<p>As part of our readings, one of the optional essays for my English class is creating our own versions of hell, and I got more excited about it than I should have because I think the Divine Comedy in its entirety is just so beautiful and wonderful and I want to be as satirical as humanly possible</p>
<p>If you were an almighty being, what would your underworld be like? Who would be in it? What would the punishments be?</p>
<p>I'm already thinking about dedicating one circle to people who tebow (tebowing).</p>
<p>It took exactly one response for this thread to hit Not-Fun-Controversyville. Tied for the record!</p>
<p>I’d have individual circles for people who pull out quickly in front of you in traffic, only to drive under the speed limit, and people who don’t, um, clean up after themselves in public restrooms.</p>
<p>I’d have a section of hell for all the bandwagon riders who like to hate people because they see others doing it. You know: the guys who try to ruin a person’s career because they’re possessed by the righteous indignation of the politically correct, or even the ones who post “I h8 Justin Bieber LOLOL” on every single video on YouTube. Basically, the people whose reflex upon seeing a lynch mob-- in any of its literal or metaphorical forms-- is not to question the crowd, but to join it. </p>
<p>The righteous anger just gets to me, especially when it’s so arbitrary. As an example, Bill Maher, as a liberal, is allowed to call Sarah Palin a “c**t,” but some other people we’ll not name are just too conservative to get away with it. The extremity of the response also grates against my nerves. People wish a pain worse than death, sometimes jokingly but sometimes seriously, for the blandest faux pas imaginable. Why? Because others do. </p>
<p>This group of people would sit in a part of hell where every awkward statement they ever made, every insult said behind another’s back, every insensitive comment made on purpose or on accident-- all are recycled on an infinite loop while others watch and point fingers and shout insults and act shocked and offended.</p>
<p>Then, because I’m reasonable, there’d be the opportunity for parole after five years… if these individuals went around and apologized to everyone they had ever wronged. This would include enemies, friends, family. You remember that enemy you had in sixth grade, the one you called an idiot, or whatever? Go apologize to him. And everyone else. And they all have to forgive you. Then you get parole. </p>
<p>Maybe after a while of this, everyone in the entire world would internalize the whole “Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast The First Stone” mentality, and I’d have an easier time. I would not have to grate my teeth every time (and it happens periodically, about once every three months) a mob of righteously indignant a-holes shows up on every forum and comment section and news channel available.</p>
<p>“As an example, Bill Maher, as a liberal, is allowed to call Sarah Palin a “c**t,””</p>
<p>Oh really? Most people I know dislike him due to his rampant misogyny.</p>
<p>My inferno would be filled with those who try to suppress and take away the rights of others. They’d be sent to a world in which everything they ever need, want, or desire is always just beyond their power to obtain.</p>