We are in the same situation as you, only with a biology major. Numerous offers to play but agonizing over the decision where to go, play or not to play. This is a lot for a 17 year old.
Fwiw, any kid who is recruitable at any level will have a hard time imagining their life without their sport because, well, they have never known that. Most have been playing most of their lives and have gotten a lot of positives out of it.
And then, many many college athletes find that in an environment so filled with opportunities, they are not so excited about playing anymore.
Of course, not allā¦ But while youāre working through these decisions, itās really helpful to think about this in that framework. The future is really theoretical in that sense. But sometimes thinking about how you got there and what itās providing can be a good way to assess where itās likely to fit in your near future.
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ā¦and for a parent.
I struggle with it. Do I:
a- encourage her to attend a school that is a solid safety and much less prestigious, but where she can play her sport and get a great education at a great price. Is this aiming too low?
b- have the hard conversation that school is more important than sports, and that her hard work can pay off via admission to a very prestigious school. I know club sports exists, but for a kid who has played at a high level for a long time, its not even a factor.
I havenāt done either directly. I am hoping she processes this on her own and makes the right choice for her.
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Before you put too much thought into this, make sure that the team your daughter is interested in has a history of student athletes who were engineering majors. You donāt want her to pick a school specifically because she could do both only to find itās not really feasible to do both.
BUT there are plenty of DIII teams that have many engineering majors on them. Being part of a varsity team is a great opportunity, so long as it is how she wants to spend her college years.
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I could have written your post.
We are struggling with the exact same questions. Her academics and sports make her recruitable at some really prestigious schools. She has offers at a couple great schools, but also offers at some less prestigious schools that she knows will save a ton of money for us. But thereās a couple of D1 schools she loves, but doesnāt want the stress of playing at that level.
Sheās at a loss what to do. The coaches are starting to ask her for a commitment and sheās running out of time. Open to any insight from parents that have been through this. I keep telling her itās up to her, but she says she doesnāt know how to choose. 
So many potential considerations here, including what school/coach/team she likes best, what major(s) sheās considering, whether the parents and/or her would need to take out more than the $27K in student loans for the more expensive schools, etc.
In terms of making the choice, can she eliminate any options easily?
In terms of experiencing more stress playing D1, that could be true, but also might not be. I am not sure what stress she means eitherā¦time commitment? travel? limitations on majors? pressure to win?
If time commitment, when one looks at the NCAA surveys of time spent on the sport each week, thereās not much difference by NCAA division. And at any school, at any level, student-athletes will be competing for a roster spot and/or playing time every year.
Thereās going to be more stress at a D1 level program that competes for NCAA championships every year, say like the Oklahoma softball program (the SEC is tops for softball), for instance, versus a middling or worse D1 softball program.
What I would say is that, for whatever reason, if the kid were to stop playing the sport, then which school would she love most to attend and remain there w/o playing the sport?
See my post #18 above for the factors our kids considered, resulting in different decisions.
Maybe a way to get your D to crystallize her thoughts is to offer to give her 50-100% of the savings between the highest cost school that has offered with any alternative schools she chooses. Nothing like cash staring your kid in the face for them to decide what is really important to them.
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This seems easy, to me ā given the few facts youāve shared.
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Eliminate the d1 schools, she doesnāt want to play d1. (Unless they are Duke/Stanford/Ivy league, which our family would weight heavily.
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Pick the d3 thatās the best fit for you and your family. Sounds like money is part of determining fit, but only you can know how important.
Itās a great thing to be an impact player at a d3 school!
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There wonāt be loans regardless of where she goes, thanks to an incredibly generous grandparent. But sheās still well aware that the cost varies, the most expensive school is about 150k more in cost than her cheapest option (comparing schools she will play her sport) She feels she could save the money for grad school, down payment on a house, etc.
She doesnāt want the pressure of playing D1 sports (if she got an offer, she hasnāt even tried at the D1 schools she likes) We have a couple family members that did it, and sheās heard nothing but negative feedback on it. She wants to be a biology major, possibly biomedical engineering, and possibly pre med. She loves the year round workout schedule (she trains two sports year round now) and doesnāt mind the travel at allā¦she just feels thereās too much pressure at the highest level.
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This is what I think she should do, and have suggested such. Now Iām sitting back letting her decide. The D3 schools she has offers at are out of state and the more expensive options. All the schools pass the academic fit and have her majorā¦she did her research before reaching out to coaches. The D3 coaches have huge enthusiasm for her and she feels very wanted there. Thereās something to say for that IMO.
Thereās one D3 school she loves, but the coach failed to watch her play at the last tournament like he said he would. Heās slow to respond to emails (but does respond) so I think he has others heās already considering. He says he will come watch her next showcase in September but she will likely have to make a decision on the other schools by then.
Pros and cons to all options really. She has to figure out whatās most important to her. Waiting to see how other options pan out may cause her to lose her current options.
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I went back and re-read your post. Thatās an excellent read. My D is definitely like your D. She prefers a smaller, more intimate experience for college. Her D2 option is a local state school, definitely not much for prestige, but inexpensive, not far from home, and overall a great fit otherwise. Itās a smaller school so it would meet that requirement.
She should let the coach at the school she loves know that she has offers, and will be accepting one before Sept (if true, of course). Again, there may be more to it, but it sounds like your daughter is not high on that coachās list. But he needs to know that if he doesnāt make an offer soon heāll lose your daughter.
Some coaches are terrible at recruiting . . . Iāve found that correlates with weak programs too, but thatās just what Iāve seen (not claiming itās a hard fact!).
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Colorado school of Mines is D2, prestigious for engineering, and loves female applicants.
Iāve thought about suggesting she request a phone call with him. He was slow to respond to her initially, unlike most othersā¦so he is behind in the process. He could have quickly caught up as she played a huge showcase a few weeks ago he was atā¦but he didnāt make it by a game like he said he would. Now that his season starts, I donāt expect him to be recruiting much. Thereās an ID camp he mentioned in his last email, but itās in October which is lateā¦my D will have to decide the others before then I would think. Very frustrating. Too bad they all canāt get on the same timeline! 
I agree, the school would be a great fit for her! It was originally on her short list. Sheās outdoorsy and would love CO. But they donāt have a general biology major which is what sheās leaning towards since she isnāt decided. Great school!
Ok, but they ARE on the same timeline. That October ID camp is for 2024s. Most programs will be finished recruiting by October, if not earlier, unless they are a very weak program indeed (like, ranked #100 out of 200 teams). I donāt know your daughterās sport, but if coaches are making offers now, thatās the timeline.
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The sport is soccer.
No idea where the program is ranked, thatās not important to my D. Itās a D3 school.
Ah, soccer is the sport I know!
I only mention the program ranking because it affects the timeline.
Soccer recruiting starts with elite d1s, moves down the (soccer) levels then elite d3, on down the levels. Elite d3 is mostly done in July/August before senior year, but a school ranked (again, soccer wise) much lower might still be offering roster spots in January of senior year.
Womens soccer, I believe, is on a bit more accelerated timeline than menās.
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Thanks for the info. She isnāt looking to play D1ā¦sheās talking to D2, D3, and NAIA schools. I donāt believe any of them are nationally ranked teams. She got her first offers in April, but thereās a couple other schools sheās talking to that sound like they will give offers in the fall. So it seems they arenāt on the same timeline.
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