA is just weird.
@Ohiodad51 Hilarious! I guess they should have sent someone around to scrape off the icing…
When my dad was head of the Men’s Athletic Council at UT-Austin, I remember him expressing frustration with all the rules. UT tries REALLY hard to follow the rules, but the NCAA does not make it easy. 
D3 has unlimited OV, so can provide refreshments and just make every contact an OV.
When my daughter visited a D3 school, the coach tried to keep to the D1 OV rules and said she could only be on campus for 48 hours, but really she could have just done back-to-back visits if she wanted to stay longer.
@twoinanddone Don’t OV and UV rules only pertain to on campus meetings? OP’s family is meeting coach off campus
Yeah D3 off campus meetings are weird too, I don’t think the coaches can actually meet with the kids off campus before senior year if I remember correctly. They can interact at a camp/clinic but no face to face meeting at a Starbucks or residence.
One D3 coach told us once he might see us in the stands at an upcoming event but the rules prohibited him from talking to us so please don’t be offended if he didn’t say hi and just walks on by, LOL. What a dumb rule.
OP’s kid is a senior so not an issue